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I feel like I'm getting worse with age


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#1 Aly1910

Aly1910

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 02:55 AM

I'm 28. Almost 29. And I feel like the older I get the more I have to prove my worth. I suppose it doesn't help that I was recently reminded about my worthlessness.
No real career. I work but its a laughable profession. I'm a mom. But I feel like my laid back nature is bothersome to my partner. [By laid back I mean that I don't get worked up by the small stuff. I am pretty easy going.]
Anyways. I say this because at 28 I've almost perfected easing in and out of my disordered habits. Get too fat? Stop eating. Get too small. Start eating again. Losing your shit? Purge. Feeling too militant? Binge a little. And I ebb and flow back and forth... however, I'm constantly in motion. I don't know how to stop either gaining or losing or how to be satisfied where I am. I'm creeping to 30. Lowest weight of 88lbs and a highest of 155. And I've been every single size in between. I've perfected methods but I've never been happy with right where I am. And I just think that with time... I just get worse. Never better. I'm never where I want to be. I'm never satisfied. I'm not unhappy perse. I just don't know how to be genuinely happy
I apologize. I'm exhausted. Its late where I am. And I just needed to say that.
I'm 28 and I still have no idea how to just be


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