Posted 25 September 2020 - 03:42 PM
I can only speak for myself, but for me it was not just worth it, I don't experience many of the issues you describe at all or as negative.
I'll adress the ones you mentionend one by one. Here it goes: having kids helped me gain control in some ways. Having my kids as one main focus in life made me figure out what other parts of my life are most important and therefore deserving of my time and attention. Being faced with the possibility of loosing myself in motherhood made me figure who I want to be outside of that. Yes, I can not pursue other dreams as freely and flexible, but at least I'm not lost any more and appreciate spending time away from my kids productively.
Negative financial impact is hardly existent where I live as we get money from the government each month to help with cost of necesseties while education and child care is mostly free from one year old to university (no significant private education sector), not to mention paid parental leave and free health care. So it's probably mot exactly enough to cover everything, but moneywise having kids really doesn't make much difference here. I do get that this is not the case everywhere.
My relationship with my partner has also not been impacted negatively, sure, sometimes kids can be inconvenient, but definitly no burden. I guess having kids we have learned to really support each other and to make the best of our time alone if you know what I mean. I have always had body issues obviously, but my relationship with at least some parts of my body has improved since having kids and breastfeeding. Body issues that persist simply haven't gone away, but they are not related to having kids (I didn't get stretch marks or loose skin though, I don't know how well I would have dealt with that).
I guess that covers loss of control, negative financial impact, lack of flexibility, a burden on your relationship to your partner, body issues and less time. Kids not being a guarantee to have a supportive relationship in adult years is true, but the same goes for not having them, so I'm not sure I get what you mean by that.
Am I exhausted? Sometimes (but I also was before at times).
Was I happier before kids? Definitly not!
Some backround info: I was never one of those who always wanted kids and planned for it. It just suddenly came up when planning our wedding and we just said we'd go for it. Pregnant right away with twins (!) I had never really been around kids before and really surprised myself. My mother was not hands on and we have a difficult relationship, but somehow I just figured it all out. I also had a son who turns one next month. Having a support system helps so much, both privately of friends and family and of course financially and structurally from the government.
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LW: 42kg (170cm)
GW1: 50kg, GW2: 47kg, GW3: 44kg, GW4: 41kg