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What's life like for you?


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#21 heyitshayden

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 02:24 AM

I don't really know what i want to do with my life. Since quarantine, i've just been at home thinking about how i should DO something like get a job or go outside with friends and clean up my act and start restricting again. I just haven't had the motivation to do so. I haven't been studying for some important tests i have to take soon and even though they are important, I feel like i'll be fine? Idk, i'm probably just being lazy. I have also just been sitting at home watching youtube just eating food. i feel like i'm really turning into a fat ass. Like most of the time during my life with an ED, i have never really looked at myself and said, "god, you're fat" and TRULY meant it. I would say stuff like that just to make myself feel bad and want to restrict again, but it never came up just naturally. i've been looking at myself and jesus.....i really need to restrict but i just have ZERO motivation. like i want to be skinny and be able to wear whatever i want and look good and everything that comes with that. But, i think the less i see people, the less i feel worse about myself. which is kind of terrifying since we're in quarantine and once school starts again, i don't know if we'll be doing online or if they'll actually let us go to school. so... kfnskdnkjsngjangjlseknoslkg oewkslgrnveoksld.gnv szkxj,msjodkgvwianofqnAINONOnonoqffNKNnklfKk jkknkl.,√s

 

idk what else to say. im tired cuz its like midnight and ahahahahfsijbgssjgnjisfwnfs


hey

 

 

 

(・_・)ノ


#22 KuroNoShiroChan

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 02:42 AM

from a physical stand point my life is great i live in a place with staff,  i get a lot of help to getting out and attending events that i want, no one is abusive towards me, even when im in the psychiatric ward people are good to me, never been assaulted, though do have my ups and downs with my parents they are all in all good parents  - im even on disability benifit so i wont be forced to work hours i cant keep up with so everything should be good right?

 

but mentally its hell, i hate being alive, sure there are things i want to do and so on but i, exhausted, tired of fighting a losing battle i have for years hated my abled body, selfharm has become more difficult to do but the need for it hasnt become less, i feel useless, a failure   and im just tired of being alive tired of existing and this feeling has made me feel like an un-great-full piece of Sh*t 

and i feel like there is no end in sight that im stuck here like this, useless and its hateful 


                  displaypicture-3.png

 

  Hw: 123 lbs
 
  LW 74.9 lbs
 
        Cw: 108lbs 😭  :blink:
 
Skærmbillede 2019-05-26 kl. 08.57.03.png
 
Gw1: 88lbs
 
Gw 2: 77lbs
 
Gw 3: 74.9 lbs
 

girl-sending-virtual-hug-gif.gif   giphy.gif

 

:wub: UGW: BMI 8.2  :wub: 
 

 

             64532621_1357338147752827_6975737293474627584_n.jpg
 

 


#23 Pumpkin-King

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 03:34 AM

I'm living at someone else's house over the summer and they dont understand anything can trigger me. I know it's stupid expecting her to take a hint but every time she describes someone as "like anorexic skinny. Shes way smaller than you even, oh but you dont wanna be like that." I walk off. Those have been the only memorable moments in the entire summer, other than finding out my parents probably filed for divorce while I've been several states away. Most of my days are spent pacing and worrying about the fact that I mess everything up and I feel like I'm only gaining weight.

(Sorry that wasn't very interesting lmao it was just a short rant so I'm sorry for that)

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SW: 118(20.3)

CW: 106(18.2)

GW: 90(15.4)

UGW: 85(14.6)

Pro-recovery just not recovering

Stay safe <3


#24 melatonin tears

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 03:54 AM

Fucked. I ruined my body completely (years of starving led me to hypothyroidism which resulted in gastroparesis). I try and get as much liquid and nutrients down as possible so I don't end up back in the hospital since I can't eat at all. Currently working towards remaining home so my upcoming birthday might not be too miserable. 


tenor.gif?itemid=16001266


#25 baguettesniper

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 04:16 AM

I wake up, go to work and ask to stay until closing so I can take home all the food we'd throw away. I then b/p for 6-9 hrs (binge 2hr purge for 1 - repeat for 2/3 times) and then go to sleep. Repeat. I wish I could stop, I was 104ish but now I'm around 113 and I want to kms I feel so fat. I want to get skinny again so my coworkers will be concerned. Esp one of my managers, he's gay and funny but he's such a sweetheart if he cared I would fucking leech off of it. I keep trying to get down to 2 bp a day and yesterday i did it, today I just finished my 2nd and I hope to TRY to fast tomorrow... Knowing me though I'll just BP since it's my day off... eh...

 

Anyways, I'm 18, saving up $ for a car. I can't drive because my mother has kept me basically caged in all my life- limit access to friends (apart from school aka no visiting them) until my most recent birthday. SOOO sick of this abusive boomer, can't wait to get the fuck out. Was going to be at UTC (college) by now and living there for the summer too but the stupid pandemic ruined that shit. Oh, also I graduated yesterday (Technically the day before since it's 5 AM now but whatever... the 28th I graduated) and my counselor (essentially a mother to me) drove me and I helped set up/clean up and I enjoyed it. I love lifting heavy shit someone my weight shouldn't. Anything under 40ish lbs I can lift, and I fucking love doing it.

 

Can't wait for my heart to fail from this dumb disease lol

Can't wait for work on Wednesday so I can have fun with my co-workers

 

oh yeah forgot to mention I work at Captain Ds and fucking love it, I hated Bojangles but turns out not all food service jobs suck, it just depends on the boss/coworkers


5'6

 

 

I'm in no rush.

 
BN
My final destination will not be my current location.
 
Previously the user >>Failure<<

#26 milk rabbit

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 04:21 AM

i'm frantically trying to restrict whilst being watched like a hawk, i lie to my loved ones like 40 times per day and that sucks bc i love them. i am meant to be getting better because if i don't i will probably miss out on a massive once in a lifetime opportunity, but nothing is an incentive to recover and i feel empty as hell but hey at least my puppy loves me right?

my stats:

hw: 51kg/112.4lbs(BMI 20.9)

cw: 40kg/88.1lbs(BMI 16.4)

lw: 39.6kg/87.3lbs(BMI 16.2)

gw1: 40kg/88.1lbs (BMI 16.4)✓

gw2: 36kg/79.3lbs (BMI 14.7)

ugw: 33kg/72.7lbs (BMI 13.5)


lost: 11kg/24.2lbs left: 7kg/15.4lbs

"i'll never be good enough for you."

#27 Cosmiicao

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 04:39 AM

Life's like good? Or something? For the first time since I was a child I have a really close, solid group of friends. I finally reached out to one of them about my anorexia. We're spending our time camping and canoeing and drinking at 4am. I'm learning to cook and bake better, I'm close enough with my sister. I did okayish in school. Life's fine. Good. I should be so happy. Why am I relapsing so hard?


Current BMI: 18 /// Goal BMI: 16 /// Lowest BMI: 12.1

 

My Accountability: https://www.myproana.../#entry72134713

 

 

* * *

 

Days under 900kcal counter: 1


#28 Cosmiicao

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 04:42 AM

i'm frantically trying to restrict whilst being watched like a hawk, i lie to my loved ones like 40 times per day and that sucks bc i love them. i am meant to be getting better because if i don't i will probably miss out on a massive once in a lifetime opportunity, but nothing is an incentive to recover and i feel empty as hell but hey at least my puppy loves me right?

 

Ugh I actually relate to this so much. It's so hard to have people watching you constantly just waiting for you to slip up. It honestly becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

I hope you pull through and I hope you get your opportunity. And yes, your puppy does love you!


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Current BMI: 18 /// Goal BMI: 16 /// Lowest BMI: 12.1

 

My Accountability: https://www.myproana.../#entry72134713

 

 

* * *

 

Days under 900kcal counter: 1


#29 Madilynxx

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 02:06 PM

My life is alright now. I’ve just finished university to do special needs teaching and I’m also studying online atm to do early childhood education which I’m nearly finished! I’m in a long distance relationship too so next year I’m moving to Australia to close the distance. (COVID 19 permitted!!) I’m hoping as soon as I finish my online course I can get a job in a preschool for the last few months of the year.

My day to day life is currently:
- working from home for my dads business,
- FaceTiming my boyfriend,
- studying online,
- watching Netflix/ YouTube,
- exercising.

#30 Salty_And_Sassy_Sarcasm101

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 02:58 PM

I'm depressed, anxious, and feel guilty constantly. I'm worried about my friend constantly, because her home life isn't looking good. Nobody in my life understands that I just can't do this. I can't go through a school day without sleeping through at least one class. I haven't been sleeping well, and I'm exhausted emotionally and physically. I love my family, but I feel like they don't love me. I've been lying to my friends and everyone around me, saying that I'm fine and that my depression is getting better. But it's not. The one thing that brought me joy yesterday was figuring out the combination code for the pill box. I can't tell anyone that I've relapsed on every single thing I've gone through. I don't have any motivation, and it doesn't matter how many times people say, "you can do it," I just think, "no, I can't."I don't know if I want to do it. I try to be positive for my friends and supportive for everyone around me, but I just don't care anymore. I just want to be skinny and die. And I know I should go back to the hospital.  But I will NEVER go back there again willingly. Treatment just makes me terrified of getting help, because it didn't work. Because I don't want it to work. And nobody understands why. I don't even understand why. I'm so fucking lonely.

 

I'm sorry, this was just a huge vent, I don't know why I went in to so much detail. Sorry.


“If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it’s like to be me”

Don't  mind me, just cruisin' in the ocean of  identity finding, all while trying to lose a fuck ton of weight.
 

Diagnosis: PTSD, Social Anxiety, General Anxiety, EDNOS, Depression

Stay safe!

 

🖤💜🖤

 

:Stats:

 

Height: 5'8.5"

Weight: 164 lbs (BMI 25 [ew])

GW 1: 130 lbs

GW 2: 115 lbs

GW 3: 100 lbs

GW 4: 95 lbs

UGW: 85  lbs / death(?)

 

Pronouns:

 

They / Them / Theirs

 

:Goal Body Features: 

 

Ribs showing prominently, hip bones jutting out, every spine segment showing, concaving stomach, bony arms, large thigh gap, chest practically disappearing, overall just a very malnourished and androgynous look.

 
line divider.
 
Null Drawing UwU
 
Eh

 

Eek

 

line divider.

 

 

 

 


#31 hushgirlx

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 03:23 PM

I thought I had finally recovered from my eating disorder, I was happy with college and my relationship. But then the quarantine came around and my boyfriend started treating me like shit, I relapsed, lost 10kg and got addicted to exercises, my boyfriend broke up with me, my country has a really shitty president and, because of that, I'll probably have to stay in quarantine for the rest of the year and I'm depressed again! Yay!

#32 Littlebatt

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 04:27 PM

Stressed and depressed
Every day is the same


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#33 Ahhhidfk

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Posted 30 June 2020 - 05:16 PM

This post is so wholesome, OP.

My life is incredibly linear. Because of lockdown I’ve temporarily moved in with my boyfriend, 100 miles away from home. We have a very solid routine and I really am loving it. No detail, no negativity, just a little fact


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