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I feel like I'm getting worse with age


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#1 Aly1910

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 02:55 AM

I'm 28. Almost 29. And I feel like the older I get the more I have to prove my worth. I suppose it doesn't help that I was recently reminded about my worthlessness.
No real career. I work but its a laughable profession. I'm a mom. But I feel like my laid back nature is bothersome to my partner. [By laid back I mean that I don't get worked up by the small stuff. I am pretty easy going.]
Anyways. I say this because at 28 I've almost perfected easing in and out of my disordered habits. Get too fat? Stop eating. Get too small. Start eating again. Losing your shit? Purge. Feeling too militant? Binge a little. And I ebb and flow back and forth... however, I'm constantly in motion. I don't know how to stop either gaining or losing or how to be satisfied where I am. I'm creeping to 30. Lowest weight of 88lbs and a highest of 155. And I've been every single size in between. I've perfected methods but I've never been happy with right where I am. And I just think that with time... I just get worse. Never better. I'm never where I want to be. I'm never satisfied. I'm not unhappy perse. I just don't know how to be genuinely happy
I apologize. I'm exhausted. Its late where I am. And I just needed to say that.
I'm 28 and I still have no idea how to just be
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#2 wasteless

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Posted 27 July 2020 - 07:54 AM

I'm the same age and I feel ya. My disordered eating and working out even seem normal in this age range. I also feel like my personality is primarily dictated by food and exercise.

I did go to an ED specialized therapist which has helped my self-talk tremendously. I had medicaid (US) though so not sure if that's an option for you.

Being a good mom is a huge responsibility, and if your partner is degrading you for what you decide to do in your free time, I'd reconsider.

My BF is very laid back too and sometimes I get annoyed but then I realize it's my own anxiety flaring up.

I relate a lot besides being a mom - I hope you can find something simple you like to do and get joy from
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#3 Aly1910

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Posted 29 July 2020 - 12:49 PM

I'm the same age and I feel ya. My disordered eating and working out even seem normal in this age range. I also feel like my personality is primarily dictated by food and exercise.

I did go to an ED specialized therapist which has helped my self-talk tremendously. I had medicaid (US) though so not sure if that's an option for you.

Being a good mom is a huge responsibility, and if your partner is degrading you for what you decide to do in your free time, I'd reconsider.

My BF is very laid back too and sometimes I get annoyed but then I realize it's my own anxiety flaring up.

I relate a lot besides being a mom - I hope you can find something simple you like to do and get joy from

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Im feeling way better than I did the other night. I really love this community. I can be expressive with little to no judgment and I feel like I can read stories and thoughts here and it gives me so much perspective on not only what others feel and think but also on things I hadn't even considered. Thank you for reading. I hope you are well and you deserve all the world's happiness 💜
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#4 an0nymouse

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Posted 03 August 2020 - 12:51 PM

I'm in the same age group as well and I am 100% getting deeper into it with age. It's so weird, I didn't even really develop disordered eating until my mid-20's. Before that, I just thought my body was the way that it was and I was destined to just be the slightly "chunky" version of myself forever. Then I started running/eating well and lost about 20 lbs/started getting a LOT more attention from pretty girls I used to go to school with/old guy friends. When I stopped running (due to lack of motivation/general laziness) the weight started to slowly creep - cue when my disordered thoughts really started to kick in (and I've been in the ebb and flow since that point 6 years ago). 


I hope you are doing well, I give so much credit to moms. <3


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#5 Penelo

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Posted 04 August 2020 - 07:42 AM

Hey, I wish I could say something to magically make you feel better, but I can't. All I can say is, I totally and completely understand where you are coming from and I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.  I'm 26 and married, but no kids.

It can feel really lonely going through an ED while the world continues going on at a pace that feels to fast ... feel free to PM me <3 


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#6 rcanina

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Posted 20 August 2020 - 01:53 AM

focus on self esteem 


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#7 dye

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Posted 21 August 2020 - 04:13 AM

i feel mentally better but physically worse, my problems got real, what i only imagined when i was depressed for the first time truly happened so now i don't have like a mental problem just real one. unsolvable. because i saw the potential of my situationn then when i was younger to have these problems. and i knew my personality and also how people react. it goes hand in hand with the weight. the fatter i am less i can do, more people hate me, but better i feel. i don't want to be slave to people. but they harm me and threaten me if i don't comply. world is just hopeless place regardless if you see it or not.
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#8 fatlouie

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Posted 22 August 2020 - 11:55 AM

In my case it didn't necessarily get worse, but I feel like nothing's changed. I still have the same thoughts I did as a teenager, the same habits, behaviors and motivations. Which makes me feel like shit because I feel I didn't mature; like I should have grown out of this by now. I don't feel like a grown up at all. I also have no career, didn't finish college, still living at home, only part time employed... It all just fuels my self hatred.


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#9 SlimFeelings

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Posted 20 September 2020 - 11:18 AM

I feel like everyone's post are my own thoughts.
:(  :(  :(


.+*Be Well Everyone. Life Is Too Short.*+.

 

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.+*SW-172~+*+~CW-155~+*+~GW-145~+*+~UGW-135*+.



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