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Submissive/Feminine males and ED


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#1 AllAboutBj

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Posted 21 August 2020 - 02:14 PM

Hello,

 

I don't really know how to formulate this so I'll try anyway ...

 

I talked in the past to guys who are more feminine/submissive/delicate/into role reversal etc. (I know it's linked to BDSM and can have a negative connotation but hopefully I can use the word submissive) and quite a couple of them had an ED so I was wondering if anyone here is in this situation and if you'd say that your ED is triggered (or was initiated) by this?



#2 MrAnathletic

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Posted 22 August 2020 - 04:06 AM

Hello,

 

I don't really know how to formulate this so I'll try anyway ...

 

I talked in the past to guys who are more feminine/submissive/delicate/into role reversal etc. (I know it's linked to BDSM and can have a negative connotation but hopefully I can use the word submissive) and quite a couple of them had an ED so I was wondering if anyone here is in this situation and if you'd say that your ED is triggered (or was initiated) by this?

feminine and submissive think that´s not the same.... as a male you can be both or only feminine or submissive. About feminine i can´t tell about myself, bc i dont tend to be feminine. But submissive ideas for sure trigger the ED. The idea to be as a male so thin and lightweight like a feather, no muscles and weak is like a kink ans makes willing to get there....that´s submissive in highest degree....But at the same time it can be the contrary, showing strength, willpower and self control in not eating.... To resist, if others want to make you eat and tell you how thin you are..... Maybe also a mixture of both...strength and also submissive...


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#3 Katurian

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Posted 22 August 2020 - 09:27 AM

Oh god am I actually gonna put this on the internet? Wow. Okay.

 

When I'm single, my disorder is all over the place, really chaotic. When I'm in a relationship, it's almost effortless to restrict and I rarely binge.

 

I'm already short and androgynous, so if anyone is attracted to me, it's usually because they have a thing for small, delicate guys. If I make myself super thin on top of that, it helps exaggerate the traits they like.

 

In my mind, it's about showing someone how devoted I am by holding myself to an extremely strict standard of appearance. It gives me a sense of purpose. I feel the need to make myself into something valuable for them, verging on wanting to be objectified.

 

Tbh, I sometimes can't tell what's kink and what's the disorder.


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#4 oujisama

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Posted 22 August 2020 - 11:13 PM

Oh god am I actually gonna put this on the internet? Wow. Okay.

 

When I'm single, my disorder is all over the place, really chaotic. When I'm in a relationship, it's almost effortless to restrict and I rarely binge.

 

I'm already short and androgynous, so if anyone is attracted to me, it's usually because they have a thing for small, delicate guys. If I make myself super thin on top of that, it helps exaggerate the traits they like.

 

In my mind, it's about showing someone how devoted I am by holding myself to an extremely strict standard of appearance. It gives me a sense of purpose. I feel the need to make myself into something valuable for them, verging on wanting to be objectified.

 

Tbh, I sometimes can't tell what's kink and what's the disorder.

Wow all of this is me, right down to the practical objectification part. What the actual fuck lol.

I'll add that I also restrict no problem when I have a crush on someone, so not even an actual relationship in that case. And I always have the same goal appearance regardless of my relationship status but for some reason it's easy to restrict when I'm really into someone, so I guess it's just that my brain maxes out my willpower + prioritizes my appearance above all else. It's just me going all-out to seek validation through the form of my appearance and body by ensuring I'm checking off all the boxes for my ideal small, fragile appearance that I think or hope they'd be into.

Also personally, being smaller than a partner in any romantic or sexual relationship plays into it as well. Add a dash of perfectionism and imposter's syndrome and that just means, again, I have to be the skinniest I can possibly be. Not to mention there's also just general sex stuff that is wayyy better when I'm underweight but that isn't exactly related to my 'role' except feeling like I've earned sex when I fast at least a day beforehand.. not to call myself out.

Definitely me being a femboy (I don't even mean in a kink way lol, I just am a super feminine dude regardless) is a huge part of my of my body goals. If I weren't so feminine, I'd probably want to build muscle and shit (beyond doing so just for lower bf% and higher BMR to lose weight faster).


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#5 WanderingLove

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Posted 23 August 2020 - 01:05 PM

I'm currently going through my second identity crisis, but for now I'm thinking I'm just a feminine guy. Like above user said, a femboy without the sexual connotations. Sometimes dysphoria be kicking my ass and I just want to escape anything that makes me feel womanly, but in better times I wish I could be a man with the freedom to express my feminine side.

I guess my goal is to be a skinny guy with no curves. I'm also kinda still clinging to my original aim of getting thin so I can build lean muscle. I also want to be seen as someone soft- the stereotype of being "special" or delicate because you refuse food. Pretty stupid I guess.
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#6 AllAboutBj

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Posted 24 August 2020 - 03:59 AM

feminine and submissive think that´s not the same.... as a male you can be both or only feminine or submissive. 

I don't think mental strenght goes against being a submissive.

Especially if in a relationship with a dominant... Obedience calls for strenght and willpower, imo.

 

But I know. Didn't mean they were the same, they were different options that are all under the idea of submission and vulnerabilty.

Hence the addition of "role reversal etc." ... just my way to include as many profiles as possible. The way I wrote that was probably confusing. My bad!



#7 AllAboutBj

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Posted 24 August 2020 - 04:05 AM

x



#8 PhoenicianPrincess

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Posted 24 August 2020 - 07:40 PM

Yeah, I'm pretty soft and submissive naturally. I love being underweight because I feel delicate and cute that way. I'm not into BDSM or have gender dysphoria or anything, but I'm not masculine and I don't want to be. I always trim my body hair, and want to have my facial hair laser-removed in the future, as I hate the look of facial hair -- even on other guys.

 

I like being male though, because we tend to be taller, have less body fat, and have slimmer hips/lack of curves on average compared to females. I don't mean that to be taken as to be insulting to women though.


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#9 AllAboutBj

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Posted 25 August 2020 - 10:27 AM



#10 crow-nova

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Posted 25 August 2020 - 08:04 PM

I've been both the dominant and the submissive in different relationships (that had BDSM as an important thing in our sex lives) and when I was the submissive, I definitely found restricting to be much easier and more desirable. I wanted to be small and slight, able to be thrown around and such. I'm the dominant one with my current boyfriend, and definitely feel the pressure to put on muscle and be just larger and more formidable in general, even though he isn't necessarily attracted to that aesthetic. It's more of an internal pressure of like "this is what the more dominant person should look/feel like". or whatever. So I agree with you on the submissive thing for sure. I even was tempted to use kink to help me restrict as a submissive - asking my dom to impose restrictions around eating, etc. They knew I had issues with eating and never did that with me because they didn't want to trigger me.


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#11 spideyman

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Posted 08 September 2020 - 05:23 PM

Oh god am I actually gonna put this on the internet? Wow. Okay.

 

When I'm single, my disorder is all over the place, really chaotic. When I'm in a relationship, it's almost effortless to restrict and I rarely binge.

 

I'm already short and androgynous, so if anyone is attracted to me, it's usually because they have a thing for small, delicate guys. If I make myself super thin on top of that, it helps exaggerate the traits they like.

 

In my mind, it's about showing someone how devoted I am by holding myself to an extremely strict standard of appearance. It gives me a sense of purpose. I feel the need to make myself into something valuable for them, verging on wanting to be objectified.

 

Tbh, I sometimes can't tell what's kink and what's the disorder.

 

Woah, are you me?

 

I can't speak to how I'd actually act in a relationship bc I've never been in one but the whole mindset you describe of upholding a standard and borderline wanting to be objectified makes 100% sense to me without second thought. 

 

I don't necessarily feel like I'm inherently submissive or feminine. I'm not too rigidly masculine or feminine, but I look like I'm 14 and am very short so I feel like in order to be seen as attractive to anyone I *need* to fit the skinny slightly femme twink ideal. Kinda just like I'm at the mercy of my body type/appearance so I'm gonna conform to what I think is most likely to make me attractive, regardless if it fits how I actually feel. 


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