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anyone else mad they didn't 'grow out' of their ED


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#21 LovelyDevo

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Posted 11 July 2020 - 12:19 AM

No. I actually didn't develop an ed until I was 24.

#22 sympathyf0rthedevil

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Posted 11 July 2020 - 12:23 PM

Had the same thought a few days ago and it just weirded me out. I think I joined mpa when I was 13 and here I am at the ripe old age of 20... still on mpa. I always thought eventually I would just grow out of it and move on with my life but I just can't 


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#23 MilkWhiteDoll

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Posted 20 July 2020 - 01:50 AM

I have an obsession with food which I'm sure comes from my ED. I hate what my life is


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#24 spottedzebra

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Posted 22 July 2020 - 03:56 PM

Oh for sure. I've been dealing with food related nonsense since I was 14. I'm 28, so I've officially spent half of my life either having an ED or pretending like I don't have an ED. Huzzah. 



#25 lissome

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Posted 24 July 2020 - 07:39 PM

At this point I honestly feel like I’ll be 60 and still struggling :-(



#26 Dream(s)

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Posted 26 July 2020 - 07:32 AM

29. first ED behaviors i remember around 5, diagnosed at 15. thought i was recovered, at least to some extent. obviously i’ve got some more work to do. if i can get there without dying from malnutrition first...

so bored with this shit honestly. let me just go play pokemon go for 6 hours and walk off all these kcal though.

#27 SunFromHell

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 02:07 PM

It's not going to just disappear with age. I'm 24, suffering with ED since I was 15 and it was a long way.. I've been normal for almost 4 months now. It's the longest time I've ever made yet with no bping, starving or disordered mindset/behavior. 
The older i get the more stress I experience. Adulting is hard smh lol. On the other hand you get sense of responsibility and different goals. What helped me is SSIR meds, hella patience and amazing partner that I'm building my life with and want to have kids with. I felt like i need to change something because I'm getting older but it did not disappear by itself.
I wish you the best of luck! Keep going, keep pushing. YOU WILL MAKE IT <3


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#28 MilkWhiteDoll

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Posted 29 July 2020 - 01:34 PM

I'm not surprised I have an eating disorder since, you know, I have had binge eating issues since early childhood. I only realized it when I was in counseling for some stuff that happened to me. I don't hate it, it's part of me now, even if I am the fattest bitch in the room sometimes. 


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#29 Breezyx00

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Posted 31 July 2020 - 08:29 AM

i've had an ED since my late childhood/early teens. i always thought once i got into my early/mid 20s, i'd just... be over my ED. i'm 23 now and here i am. still doing this shit. 

 

i'm mad @ myself over it.

I feel the exact same way. Im 29 and have been battling this disordered eating for years now. its exhausting but something always pulls me back to it. its the one thing in life that i feel good at. that i feel im good at. losing weight and restricting and finding healthy foods to eat. or something will happen in life and ill feel like i have no control over anything but the eating. like its the one thing i can control. 


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#30 just-sunset

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Posted 31 July 2020 - 11:44 AM

My ED didn't started until I was 18, but I still know what you mean. Everybody told me is was "too old" to have an ED, that it was really childish to "do" this. Like I just decided to have it, but it's fun. But I believed them. I thought I was too slow for my age, do to other trauma, and when I finally grew up it would go away. 

Now I'm 25, still having an ED…



#31 just-sunset

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Posted 31 July 2020 - 11:50 AM

I feel the exact same way. Im 29 and have been battling this disordered eating for years now. its exhausting but something always pulls me back to it. its the one thing in life that i feel good at. that i feel im good at. losing weight and restricting and finding healthy foods to eat. or something will happen in life and ill feel like i have no control over anything but the eating. like its the one thing i can control. 

 

Yes exactly ! It's the only thing i ever have done right. The first time people acknowledged my "success".



#32 Booksmart

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Posted 31 July 2020 - 12:22 PM

This is such a mood. I feel like such an idiot still dealing with this same old shit all the time. At least while I was in college it still felt acceptable in my mind. But now I'm 22, a recent grad, and I feel like I should be getting my shit together. But here I am acting like I'm 14 all over again.

 

Idk man. Like part of me says if I'd gotten proper support and care the 1st time around maybe I wouldn't still be sick now. I didn't have all the support and care I needed then, and now with the pandemic it really fucked things up for me and instead of having a job, being moved out with my bf, with an apartment and car I'm stuck feeling like a kid on summer vacation living at home with my parents. It just feels like nothing changed. I want to get better but I can't see how I would when I'm still stuck in the same environment I got sick in with no way out atm. I don't want to blame my family, but tbh they certainly don't make things better. And it's weird bc they def have an understanding of what I'm going through, but won't actual make any changes to help me. Guess everyone is going through their own shit - don't blame them for not having the energy/head-space to make changes now. 

 

Sure would've been nice when I was 15 tho if they'd tried a little lol.

 

Feel bad for my bf. He doesn't deserve to be with me when I'm like this. I hope I can get better when I move out bc I don't want to rag him down with me. 


Quarantine relapse got me good lmao

 

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#33 _Layla_

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Posted 01 August 2020 - 12:25 PM

Well, eating disorder is not something you grow out of. You have to heal all the damage done to you, that made you develop ED in the first place. It's great that you are going to therapist, just a piece of advice - make sure he/she is helping and you are also putting in the work. I had to change like 6 therapists before I found the right one for me. It's slow and painful process, but it does get better :)


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#34 RayDelSol

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Posted 01 August 2020 - 11:58 PM

When i was 13-16 it was really bad, and after id recovered, id have a relapse about once a year. But it never lasted longer than about 2 weeks

Now im 20 and have been relapsing for months and I REALLY THOUGHT I GREW OUT OF IT

especially because "recovering" didnt... Take that much effort? I was at summer camp one day after a few months of really good therapy and had an epiphany and was just... Fine. For nearly 4 years. And here i fucking am again.

 i guess im not recovered anymore lmao kill me


#35 Cobrabubbles

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Posted Today, 01:55 AM

I "recovered" for 10 years. And as of two weeks ago, I'm back at it. This is the longest sustained relapse I've had since I started force feeding myself when I was 15. I'm down 10 pounds in two weeks. I didn't think I'd live to see the age of 21, and here I am, 25, still depressed and starving myself again. And I did everything I wanted to do. I'm married to a kickass artistic alt woman, have three awesome pets, living in the area of town I wanted to live in, getting a second master's degree and I'm still fucked up. The only thing that's changed mentally is that I feel validated now that I know I'm autistic, but it doesn't shake the overwhelming feeling that now I KNOW I'll never truly fit in with the rest of the world.


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#36 crow-nova

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Posted Today, 11:01 AM

Yep! Had a mental breakdown the other day because I realized it's been 8 years with the same bullshit. "Recovering", then relapsing over and over again. People say that "recovery" isn't a permanent state, it's a lifelong process, and that scares the shit out of me. I don't want to be dealing with this for the rest of my life yknow. It sucks.


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