59 replies to this topic

[Kermitleggs]

first let me say it's amazing to know that i'm not alone, because i definitely kind of feel like an asshole complaining about gaining weight while pregnant when i know there's hundreds or thousands of women who can't have babies and i should feel blessed that i'm able create a life and it is beautiful and a miracle and all of that stuff...

my bf thinks i'm just the vainest person on the planet i've been with him for five years he is very aware of my eating disorder but hates it, hates addressing it at all, hates when i say anything about food or my weight doesn't realize the severity of the disease so whatever can't talk to him

my friends and family don't know i'm pregnant and i'm somewhat terrified to tell them, i lost custody permanently of my first born daughter (i was a drug addict it was a long time ago) i've also had child protective services involved with my 3 year (they are in fact still involved) and back in January my bf and i went through an insanely nasty breakup (i actually had a full on mental breakdown which led to me getting arrested and being homeless for a month and half, in the dead of winter in Massachusetts ... awesome) so a lot of people feel like my bf and i shouldn't be together let alone be having another baby so...there's that 

i haven't been to a doctor yet (first appointment is Wednesday) because yay COVID and also i really thought about not keeping the baby (see above) I *think* i'm at the end of my first trimester or very beginning of my second

for the first two months i've been a lazy fat ass ordering take-out and parked on the couch so i gained a lot of weight early on - i don't know my starting weight i'm gonna say probably 133ish because i was homeless for a month and a half i also have no idea what i weigh now i'll find out on wednesday yay

anyway i'm going to be using this thread for venting about daily shit that annoys me (there's a lot of things)

   like how my bf "accidentally" took my debit card to work with him today so i can't go shopping for healthy stuff to cook for dinner

    like how my refridgerator broke two weeks ago and my landlord still hasn't replaced it (the freezer still works, but i can't keep fresh fruits or veggies or milk or juice or leftovers (i cook a lot)

   like how i'm now a stay at home mom even though my son went back to daycare but i'm still home all day (i will def be bitching about this a lot)

  like how i was just on hold with my therapist for 20 minutes and the soonest she can telehealth an appointment with me is june 30th

but also this is for accountability i need to watch what i eat everyday Healthy stuff between 1500 and 2000

and exercise exercise EXERCISE

thank you that is all for now 

[Kermitleggs]

okay I'm having a hard time posting pictures right now and my 3 year old is climbing all over me so I'll try to post on Monday just so everyone (hahaha) reading this is aware my bf works monday- saturday i'm alone monday-friday cuz my son goes to day care Saturday i'm home with my son Sunday is family so I won't be posting at all on Sundays

so Wednesday i went out to dinner prolly ate a fuck ton of calories but it was worth it

Thursday my total was 1325 which is actually lower than the 1500 i'm aiming for but whatever

Friday (yesterday) my total was 2231 which i'm actually aiming for between 1500 and 2000 everyday so i'm okay with this most of the calories were liquid (i know it doesn't matter) plus  i danced and hula hooped around my living room like a lunatic for a while and i didn't count any calories burned so...

 

so far today (Saturday)- 85 for chai latte thing

200 for a strawberry beet smoothie...it's sooooo good and HUGE

now i'm headed out to take my son on an adventure and get my fat ass a little exercise

have a good day lovelies

[Kermitleggs]

saturday's dinner

Shrimp, avocado, broccoli, tomato,quinoa bowl 466

 

 

 

last night's dinner  father's day lobster, filet mignon, and corn on the cob 580  yesterday's total ended up being around 3000 which I guess is okay bf is home on Sunday's so Sunday is gonna be my "cheat" day ( day to eat a shit ton so my bf doesn't suppect i'm counting calories again)

 

 

so far today iced chai 70cals

cottage cheese granola and apple 250

so 320

 

i almost bought a scale at target yesterday but i spent like $100 on safe food so....no scale i have to wait until wednesday to find out how much i weigh...yay

here's some of the safe food i bought

 

why is healthy food so god damn expensive? probably didn't help that i went to target but the walmart near my house has been out of everything for months plus i knew target had madeleines legit the ONLY place anywhere near me with them and pregnancy carvings are real soooooo good but 130cals EACH trying to only eat one a night when bf is home lol

Also sorry if my pictures are upside down or all wonky i'm not even sure if they're going to post

 

I'm thinking either cheese burgers or stuffed peppers or meatloaf for dinner tonight idk

have a great day guys i'll update tomorrow

 

[Kermitleggs]

Hi lovelies - so I'm probably definitely not eating enough - I have zero energy all i want to do is sleep so i'm gonna try to up my intake or at least be more honest with (i've been counting things and not actually eating them ....oops)

 

yesterday 320 for breakfast/lunch then my bf brought home a giant burger from work which i ate half of so maybe 400?

 

this beet salad with leftover pork tenderloin but was maybe 350

so all together 1070 no bueno need to be eating at least 1500 -  1800 everyday!

so far today

70 for coffee

160 for eggs

so 230

i didn't end up cooking dinner last night since boyfriend brought home that burger so tonight i'm either making stuffed peppers or meatloaf i'm not going to measure or weigh anything just eat and enjoy tomorrow morning is my first doctor's appointment, i'm nervous but mostly just don't want to get weighed      as long as I'm under 165 i'll be okay i think i'm somewhere around there which is horrific but i'm also curious to find out how far along I actually am

still have no working refrigerator 

also have no money because i forgot to file my unemployment on time oops ... hopefully tomorrow or thursday, i want to go get my nails done 

[Kermitleggs]

sooooo I weigh 159lbs...yikes and I'm having a girl - my boyfriend and I both really wanted another boy but such is life right

 

yesterday- 70 cal coffee

160 - eggs 

 

this yumminess which is shredded frozen veggies and a veggie burger with chili garlic sauce 230

 

then I made these semi healthies for dinner

stuffed peppers with lean hamburger meat, quinoa, and diced tomatoes, topped with homemade tomato sauce

each one was about 500 cals I tried to eat two but only ate one

 

chocolate tea one of my favs

 

then these as snacks cookies are 130  

ice cream bars are 100

 

total was under 1500 

 

so far today i'm at 300, exhausted and i have a headache gonna go lay down for a bit

have a great day everyone

 

[etrox318]

Congratulations on the pregnancy! You're doing so good nourishing you & your little girl 💗

[back_to_skinny]

Congratulations! I think you're doing well too and your food pictures look delicious! Please keep up your entertaining accountability thread.

[Kermitleggs]

sorry I suck at posting everyday

super fun this morning i was updating and my bf who was supposed to be at work until at least 2 walked in around 11am and definitely caught me on here oops... he knows all about the site cuz i've been on and off for years and we've been together 5 years i thought he was going to freak out but instead he just asked when my next therapy appointment is and was happy that "i wasn't talking to other guys" so i guess that's good anyways here's food since wednesday night

 

chicken, crazy ass potato nacho things (from the Supernatural cookbook) so good so unhealthy i only had a tiny portion and green beans double up on green beans

around 600cals

i'm estimating calories way more than i normally do when I'm actually trying to lose weight, i'll measure and weigh everything after the baby is born

 

Thursday morning I went on a crazy cleaning spree around my house, emptied my broken refridgerator, scrubbed my oven, cleaned out a few drawers

had granola and fat free milk

300 cals

Thursday night's dinner was cheese ravioli and homemade sauce no picture as it wasn't very exciting had 1 cup for 300 cals

 

Friday morning

500 cal smoothie cu i knew i was going to be walking

I walked all over my city finally went and got my nails done, my eyebrows and underarms waxed and bought a new couch

easily walked 4 or 5 miles

Friday lunch chicken salad on an everything bagel around 400 cals

dinner was pizza but i only had one slice with extra cheese  and veggies

decided to watch what i eat closely during the week during the weekends not so much

saturday dinner 

pepper steak over broccoli rice 

maybe 350?

 

i also have at least 70 cals of coffee everyday and a smoothie that's between 300 and 500

 

Sunday morning huge breakfast we do this maybe once a month cuz it's my bf's day off

avocado tomato omelette

around 400 but plus bacon and potatoes

so maybe 800? 

 

sunday night's dinner also super unhealthy but delicious

Empandas and cucumber tomato salad

300 cals times 3 Empanandas so 1000cals

 

i'll try to post today's tomorrow

have a good night lovelies

my fridge comes tomorrow ...YAY

 

[Kermitleggs]

So yeah I couldn't post yesterday cuz bf was home all day (he got suspended from work for two days because he's a hot head lol good times) i can laugh because i used to work with him that's actually how we met <3 

so I'm trying to do one coffee no more than 70 cals

a smoothie between 300-500cals

breakfast around 400

lunch around 300

and dinner around 500-600

then maybe a 100 cal snack at night

everyday and weekends a little bit more

 

monday's breakfast (no smoothie)

two eggs, half an avocado, one slice toast

390 cals

 

Lunch was a cup of chicken soup and two crackers

200 cals

 

dinner pesto pasta and shrimp

550-600 cals so much olive oil in pesto(i need to make my own again, this was jar stuff cuz i'm lazy lol)

 

snack Kombucha tea 40cals

I've been having a hard time not drinking alcohol, because i'm an alcoholic and my bf still drinks almost every night so i figured this would be a good substitute AND help my belly cuz yeah i've definitely been bloated, gassy, constipated yeah pregnancy!!!

 

I'll post all yesterday's stuff in a little bit I have on-line group in 10 minutes and I'm not even dressed yet...oops lol

be back soon lovelies

 

[Kermitleggs]

okay I'm back so yeah Wednesday and Thursday I have on-line groups (for alcohol not ED)

and then today directly  after group i had a doctor's appointment 

long story short I had to bring my 3 year old because he no longer has daycare and they wouldn't let me up to see the doctor which sucks because I was actually looking forward to seeing if i gained weight lost weight or stayed the same since last week

ah well such is life 

so yesterday's intake

 

coffee 70

no smoothie

breakfast english muffin with butter and a slice of cheese (no picture) also around 400cals how is one english muffin with little butter and a slice of cheese the same amount of calories as two eggs half an avocado and a slice of toast? craziness!!

then i went food shopping ...again, food is literally the number 1 thing i spend my money on

lunch i don't really remember pretty sure I just picked at stuff a handful of my son's cheese doodles maybe a chocolate veggie muffin thing

110 cals so total for lunch was probably 300

then a miracle happened I got my new refrigerator!!! It's been like a fucking month since ours broke 

anyway the thing is tiny SOOOOO much smaller than our old fridge like all the stuff I had in the old freezer didn't fit in the new freezer i had to throw stuff away

my bf said good maybe it will keep your food hoarding under control (lol, he knows me so well)

I took a picture of the world's smallest fridge but i didn't upload it

[Kermitleggs]

 

Here it is the world's tiniest refrigerator

 

so I am fortunate enough to get to cook dinner for myself and my bf every night while he plays Borderlands in the other room, which means I can conveniently alter the ingredients in my  food and then he thinks we're eating the same food but we're really not, I can also weigh and measure stuff without him freaking out YAY! So Tuesday night's dinner

His Chicken Korma with sweet potatoes:

 

My Chicken Korma:

instead of rice I went with a bag of chopped salad

so 600 cals which would have been way less had i not used oil on the chicken and sweet potatoes

but legit i was sooooo full from eating this and it took me like 2 hours to finish it

 

which brings us to Wednesday's intake sorry I'm always a day behind

coffee- 70 cals

smoothie- 300 cals 

had group from 11:30-12:30

then ran to the doctor only to not get in because i had my son...ooops

so then we walked to the park

banana-105

came home 

more fucking cheese doodles- 200

lunch-chicken soup (again) 200 cals

so then for dinner i tried to do a healthy Sheppard's pie with cauliflower mashed

once again my boyfriend's made with regular fatty ground beef

 

 

 

and mine made with a morning star veggie burger broken up

even with melting a tiny bit of brie over the mashed it was only 330 total

The rest of the night i was fucking starving

 

ate two cheese sticks 160

and at least 6 pickle spears 30

so 1395 total for the day

i definitely can't go that low on dinner tho

will post today so far after group

 

 

[Kermitleggs]

Good morning lovelies yeah i took a nap after group yesterday then bf came home

so yesterday walked to the store to finally get fresh fruit and veggies

i may have gone a little overboard (i've mentioned i'm a food hoarder right?)

sorry if they are upside down i suck

 

 

 

and now for yesterday's intake

coffee- is less than 70 now cuz i bought 

my old chai mix was 70

so know it's probably around 20 the coffee is 5 plus a little almond milk or fat free half and half

 

originally no smoothie yesterday

breakfast yogurt granola and a peach

230 cals

i definitely didn't eat this i forgot how sickeningly sweet light and fit vanilla greek yogurt is

so first i tried to add the half of apple my son didn't finish bringing it up to 290

then i just gave up and put it in a smoothie but also didn't finish the smoothie i put too much frozen spinach and it was grainy and nasty

(i'm gonna post a whole post about my smoothies because i'm a dork)

 

so lunch turkey avocado wrap

this was soooooo good omg and satisfying like exactly what i wanted

i took two pictures cuz i enjoyed it so much

270 cals with the pickle

 

so far so good right? dinner not much

balsamic grilled chicken with tomato and mozzerella cheese, garlic broccoli, and quinoa

which wouldn't have been so bad if i didn't eat a pound of the chicken, i legit finished my plate and my boyfriend's chicken (he normally finishes my plate)

so low cal estimate 920 high 1300?

so either 1420 or 1800 for the day which is fine either way

 

 

 

 

[Kermitleggs]

So I've been doing great eating low fat low cal foods right?

So what do I do?

I buy a fucking cake ...a giant fucking cake!!!!

a fucking cannoli cream cake!!!

the problem is my bf hates sweets especially Italian sweets so this whole cake is going to be for me and my son (i try not to give him too much sugar cuz he's already hyper) so...mostly for me this whole fucking cake is for me!!!

I couldn't help it, it's from New Jersey (like me) and it was only $5.99 (not on clearance, it was just $5.99!!!)

I originally planned to b/p the entire thing but feel too guilty so odds are it will sit in fridge for a week and i will throw it away

so far today

coffee 45cals

smoothie 400 cals was actually delicious today

lunch-ham egg and lettuce on a pita

190 cals 

and a tiny piece of cake

wasn't as good as i thought it would be (Thank God)

i'll probably just eat tiny pieces like this and count it as 100cals

and now it's nap time

 

tonight i'm going to make burgers half ground beef/half mushroom

probably won't be counting this weekend (it's the 4th of July, gotta indulge a little) i'll still be making smart choices tho literally the only thing in my house to snack on right now is fruit sooooo....

Happy 4th to my fellow Americans 

everyone else have a great weekend 

will update on Monday

[Kermitleggs]

Good morning everyone

Happy Monday which means excessively long post and giant photo dump

 

friday night's dinner

my boyfriend's

mine

500 for each burger plus bun 

didn't eat the potato salad cuz gross (even though i made it, i really don't like mayo very much mostly just made it to be festive)

i did mix the mushrooms in with the meat and it was delicious

 

Saturday morning 

coffee 70 I'm still just going to count my coffees as 70

smoothie - 400

pancake with strawberries, blueberries, and whipped cream (festive) 400

sorry no picture my phone malfunctioned and i had to delete a ton of stuff

 

walked about a mile up hill to go to the pool only to get there and find out it was closed

SOOOOO mad

turkey avocado wrap for lunch- 200 cals (started using a quarter of an avocado instead of half)

also a fuck ton of watermelon 400 maybe?

took a nap after our failed pool attempt

 

boyfriends dinner: chicken veggie stir fry over rice

mine: chicken veggie stir fry over raw nappa cabbage added a hard boiled egg that i had leftover from the potato salad

no clue on the cals cuz it was drowning in soy sauce also had pork potstickers (not pictured) i was craving Chinese food and almost ordered it but didn't so however many calories were in this still WAY less than if i had ordered some  plus i need to save money!!!

I'm also trying to use up stuff that is my freezer because here is what my freezer currently looks like

tiny freezer+food hoarder = this mess

the processed pizza and stuff are my three year olds, the random containers of yogurt are really my homemade soups (i ALWAYS have soup in my freezer)

 

so let's talk about how my boyfriend was home Monday, Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday and by the end of our holiday weekend was being a giant dick so I was pissed off all weekend and when I'm pissed off I eat

So yeah we broke up in January and now he's always making me feel like him and my son were doing so much better when I wasn't here and that since I've come back everything has gone downhill - he's mostly talking about our son's behavior and like bedtime (dumb shit that is not important) yes i am a pushover with him, but the only reason my son was so obedient when my boyfriend was "in charge" is because our son is afraid of him AND since I've come home my boyfriend has gone back to doing absolutely nothing but playing video games, like if you don't like the way i'm handling our child maybe get off your ass and help me with him?  

sorry end rant

 

okay sunday morning

coffee 70

smoothie 400

my go to again

ham 60

egg 70

avocado 80

wrap 60

270

but then i had an english muffin with butter

200 i was pissed off

 

i not only make him dinner every night but when he's home in the morning i give him half of my smoothie AND i make them different so he'll actually like them

Sunday morning when i gave him his smoothie he says it's hilarious you're trying not to gain weight because you're going to but said it like a real asshole

 

so then we all decide to walk to the splash park 

walking is good - walking is exercise

my boyfriend pissed I dragged him out of the house and away from his precious video game

so after the splash park we walked up a hill to go to lunch

virgin pina colada

cuban sandwich and plaintain chips

ate half the sandwich took the other half home ate about a quarter of the chips

no clue how many cals but totally worth it

walked even farther yay exercise

cuz my son obviously didn't want to eat Cuban food

so we walked up to MacDonalds for a happy meal and I didn't order anything just ate like 3 of my sons fries

 

Came home hours later made this for dinner

london broil, baked potato, corn on the cob

didn't bother counting because today was already a total loss

 

some other random pics of the weekend

my giant jug of water i try to drink everyday but i made it all fancy with limes and cucumbers

 

showing of my sun tan

hey look at me I'm fat and gross!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kermitleggs]

the two very bad thoughts that keep circling around in my brain are 

     it can't be that dangerous to purge during pregnancy because you puke naturally because of morning sickness

 

   people in 3rd world countries have babies and they don't have enough to eat, like they literally have babies while they themselves are literally starving to death

 

fuck my life- why am i like this?

 

needless to say I want to binge on every unhealthy thing in my house

 

so far today

 

coffee - 90 cal

no smoothie

lunch:

salad mix, cucumbers, peppers, green onions- 50

turkey - 100

blue cheese crumbles - 100

250

 

340 total so far today

 

 

and can we all collectively look at how skinny i was two summers ago (pretty much without even trying, just working in a very hot kitchen all summer) and sigh

stay positive ~ i will get back there ~ stay positive 

[Kermitleggs]

So Monday night my boyfriend had to work a surprise double so i was unsupervised for dinner time

my son and I got pizza, chicken tenders, and mozzerella sticks

and i purged   pretty fucking mad at myself

 

And then he was home with us all day yesterday (Tuesday) why i didn't post yesterday

 

coffee was actually 90 

smoothie 450 but i gave some to my bf

it was delicious and huge

i reuse dunks cups

and like a said tend to use more fruit and yogurt to make them sweeter when i'm sharing with him which of course equals more cals

 

Breakfast:

 cottage cheese 160

strawberries & blueberries - 40

granola 90

total 190

so good and filling

 

Since I didn't want to have another b/p incident

and to try to stay busy so my boyfriend doesn't think i just post up on the couch all (which i do most days but whatev)

i pre-made healthy snacks!!!!

 

celery, pb 2 and raisins

200 cals for all of this

 

cucumber tuna fish "boats"

150 ish

 

onion/cucumber dip made with plain greek yogurt

100 cals

 

the rest of the tuna salad

it looks super soupy like a used tons of mayo but i didn't it was just the kind of tuna i used

it was 230 total including the tuna i used on the cucumber boats

 

for lunch i snacked on raw veggies and tuna while i was making it

and this cup full of deliciousness

cucumber and celery juice

yummmm yum yum yum yummmmm

 

cleaned up my mess in the kitchen

brought my son to the park

came home

took a nap

 

which brings us to dinner yay

made pork tenderloin, napa cabbage broccoli veggie slaw, and green beans

my boyfriend's 

i put bbq sauce on his pork and made him green beans sesame with sesame seeds and sesame oil

 

mine

pork-244

slaw-70

green beans-50

total 364 

[Kermitleggs]

Fuck I forget so Monday night after I purged up dinner I was not surprisingly hungry in the middle of the night (also couldn't sleep for shit)

so i ate one of these bad boys that i had in my freezer 

"healthy" microwave dinners (sorry I don't want to knock anyone who eats microwave food it's just I'm a professional cook so...i easily could have made this with fresh ingredients)

yeah these meals are $5.00 each which pricey for anything that's walmart brand

i just figured i'll throw them in my freezer and safe them for a quick lunch or dinner one day

it wasn't terrible but it wasn't very good either i have another flavor in my freezer that i'll probably like better

i didn't realize this one had orange sauce cuz i probably wouldn't have bought it was the one with the lowest cals lol

[Kermitleggs]

so last night at around 10:30 mind you I normally fall asleep around 11, my boyfriend informs me he ordered a pizza (he was sad because he didn't get any of the pizza  my son and i ordered on Monday night) we only got a small so...

Needless to say I freaked out, but I ate a slice so he doesn't get too suspicious he already knows i'm back on mpa, he hasn't read my post tho

so i have no idea

probably 400 cals there was a disgusting amount of cheese on this pizza

and then immediately afterwards went to bed 

ewww

so i don't want to eat at all today

off to the park with little man

i'll update later

[Kermitleggs]

update: it is now almost 12:30 pm

I have had nothing but 100cals of coffee and water

I'm really struggling to eat today but i know i have to

my new therapist blew me off last week

i called and left a message

group got cancelled today

i FUCKING NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO

grrrrrr

gonna go make something for lunch and force myself to eat it

[Kermitleggs]

so the rest of Wednesday I'm pleased to say i ate a decent amount

 

lunch: tuna wrap

we'll say 200

these pb2 celery things

200cals

having these pre-made snacks definitely came in handy

 

boyfriends dinner:

chicken sliders with hummus and cucumber yogurt dip, quinoa, roasted brussel sprouts

 

my dinner same only a wrap instead of buns and no quinoa

chicken 330

wrap 120

hummus 60

yogurt dip 40

brussel sprouts 38

588

 

i bought these for me and my son to try

they are all natural frozen fruit pulp

25 cals

 

other snack 

3 cups of watermelon 150 cals