I just feel so alone. I mean, I wouldn't say I have true muscle dysmorphia because I don't actually want all the muscle. I just want to be muscular.
But I can't stop sabotaging myself. I try to do a cut and I end up over-restricting until I binge. I try to bulk even a tiny amount and I spiral into self-loathing. I don't know why I can't just aim for my goals without going into this unhealthiness.