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my accountability :D from 65kg to 40kg


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#1 asteria.nyx

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Posted 11 July 2020 - 09:54 PM

i don’t actually know if i’m 65kg since i have no scale avaiable so i’m just taking guesses.
hi everyone!! i’m going back to LOW restricting tomorrow (basically 20min from
now) since i think im traveling on october and i don’t want to look like a whale there.

right now i’m definitely overweight! i dont know for sure but my sw is maybe 143lbs/65kg.

GW1: 60kg / 132lbs
GW2: 57kg / 125lbs (one of my last year’s lw ❤️)
GW3: 55kg / 121lbs
GW4: 50kg / 110lbs
GW5: 47kg / 103lbs
GW6: 45kg / 99lbs (❤️❤️❤️)
UGW: 40kg / 88lbs

but my secret ugw is 35kg / 77lbs... i’d die happy to see myself at BMI 15. like.. really 😍. anyway i’m going to sleep now since i hate everything. bye <3

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height; 152cm

#2 asteria.nyx

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Posted 12 July 2020 - 09:45 AM

http://www.image.farm/image/RfEVUr

thinspo!!

anyway, i just had ~300cal for lunch and i’m purging everything in the shower. i mostly use the shower not only to bathe but to purge whatever meal i just had. i used to purge out of the shower but now, in quarantine, i just don’t feel safe to do that.

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height; 152cm

#3 asteria.nyx

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Posted 12 July 2020 - 12:45 PM

ok i just had some snacks: i forgot the name of the first in english + a sandwich. considering the fact that i purged my lunch but i still consider 20% of its calories, i’ve had ~285cal today until now.

i’m thinking about what plan i’m gonna follow to get to 45kg until i supposedly travel in october. i used a body weight planner and apparently if i walk lightly everyday for 30min (basically walking my dog), i can get to 45kg in 81days if i simply eat 503. it sounds easy, and eating 500cal daily is something i can get to.

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height; 152cm

#4 asteria.nyx

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Posted 12 July 2020 - 05:43 PM

i had ~1224cal-1300 today - yeah, counting the calories i purged. tomorrow i’ll start restricting to only 500cal along with walking my dog for 30min as exercise.

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height; 152cm

#5 asteria.nyx

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Posted 12 July 2020 - 08:25 PM

my plan:

-500 cals daily
-30min walk with dog everyday or at least 5 times a week
-toning exercises (if i can)

sorry for spamming this

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#6 asteria.nyx

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Posted 13 July 2020 - 12:03 PM

right now it’s almost 2pm and i’m walking my dog - which basically means that i let him walk freely thru my apartment building’s park while i walk lightly to briskly for 30-40min, and we go up and down the stairs. he’s two years old and he doesn’t exercise much, just like me, so i’m trying to build this habit for the both of us.
i’m 17h into my 20:4 fast, which is pretty cool i think. one meal a day is kinda hard, but when you get to your only meal, it’s really easy to restrict it and have only a few calories for the day.
i have another idea for losing more weight: having more liquids than solids. i also wish i had a scale so i had a weekly goal weight, but right now the two scales we have at home are broken. just my luck, really.

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#7 asteria.nyx

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Posted 13 July 2020 - 02:50 PM

:( ok, so i was going on a second walk with my dog and my sister so we could buy some stuff at the supermarket. not even two min in and i see one of my ex’s friends - a dude that wanted to hookup with me like twice last year. i wasn’t this heavy last year and i looked a bit worse so it was just embarassing to see him, along with the fact that i haven’t waxed, i look fat with wet hair and i look like a little fat kid wearing my naruto t-shirt.
anyway like 10min later we see another of my ex’s friends, a girl that looks way better than me, takes care of herself, workouts and plays sports, is extroverted... i was like :/ and she was like :D
i haven’t eaten anything today and i’ve burned like ~140-160cal today but i still feel so big.

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#8 asteria.nyx

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Posted 13 July 2020 - 07:09 PM

i just began my 20:4 timer again... and WOW i’m not happy with today!! ok im happy that i exercised but...

when my timer ended and i was allowed to eat... i made my worst mistake.. i started snacking and i made a sandwich... which would put me at 300-400?? BUT THEN my dad got home with takeout: meat, some stuff with cheese and garlic bread. and i made the mistake of eating everything and a cookie. so i had to do my emergency plan: i got to my shower and purged it. and now i’m sitting here wondering if i purged everything.

food i may have purged: 780-1400cal?
food i ate and didn’t purge: 200-300cal?
food not purged + 20% of what i purged??: 500-600??
cal burned in exercise: 161cal.

idk. I DONT KNOW. I DONT KNOW. I WISH I KNEW HOW MUCH I PURGED. NOW I DONT KNOW. WHAT THE FUCK.
i hate my life i dont know if i purged everything.

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#9 asteria.nyx

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Posted 13 July 2020 - 07:33 PM

ok lemme calculate everything:

what i ate:
-sandwich, along with small toasts and a piece of carrot: ~280cal
-grilled meat: 100-180cal but imma be staying with 168cal.
-cheese thingy: 278cal
-cookie my sister made: ~ 210cal?
-half a garlic bread: ~168cal.

i know that i purged most of the takeout (~800-900cal) and even some carrots. so considering that i have consumed only 40% of 850(?)... i had 340 from the takeout.

so i had ~620cal and burned 161cal. i don’t know if its correct but its an estimation. i just read a thread about how many cal do u purge in a b/p session, and most people agree that u can purge 90% of what u binged on, but i don’t even know if i purged it all. i think i saw bile but it could be garlic bread. i’m not counting today as a total failure because i’m losing weight anyway but i’m gonna try and lose MORE tomorrow, eating ONLY 500cal and working out MORE.

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#10 asteria.nyx

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Posted 13 July 2020 - 08:18 PM

ok i felt awful so i had some pieces of a cookie and i began my fasting timer. i swear, if my stomach isn’t flatter tomorrow...🙁

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#11 asteria.nyx

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Posted 15 July 2020 - 09:33 AM

Had one of the worst anxiety I’ve ever had in my life yesterday. I had about 500-800cal. I didn’t even care about counting calories, I was a mess.
Today I’m still recovering from the anxiety I had yesterday, feeling a bit better but still a bit anxious. My breakfast was ~300cal. I know that I won’t be losing a lot like this but my main priority rn is my mental health.

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#12 asteria.nyx

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Posted 20 July 2020 - 09:51 PM

hi guys. i’m a whole lot better now but i’ve been eating like shit and i looked in the mirror and i could see that i looked horrible. i’m back to fasting and restricting.
i was supposed to go to the mall with my siblings and my mum but i asked my sister if i looked ok and she pointed out that i was wearing flip flops. at that moment i realized that i would look tragically ugly no matter what i wore, since i’m fat and massive. so i just said that i didnt want to go anymore and got on my bed. and i started crying too.
i’m a bit upset. i’m ugly. i’m fat.

from hours ago

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#13 asteria.nyx

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Posted 20 July 2020 - 10:00 PM

ok so the post above was written at like... 3pm? rn its 11pm so lemme just review my day-
i worked out quite a bit, at least in comparison to most days (i can only sit and cry remembering how i’d swim twice per week). im just hoping i can keep it up. i ate... ~400-500? mfp says 340. at least i know i ate less than what i was supposed to.
anyway.. tbh i just want to disappear. i constantly get hopeful for a new relationship but i forget that i’m ugly, fat and have a shitty personality. me and my friend were pranking this dude telling him that i had feelings for him and i was lowkey hoping that he’d say that he liked me back.. OBVIOUSLY it didnt work since we dont know each other in person (we’re from the same school but only met in quarantine), we barely talk and blahblahblah... we laughed it off afterwards but like...
i want to SCREEEEAAAAAMMMM!!! honestly at this point i think im better off as a celibate. what in the actual fuck is wrong with me.

cal burned: 90-130?
cal eaten: ~340-500?

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#14 asteria.nyx

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Posted 21 July 2020 - 10:37 AM

i just had ~242cal for lunch, which i think is a bit too much but whatever.
i also just got the news that next week i’m going shopping for clothes with my mom and i don’t know what to do. i don’t know how much i have to speed up my exercising to look skinnier by then, i definitely don’t want to buy clothes looking this fat. what the hell.

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height; 152cm

#15 asteria.nyx

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Posted 21 July 2020 - 08:53 PM

ok so today i had ~900cal?? i dont really know. but im happy that i walked more than yesterday and did one more workout. i really REALLY want to look skinnier by next week. last time my grandma saw me, i had gained weight, but she either didnt notice it or she simply didnt comment. idk but i really really want to look skinnier by next week.

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height; 152cm

#16 asteria.nyx

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Posted 22 July 2020 - 08:04 PM

binge day. i don’t know how much i ate, it was probably less than my bmr or tdee or whatever. very crazy but i’m not that worried. i’m disappointed but not upset. that is great.
did my toning exercises today, just need to do one more (that was optional but i still want to do it :P). my muscles are a bit more tight, i think.

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height; 152cm

#17 asteria.nyx

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Posted 23 July 2020 - 08:36 PM

had like <1000cal? idk. did my workouts as always.
i’m gonna start low cal keto when my grandma leaves. this is gonna speed things up considerably.

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height; 152cm

#18 asteria.nyx

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Posted 24 July 2020 - 08:47 PM

binging day!! didn’t exercise either. gonna see what i can do to get to 35kg until my bday.

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#19 asteria.nyx

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Posted 26 July 2020 - 09:42 AM

yesterday i probably had 1000cal and i purged my dinner and some other snack i had. i exercised.

//

today im kinda frustrated since i was supposed to go with somoene to the drugstore so we could weigh ourselves but i woke up too late and she left. i could go by myself but i hate showing up there alone.

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#20 asteria.nyx

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Posted 26 July 2020 - 09:04 PM

binge day. also my grandmas here
can i just cut off my fat :( :( :( :( :(

thinspo:

8953dc664309bbc0726635675439d835.jpg

i wish i had those legs. mine look so awful

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