9 replies to this topic

[HongKongPhooey]

Hello! I've yet to land here in the 40+ forum - have been exclusively in others (bulimia, general ED, ortho) and a thread was posted that I thought might be interesting to explore here. 

 

Where do you see your ED going in the next 10 years?

 

...the youngsters worded it as "how do you see this/your story with ED ending" but it needs revision for this board, I think. 

 

Will he go away?

Will he continue on course, as it?

Do you see your disorder flaring in waves around those tense times of year and lesser when things are calm?

 

I'm a 47 y/o mother of 17 year old rising hs senior/college applicant and my bulimia is RAGING since the arrival of COVID. I am a strong, lean, 5' 10" daily-practicing yogi that most would say is "the healthiest person" they know (got them fooled...hehe). 

 

I do NOT have control over this virus.

I do NOT have control over what this school year will look like for my son nor the college application process.

I can't control his SAT/ACT scores nor motivate him to get on writing his essays so he has ample time to think them through. 

 

I  CAN control what goes in my body and stays there. 

 

I hope I can break this habit-cycle/BAD HOBBY before I reach nursing home age. Something tells me that they don't accept bulimic 75 year old residents. 

 

What do you see as YOUR future with (or without!) ED?

 

✩ No wrong answers ✩

 

p.s. ➪➪➪ Thank you for entertaining this post from a newbie.

[*~pixie angelheart~*]

To be honest, I've given up on my ED ever going away. My ED started when I was 22, and I'm now almost 55. If it hasn't gone away by now, I can't imagine why it ever would! I've been through what seems like a million recovery attempts, and they've all failed, over the long-term.   

 

I certainly feel for you, having a high school senior, especially during this pandemic!    I have 2 sons, now 27 and 19, and have gone through the whole applying for colleges process twice. The senior year can be super stressful, that's for sure!    My 19-year-old is just about to start his junior year in college, and I'm completely terrified about him going back during this pandemic!   

[shannie]

Hi hongkongphooey! Glad you found us! ( I remember that cartoon as a kid lol)

Honestly, I don’t give much thought to where my Anorexia will be in 10 years mainly because I can’t imagine my life without it (even if it’s just lurking in the background). It’s a habit, addiction, mental illness, comfort, identity, and much more all rolled into one messy package.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to separate myself from it after all this time...I’m 54 for goodness sake!

Sure, I’ve had periods of “recovery” where all I did was trade one addiction for another (alcohol, binge eating, sex, exercise, cigarettes, super high risk behavior...you name it, I’ve done it) but in the end, even with lots of expensive treatment, I still come back to my old ED standby so I have no expectation it will ever really go away. The difference now, is I’m not trying to die from it like I was 15 years ago. I actually like my life and want to be around for my kids and grandkids.

It’s funny you mention 75 yo bulimics. I was In treatment last time when I was 40 yo and we had a sweet Bulimic lady in IOP who was close to 70 yo at the time. I was always so amazed by her that after all these years she was still trying to get well. I

My ED has really flared during Covid, too. It’s always been fueled by anxiety.

Good luck with college apps\ essays! My kids are 19 months apart so I went through it all at once and it is very stressful in the best of times!

Please be safe and hope to see you around!
xo

[*~pixie angelheart~*]

It’s always been fueled by anxiety.

 

Yes, I've heard several people who research AN say that AN is really an "anxiety disorder." Restricting often reduces anxiety in those people who are prone to anxiety, and eating just causes even more anxiety in anorexics. I, for one, have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm sure many other anorexics are diagnosed with it as well.   

[shannie]

Yes, I've heard several people who research AN say that AN is really an "anxiety disorder." Restricting often reduces anxiety in those people who are prone to anxiety, and eating just causes even more anxiety in anorexics. I, for one, have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm sure many other anorexics are diagnosed with it as well.   

Same. GAD and PTSD. Aren’t we lucky lol!

It’s very closely connected with my OCD which is also rooted in anxiety.

I’m sorry you suffer with this, too.
xo

[ButtonsAligned]

I enjoyed the honesty of this post.

None of us are really in control of what happens to us, we are just making the best we can of it all.

As for your teenager, may I suggest movie nights with inspirational and motivational themes? This would combine quality time together with your kid and time to talk about what each of you find motivational.

[Leanan_Sidhe]

I am 43 now and this is very, very new to me.  I would have been classified as a BE previously, I think.

But, NOT eating????

Never thought that would happen.  

It started as a diet on 1/1/2020 and it kind of just took control.

I am not sure I am even comfortable calling it a problem, despite my psych diagnosing me EDNOS..... He is just waiting for me to tell him I am below 110 and it will switch to anorexia. 

(We teleconference, so he no longer gets my accurate weight....like .... duh, of course I am not going to tell you the truth about my weight.)

He also did diagnose me as OCD, which I do not see at all.

BPD.... yep, my crazy borderline ass has had that since birth.

GAD....maybe.... but damn, this year has got to have everybody feeling that level of anxiety all the time.

Anorexic???

Nope.

[Mindful Lady]

Deleted. It was too pessimistic  

[HongKongPhooey]

Thanks to all for sharing their thoughts here and for welcoming me. Just doing my best until I learn better, you know? And using every resource I can to do so. 

[back_to_skinny]

Even though I'm in my early 30ies this thread resonates with me much.

 

​For me, my ED also seemingly creates the illusion that I am in control in life as I can control how much I eat.

 

At the same time this year has made me even more aware of the fact that this control while micromanaging my behaviour around food is only an illusion, too. The virus has turned my life up side down, too and I lost control and the same is true for an ankle injury I've just recovered from. In both cases, the life I was used to changed without me having any chance of control which is extremely scary for me. 

 

I don't have any kids yet. Somehow I wish to have some some day. At the same time, I imagine that being pregnant and bringing kids into this world only results in less control and I don't know if I could handle this sensibly, let alone be a good mother with my ED and anxiety background. (To clarify, my previous statement refers to myself only. From what I've read most users here are wonderful parents!). I wouldn't know how to teach my kids sensible and healthy eating patterns, openness for different food groups, experiencing joy while eating, eating until satiety, not being tormented by body dysmorphia, self doubt, anxiety... because I wouldn't even be able to bring myself to do all that.

 

Somehow I don't think my ED will ever leave which is weirdly enough ok for me as I like this weird feeling of control that sticking to my random rules around food creates. At the same time, I'm fully aware of the health risks e.g. osteoporosis that come with it. The latter scares me somehow as exercise is another coping mechanism for me and being unable to engage in any due to injuries is an awful prospect for me.