So hear me out.These last weeks, I've basically been compulsively grocery shopping, everything I like, that looked good in the moment, sometimes just to have an excuse to go out and procrastinate. I am/was trying to eat intuitively, but (of course lol) I still want to lose weight. It does kinda work when the parameters are good, like, nobody forces me to eat something and I can freely decide what to have and when. I wanted to not restrict any sort of food, even the junkiest junk, so I bought everything lol. This went well for a good time even.
But now, I really have stacks on stacks of candy, and for all the time I've been doing IE, even if I binge on it, I still restock it, because I want to learn to be okay with having no matter what around me, I still listen to my body and what I want and not any compulsion to binge. I want to be 'strong' enough to not be influenced by what is there. You get me?
But now, I feel just really uncomfortable with all this. I seriously prefer whole, healthy filling food, and sometimes a bit of candy, but it's more like a little but after a meal because that's when it tastes good and I can rather justify it. With having so much around, I already feel unhealthy without eating it, and still have a feeling of 'having' to eat it sooner or later because it's there and I don't want to waste food and I bought it and spend money on it, so I 'have' to eat it. It's not even the good tempting things that bother me, my favorite candy is great and I want to keep it around all the time anyways. It's the extra 80% that I didn't really like and/or I found just too unhealthy (not from a judging perspective, but from a ugh-I-feel-like-I'm-pouring-poison-into-my-body-eating-this-pure-syrup-!-perspective).I wish I could start over with a new kitchen and keep mostly fresh, nice quality whole foods around that I LIKE to eat and also, the junk food I really like and WANT to eat in moderation because it's good, not because of a weird it-has-to-go-so-I'd-rather-binge-on-it-so-it's-gone nervousness. But I'm not a fan of black and white thinking, and I fear this is some kind of sneaky ocd-ish thing of mine that I have often with other things like certain belongings and such where I get super obsessive and into a downwards spiral of worries, because a 'normal' eater could just ignore it and eat their fresh nice food and a little of the good sweets and be fine, not be so damn ANNOYED by the extra. It's just TOO MUCH for my little stupid nerves.
What should I do? what would you do? (No, hiding it doesn't help, because I know it's still there. I don't have anyone to give it to, and I don't know of any food places where they take bags of already opened junk here)