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so yeah this is gonna be my vent space


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#41 Kermitleggs

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 04:25 PM

Saturday 

coffee 60

vitamins 50

smoothie- 200

 

probably had another 

ham

avocado

egg wrap

 

we went out to lunch at this local market/food court

i had a bunch of french fries and a jamacian beef patty

also went shopping

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the cool stuff i got
lavender sugar
truffle sea salt
tumeric and elderberry honey
lotions
and .... gelato
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purple cow - black raspberry ice cream with milk chocolate and white chocolate
 
soooooo goood
 
for dinner
i made chicken, chic pea, and kale over pasta with a homemade nectarine sauce
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my bf and step daughter but they couldn't eat it because they tried out her new hot sauce she bought at the market and it was so hot they made their dinner inedible i did have a good laugh watching them grimace in pain for 20 minutes, chugging milk and eating slices of bread lmao
 
mine pasta zero instead of spaghetti was less sauce
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maybe 400 cals?

 

snack was some of the gelato, which my bf then finished after i went to bed -thanks babe 

 


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#42 Kermitleggs

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 04:36 PM

sunday morning

 coffee

vitamins

giant breakfast

my son has gotten used to bacon every Sunday morning because he's a spoiled brat lol

blt on an everything bagel thin

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400 cals

 

smoothie- maybe 300

 

then went swimming 

we go hard at the pool too

 

lunch was a grilled cheese

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2 slices of 45 cal bread- 90

1 slice cheese 100

1 slice of ham - 30

tomato slice- 5

margerine- 60

400

 

made little single serve watermelon cups

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either 2 cups - 100 cals
or 4 cups - 200cals
 
dinner
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steak-300
egg- 70
blue cheese- 100
salad mix
cucumbers
green peppers
tomatoes
500 maybe
 
snacks
watermelon- 100
halo top- 300
 

haven't really been keeping track of daily totals but today's was 2000 minus whatever i burned at the pool


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#43 Kermitleggs

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Posted 28 July 2020 - 01:30 PM

Woah just  noticed page 3 woo i'm a nerd

 

Monday morning

coffee 60

vitamins-50

watermelon- 200

 

ended up on the phone with my insurance company for like 2 hours (yay adulting) but the good news my bf and son have insurance again

lunch- chicken, bean mix and sweet potato and cauliflower rice

this leftover chicken is a week old don't care still gonna eat it, really don't care if i get sick

it's bad i'm a human trash can when it comes to food

maybe - 450 cals

 

then dinner was a salami sandwich- probably like 500 cals

 

then we went swimming again

it's hot as fuck in MA right now

 

after swimming more watermelon - 100 calories

 

did great for the day then around 9pm i got hungry

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ordered 25 wings from the wing place, but I split them with my bf and we didn't even finish them
we played borderlands 3 together for the first time EVER
so things with us have been really good for the past week or so...
so...that's good news

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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#44 Kermitleggs

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Posted 28 July 2020 - 04:10 PM

Tuesday - my bf is home for the day with me because we were supposed to have court today for all of that nastiness that happened back in January but the court house is still just barely open because of COVID so we slept late then walked to the new weed store that opened nearby  yay walking = exercise

bf got me blondie bites

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40 cals each- 5mg of thc sooooooooo good

(i don't eat them often or a lot so baby is fine, plus there's literally no evidence that thc is harmful to unborn babies)

so naturally we also stopped at the local bakery

can you really go to the dispensary without stopping at the bakery lol

so we got

kit kat cheesecake cupcake

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birthday cake milkshake cupcake
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she makes mini cheesecakes which is what i wanted but they were out

so i only bought the cupcakes because i felt bad

and you know support local small business etc

but honestly her cupcakes aren't THAT good, definitely NOT worth the ridiculous amount of calories I'm sure are in them

i c/s a piece of the kit kat one

i'm giving these to my son...over the span of like 5 days lol

 

then i spotted peanut butter energy bites

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these are bomb, i've had them before- i had one for breakfast and it kept me full all morning

gonna weigh one so i can guestimate cals

i'm sure it's a lot but if i eat one as a meal, it's okay

 

and bf (who "doesn't like sweets" lol) got a peanut butter brownie tart

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made a matcha banana smoothie 350
split with bf
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the matcha i ordered came in the mail 
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so i will be experimenting with matcha (i have recipes)

 

 

i'm really not doing bad cal wise today - went to the pool by myself only stayed for like 20 minutes but did exercises the whole time 
walked home the long way

 

i'm just trying to justify the disgustingly fattening dinner i'm about to gorge myself on

biscuits and gravy and i don't even care
 
Tuesday night's dinner- this is hands down *THE MOST* fat-filled disgusting meal i eat and why? because i am a disgusting fat filled human
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biscuits with homemade sausage gravy
my bf made the gravy
so let's see 
each biscuit was 170
ground sausage 200 per 3 oz
plus the butter, flour and heavy cream in the gravy 
yeah let's just call it 1000 cals
and like 500 grams of fat
was really fucking good tho
 

 

 


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#45 Kermitleggs

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Posted 29 July 2020 - 04:15 PM

wednesday 

more adventures with matcha

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 WAY too strong at first
just put a tablespoon of the powder in boiling water and added a splash of milk
drank some added more water and some of my fancy new honey
 
breakfast
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my usual

wrap 60

egg 70

avo 80

tomato 5

215

 

then i had myself a little b/p ses 

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the cinnamon roll that's been in my fridge for over two weeks 

690

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chicken lettuce green goddess dressing (chicken over a week old)
320
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cheesy breadsticks (also two weeks old)
250
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kept the cookie down

120

1380 i'm counting half so 690

 

Dinner

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soup chicken broth with wontons

maybe 500

 

snacks

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my sleeptime lavender with my new lavender sugar is sooooo good

and of course more watermelon...always


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#46 Kermitleggs

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Posted 30 July 2020 - 06:18 PM

Thursday- i for some reason slept until noon today  :o  oops

coffee-50

vitamins - 50

 group got cancelled YAY

so i went food shopping... why not right?

here's my haul

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my bf surprised me with lunch and a matcha latte from dunks
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chicken, broccoli, and risotto (definitely didn't eat the risotto)
gonna guess 500 + 440 for the latte
so 1000
 
dinner i made a "healthy" bolognese sauce
ground pork 500
wine 200
tomato paste 140
olive oil - 100
so like 1000
but i maybe had a quarter of it
bf's
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over regular spaghetti with cheesy breadsticks
 
mine over shirataki noodles
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i added raw green beans to mine for crunch and freshness

so like 300?

 


FB IMG 1590415134584
 

New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#47 Kermitleggs

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Posted 01 August 2020 - 02:20 PM

Friday I did a thing

meal planning

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i premade 

cottage cheese with peaches and granola - 120

mini salads with bean sprouts, avocado, hard boiled egg and tomatoes - 175ish

yogurt, cherries, granola, dark chocolate chips- 150ish

 

this way when i get hungry i can just grab something

boyfriend keeps bringing up that i'm not eating enough

and that i must feed baby

must feed baby

must feed baby

must feed baby

 

Friday's lunch 

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bag o' salad-30
tuna-55
green peppers-10
cucumbers-10
olives-100
 
then despite being sucked into a House marathon still managed to clean my floors
i use a rag on my hands and knees so i'm sure that burns more cals than mopping
 
dinner
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chicken-200
plum-60
green beans- 15
bean sprouts-30
pepitas-100
not very good - i guess when you heat up the plums the sweetness "cooks out" so they were super tart i didn't eat many

 

then more of my bf's nagging

so late night food order ... again    :angry:  :angry:  :angry:

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i got a small chicken finger and fries only ate half a chicken finger 

but mowed the fries

then immediately fell asleep...  :angry:  :angry:  :angry:


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#48 Kermitleggs

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Posted 02 August 2020 - 06:15 PM

Saturday morning

coffee- 30

vitamins- 55

smoothie- 200

egg, avocado, ham, tomato wrap

235ish

 

then swimming YAY

 

lunch i attempted to eat one of my premade mini salads

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but my refrigerator sucks and it was like half frozen 

so ... trash

ended up eating a cottage cheese peach granola cup

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then took a nap
 
woke up made another huge high fat dinner
i don't even care wanted bf to shut up and this is one of my favorite meals from childhood so....
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breaded pan fried chicken cutlets, real mashed potatoes with butter and cream, green beans
not gonna lie this was soooooo good didn't even try to figure out the calories, because a lot
 
snack was a couple of cookies- 200?

 


FB IMG 1590415134584
 

New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#49 Kermitleggs

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Posted 02 August 2020 - 06:34 PM

oh yeah also over the weekend i had to throw away an entire watermelon that i bought on Thursday i was BULLSHIT PISSED OFF

the thing like imploded on my kitchen counter, i always wait a day or two to cut up a watermelon after i buy it, i have no idea what happened to this one, but it was all mushy and made a giant mess on my counter

aside from being out 4 or 5 dollars 

i now have zero watermelon in my house currently

 

so Sunday (Today)

coffee 30

vitamins-55

frozen matcha drink - 100? i didn't finish it

breakfast-

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omelette 
2 eggs- 140
tomato- 15
avo- 80
cheese- 30
265 ish
plus bacon 100
and orange juice 130
so like 500?
 
then walked to the splash park 
it's at least a mile away
pushing my almost 4 year old in his carriage
yay burning calories!
 
then lunch
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giant fucking sandwich 

i am disgusting

probably like 800 calories 

 

then a nap

 

dinner

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sort of in between healthy and not

pork tenderloin with apricots, half a sweet potato, and bacon brussel sprouts

700 tops?

 

snack is going to be a coke float 

coke with vanilla ice cream that i've been craving

i'm really not in a happy mentally right now eating this many cals 

i'm going to balloon and i'm never going to be able to lose the weight

 

 


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#50 Kermitleggs

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 11:07 AM

Good morning Happy Monday

so this morning I discovered that i don't actually know how to make steel cut oats lol

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they were um...crunchy

added a tiny bit of pumpkin and a couple raisins

200 cals

 

i've had 3 cups of coffee

so 100

viamins 55

 

now i'm debating between going to the pool or going for a walk, but obviously instead of doing anything productive i'm once again watching Supernatural reruns on TNT lol

here's some random monday silliness

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monday's lunch was another giant sandwich
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i guess i should just enjoy stuff like this because after the baby is born there is no way in hell i'll be eating stuff like this
 
for dinner i tried to make homemade tortellini with wonton wrappers
definitely weird because it wasn't pasta dough
not terrible tho
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only around 200 cals so...
 
after dinner i ripped my acrylics off
so that was fun
i don't ever remember this hurting so much
the extra $600 a week on unemployment ended so i'm poor again
no more manicures no more $200 trips to the grocery store...wish me luck lol

 

 


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#51 Kermitleggs

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Posted 04 August 2020 - 10:19 PM

tuesday

2 cups of coffee -60

vitamins- 55

breakfast- my last peanut butter ball (thank God)

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300

 

lunch 

turkey wrap

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200
then i walked at least 2 miles 
managed to avoid going into not one but two bakeries by my house
did pick these up tho
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i've been looking for them forever, i really want tarro chips but they are impossible to find
i shouldn't have bought them tho they were legit almost $5.00 and the nutrition facts are pretty much the same as regular potato chips (but i guess i'm still getting the benefits of eating beats and sweet potatoes...sure, sounds good)
found them in the drug store i went into to buy burt's bee's nail creme because my nails are still super fucked - bruised, ripped, very painful- i can barely put my hair up
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you can't really tell from the pic but they are a horror show

i'm also thinking about chopping off a bunch of my hair in the very near future because it's dead and it's also up in a bun anyway so...fuck it right?

boyfriend brought me half of his lunch again from the restaurant he works at

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teriyaki chicken, broccoli, peppers, and rice i even ate the rice 
it was delicious and since i ate this at like 3:30 i wasn't really hungry for dinner
 
but around 5:30 i make guacamole with chips
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avocados are apparently very good for regrowing nails too
i'm trying not to count calories 
i have a doctor's appointment on the 11th and i'm nervous she's going to say i'm not gaining enough weight so... i'm desperately trying to eat more
around 8 o'clock i made myself a little rice bowl out of leftovers
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also tried blueberry crumble halo top 

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 not a fan only had a couple of spoonfuls

 

now my sleepytime and senna tea with my lavender sugar

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in my head my lavender sugar magically has no calories because it's in a little black bag and it has magical lavender flowers mixed into it
just kidding i know it has the same amount as regular sugar
i swear i'm not stoned either, even though i wanted to eat one of my blondie squares and i'm not sure why i didn't- Phish streams old live shows on fb every tuesday i usually get a little high and then listen, but Phish makes me super happy/silly even without weed plus i've remembered to take my meds three days in a row woohoo
 
now i need to just get my ass in gear and exercise more!!!
welp good night for now

 

 

 


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New accountability 
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And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#52 Kermitleggs

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Posted 06 August 2020 - 02:36 PM

Wednesday - not the best day, missed my son's bus which is weird because we were awake

coffee- 60cals

vitamins- 55

breakfast - cottage cheese, peaches, granola again

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120

smoothie-

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maybe 300

 

cereal with milk

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170

then i had group

then i took a nap

when i woke up i felt like shit

ended up getting macdonalds for dinner

purged it immediately 

i can't not throw up macdonalds

i had a macdouble, 4 nuggets, medium fries, and a cheeseburger

oops


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#53 Kermitleggs

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Posted 06 August 2020 - 02:55 PM

Thursday

no coffee today

vitamins 55

cottage cheese, granola, and half of a peach

120

no smoothie today i have no ice

lunch chicken broth and crackers

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126ish
then cheese cracker sandwich snacks during group
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523
 
making miso salmon, lemon cous cous and zucchini to make up for last nights grossness 
nails are finally starting to feel better

 

 


FB IMG 1590415134584
 

New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#54 Kermitleggs

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Posted 07 August 2020 - 01:01 PM

last night's salmon was TITS!!! sooo good, i could literally eat salmon every.single.night.

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so far today - i've done absolutely nothing 
i did have my personal one on one "therapy" session
it's a joke - it's a 30 minute check-in, how was your week? how are you today? any plans for the weekend?
 i woke up freezing again- my bf insists on keeping the AC set on artic  AND i've been super nauseous all day - YAY pregnancy
 
coffee- 35
no vitamins
breakfast-
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avocado, ham, egg pita bread
i'm out of cottage cheese and peaches i need to go food shopping but i'm afraid of spending too much money
 
i can NOT wait to be able to low restrict and fast again
but in the meantime....
lunch
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giant salad 
tuna, ham, salami, cucumbers, peppers, olives
yum yum yum
 
one of my only "friends" who knows about my ed asked me for a belly picture which led to me getting defensive - she's like what do you hate your belly? i'm like yeah, yeah i do you know this - oh i thought it was different when you're pregnant- yeah eating disorders magically go away when you get pregnant - love her to death but she's an idiot

 


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#55 Kermitleggs

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Posted 08 August 2020 - 03:49 PM

Friday night my boyfriend brought home buffalo wings from work so i didn't cook dinner

had like 6 or 7 wings

then a yogurt cherry granola cup

and i ham and cheese sandwich 

then we watched Delivered on Hulu- a movie about a crazy lady trying to steal a pregnant ladies baby (yeah it was fucked)

 

this morning Saturday i decided to be super productive since i really did a whole lot of nothing all week

coffee- 35

a think protein bar - 150

then went to the laundromat

then went food shopping

yay

lunch

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rotisserie chicken, lettuce, avocado wrap- 300ish
then swimming YAY!!
lots of squats and "leg work" in the pool
then more lunch
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made rotisserie chicken salad
chicken- 300
mayo-90
pecans-50
cranberries
celery
onion
bagel thin-110 but i only ate half
we'll say 600 ish
 
making bbq pork tenderloin for dinner with pasta salad and corn on the cob

 


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#56 Kermitleggs

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Posted 09 August 2020 - 07:51 PM

I ate so much fucking food on Saturday

here's what dinner was 

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the dark one is mine small about of pork

but then i ate like a pound of pasta salad

and like two pounds of watermelon

the pasta tho FML

so i woke up on Sunday morning feeling enormous 

i think the carbs were a shock to my system

 

Sunday Breakfast

coffee 70- i got a new pumpkin spice cappuccino - worth the calories (yes i am a pumpkin slut)

apple, granola, cottage cheese

which i guess i didn't get a picture of or already deleted it

200

then a smoothie another 

200

went to the pool saw two VERY skinny women (pretty sure one was a crack head but whatever)

didn't stay long - one of my "healing" nails ripped off half way super painful, plus it wasn't super hot or sunny today

and i dragged my boyfriend which he HATES lol 

came home no actual lunch

cheese doodles

140

watermelon

100

quick nap

Dinner

shrimp cocktail - would have been 400 for the whole bag but i split it with my boyfriend

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the homemade cocktail sauce tho- i'm gonna say was another 300
so i'll say 
350
balsamic chicken, tomato, cheese, quinoa, green beans with marinara sauce (didn't eat the quinoa)
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between 300-400??
 
so overall i had a decent day (besides the cheese doodles) but i'm still pretty hungry might have more chicken and green beans or some watermelon or an ice cream lol
i'm officially in my third trimester and i feel huge - i'm going to be walking around 3 miles tomorrow to go see old work friends so yay 
and then tuesday is my next doctor's appointment which i also plan on walking to so...yay exercise
also need to start going to the pool more because it's going to be closing soon
hope you all had a good weekend
 
update - last nights snack
2.5 cups of watermelon - 150
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hummus and mini pitas - 200
then senna and sleepytime tea (i'm out of sleepytime)

 


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#57 Kermitleggs

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Posted 10 August 2020 - 03:26 PM

Happy Monday everyone -

 

coffee- 70

20200810 062834

vitamins- 55

breakfast- 

20200729 223934

half of a kid cliff bar 65

20200810 103850

banana matcha almond milk drink

200 just to be safe

 

walked over 2 miles 

came home had a b/p session

20200810 130548
20200810 132548
20200810 123140
20200810 123848
around 1500 
so i'm counting 750

grrrr i have to stop doing this


FB IMG 1590415134584
 

New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#58 Kermitleggs

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Posted 10 August 2020 - 03:30 PM

still trying to decide what to make for dinner

but here's some random monday silliness

FB IMG 1597024634299
FB IMG 1597067033845
FB IMG 1597066730714
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my disordered ass IMMEDIATELY thought OMG can you imagine how skinny you would wake up if you slept for a year! fucking help me
better day today tho - I'm feeling less huge than i did over the weekend
 
Dinner
20200810 171227
a potato
bag of frozen kale
half an apple
two sausage links
half a green bell pepper
half an onion
garlic
fuck ton of spices
20200810 171508

my portion

 

also not pictured bf brought me a matcha latte from dunks

and the rest of my son's apple

 

last night's snack

4 cups of watermelon - 200

hummus and pita again (less hummus this time) 120


FB IMG 1590415134584
 

New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#59 Kermitleggs

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Posted 11 August 2020 - 11:21 AM

hey all happy Tuesday

so i slept until 11:30 oops

i have to leave for the doctor soon, but of course I'm procrastinating

i'm nervous, always nervous before the doctor

 

so far today

coffee- 70

oatmeal-

20200811 115616
one plain packet - 110 cals
pb2 - 25
apple- 30
raisins- 45
scoop of this stuff 
20200811 115609
15
total 225
 
i want to go to whole foods because it's not super far from my doctor i can easily hop on a bus then walk but i really don't want to drop $100 on 6 items
WHY DOES WHOLE FOODS HAVE TO BE SO EXPENSIVE!!!

 

update back from the doctor

i lost another pound

first visit i was 159

second visit 158

today 157

the visit's are a month apart

oops

i'm just trying to maintain not lose

it's not significant so the doctor isn't concerned

she said you'll probably start to gain now

so ....

i decided to ask my bf to bring me lunch from his work

i asked for a chicken cordon bleu sandwich

they can make it fried or grilled

i didn't specify so ofc he brought me fried

20200811 150602
i ate less than half of this and want to vomit
website says 1380 not sure if that includes the fries or not
I'm starting to really not enjoy junk food anymore
like i carve it still but once i actually eat it i'm like eww, not enjoyable 
had he brought me a grilled one i would have probably ate it all
i'm about to head to the pool with little man
and i won't have to eat dinner tonight so...
plus Phish is on tonight so hopefully i can still hula hoop with my baby bump lol
i'll let you guys know
lol
also walked about 2 and a half miles today

 


FB IMG 1590415134584
 

New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/


#60 Kermitleggs

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Posted 12 August 2020 - 07:16 PM

so last night my bf was drinking which means we were arguing - well I'm a fucking idiot i hung the paper from my doctor's appointment on the fridge and right on it it says i lost 4oz since my last visit oops had i noticed that i def would not have hung the paper up - so we were arguing all night - tells me i have to eat - grow a baby etc but then let's me skip dinner and says no when i asked if he wanted to order Chinese food  and then we argued about money and then we argued about a lot of other nonsense and of course he remembers nothing in the morning and i end up feeling like shit about myself- didn't hula hoop to Phish - listened to the show but didn't really even enjoy it *sad face* we argued about Phish too - i love them my bf thinks they're shir so.....

 

slept like shit last night

so i slept until 11:30 then had group

today was not a very good food day

definitely didn't eat enough

 

coffee - 100

breakfast-

cottage cheese, apple, granola

170

lunch was

american cheese and saltines

maybe 600? no clue

also a few bites of my bf's lunch

20200804 151821
chicken, broccoli, rice stir fry but had way too much sauce

maybe 300

then went to the pool with my little guy

dinner 

20200812 193023
whole wheat pasta, chicken, broccoli and vodka sauce also too much sauce
maybe 500? no idea

i'm still kind of sad, but whatever, i'll get over it...i always do


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New accountability 
https://www.myproana...-my-vent-space/

 

And this is why I'm not skinny anymore:

https://www.myproana...9069-food-dump/



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