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Finally Having Taco Bell Again, and I'm Terrified

anorexia EDNOS Taco Bell fear food purging scared

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#1 Kaybug150

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Posted 01 August 2020 - 05:28 PM

Back when I was purging, Taco Bell was one thing I could literally never keep down, no matter what I did. It made me feel disgusting. So when I tried to stop purging, I gave it up, and now I haven't had it in a few years. Well, I'm eating there tonight, and I'm genuinely terrified.

I try to keep reminding myself that going back to purging is completely my decision, no matter how I feel afterwards. If I don't want to do it, I don't have to. But I'm still scared. ūüė•
  • PizzaRat likes this

‚ÄčI have before - I will again.

 

The scale doesn't lie - people do

 

HW: 123

LW: 99

CW: 116

GW1: 105

GW2: 99

UGW: 95 / 88

 

‚ÄčThere's a room inside your gut

‚ÄčClose the door and keep it shut

‚ÄčLet no daylight enter in

And the punishment begin

 

‚ÄčEmptiness is pure. Starvation is the cure.


#2 ScarlettRosetta

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Posted 01 August 2020 - 05:40 PM

maybe why to choose a lower cal option somehow if thats possible, just to kind of make you feel better about eating it? I used to purge too, it's such a hard thing to stop doing but it's not impossible. purging isn't even a solution to me anymore 


  • aneles likes this

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#3 Kaybug150

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Posted 01 August 2020 - 11:37 PM

Dinner is done. I discreetly set a timer on my phone once I had finished eating, in an effort to keep myself from purging. It's now been an hour and a half since I finished dinner. I'm feeling okay. Trying to fight the urge I have.


  • AmethystAna, aneles and ScarlettRosetta like this

‚ÄčI have before - I will again.

 

The scale doesn't lie - people do

 

HW: 123

LW: 99

CW: 116

GW1: 105

GW2: 99

UGW: 95 / 88

 

‚ÄčThere's a room inside your gut

‚ÄčClose the door and keep it shut

‚ÄčLet no daylight enter in

And the punishment begin

 

‚ÄčEmptiness is pure. Starvation is the cure.


#4 aneles

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Posted 02 August 2020 - 12:00 AM

Dinner is done. I discreetly set a timer on my phone once I had finished eating, in an effort to keep myself from purging. It's now been an hour and a half since I finished dinner. I'm feeling okay. Trying to fight the urge I have.

you can do this! i understand purging can be addicting in some way. possibly a more healthy way to distract yourself is jumprope or dance to your favorite music. Doing both of these things makes me feel high. its not even about the calories burned, its simply bc moving feels like i can be safe as long as i dont stop until ive let my feelings out

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let me stay sad please because when i am happy i eat too much




Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: anorexia, EDNOS, Taco Bell, fear food, purging, scared

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