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Are children worth the sacrifices?

children sacrificies worth

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8 replies to this topic

#1 back_to_skinny

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Posted 05 September 2020 - 11:05 PM

Dear MPA mothers and fathers,

 

As the title of my thread says, I've been wondering whether all the sacrifices connected to bringing children into this world are worth it and would like to hear your honest opinions about all that.

 

As I understand children come with a loss of control, a negative financial impact, inflexibility, a burden on your relationship to your partner, body issues, less time, no guarantee to have a supportive relationship in adult years etc. Most of the parents I know  personally are exhausted all the time and seemed happier pre-birth. Some current issues such as climate change, rising costs for living and education, riots etc. don't make it inviting to bear children either.

 

Please don't take my honest questions as criticism as they're clearly not. I've really just been honestly thinking about these questions, also because I used to want to have children pretty badly up until the start of the pandemic. Now I seem to be way more cautious with this wish and would be ok with it if it didn't happen, I guess. I don't know...

 

I'd highly value your honest opinions.


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Affirmation for September ❤ accept the past and focus on the moment ❤ 

Height 168 cm - 5'6 / CW (trying to maintain at the moment): 49,8 kg = 109,8 lbs = BMI 17.6 (23rd August 2020)


Please follow and support me here - taking on a mental challenge at the moment

https://www.myproana...hallenge/page-1


some inspirational pictures and the link to my thinspiration thread

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tenor.gif

 

...resting and waiting to become my old healthy self again...

 

 


#2 Lucyhoneychurch

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Posted 07 September 2020 - 01:11 PM

Yes to everything you said and yet still totally worth it. Taking care of their needs before your own is hard because it’s selfless, but it’s that daily selflessness that makes you mature and grow up into a person that realizes and understands much more of what really matters in life. You don’t have time or energy for the stuff that doesn’t matter as much. Plus kids are hilarious, fun, adorable... you will not love anything in the world as much as your kids and they love you and look up to you and need you, every day. It’s overwhelming and awesome and exhausting and heartwarming and just everything- good and bad. But I’ll take it all over not having any of that.
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#3 MC33

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Posted 07 September 2020 - 01:40 PM

I don't know how old you are but many women I know including myself woke up in their late 30's and it was a punch the gut. Suddenly we wanted children so badly that nothing else mattered. I was one of the lucky ones who was able to have them and it was the most meaningful experience of my life. It's the fiercest love there is and you can't imagine what it's like until you experience it. Everything else pales in comparison. It's actually a spiritual experience to shed some of that me me me.and devote yourself to service with your whole heart. Speaking for myself......


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#4 littlebug91

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Posted 07 September 2020 - 02:58 PM

I honestly feel that it is totally worth it. Yes, it does come with a lot of things attached and at first it did take toll on my relationship with my husband, but I think that is because we were both first time parents and didnt know wtf we were doing. Still woth all the ups and downs and lack of sleep it is so totally worth it and we are actually having our second child at the end of this year.
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#5 back_to_skinny

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Posted 07 September 2020 - 10:07 PM

Lucyhoneychurch

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Thank you for sharing your experience! Because my SO is godfather to a 7-year-old I regularly get a glimpse into how hilarious, adorable kids can be and I totally share your opinion. I'm just scared that I might not be a good mother (I'm daughter to a narcissistic mother myself and an extremely complicated relationship to her. I wouldn't want to treat my kids as my mother treats me or vice versa.) or that the relationship with my kids is non-harmonious. The same is true for my ED. I wouldn't want to pass any distorted eating patterns on to my kids. 

 

MC33

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I'm happy to hear that you were among the lucky ones. I'm in my early thirties and I've already had a similar wish, namely to have kids, the sooner the better) pre-Covid but that has changed now. During the lockdown I was extremely stressed out because of the sudden loss of control/routine and for the first time I was actually glad not to have kids because I wouldn't know how to be strong for them and set an example in such situations.

 

littlebug91

Spoiler

Thank you for sharing your experience and congratulations on your second pregnancy! How old is your oldest one now? What did you do to improve the relationship with your husband or did it simply come naturally once you got more used to your new lives as parents?


Affirmation for September ❤ accept the past and focus on the moment ❤ 

Height 168 cm - 5'6 / CW (trying to maintain at the moment): 49,8 kg = 109,8 lbs = BMI 17.6 (23rd August 2020)


Please follow and support me here - taking on a mental challenge at the moment

https://www.myproana...hallenge/page-1


some inspirational pictures and the link to my thinspiration thread

Spoiler

 

tenor.gif

 

...resting and waiting to become my old healthy self again...

 

 


#6 littlebug91

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Posted 08 September 2020 - 10:10 AM

Thank you we are very excited to have a new member of the family. With my husband and I we did a lot of talking and it took a lot of patience to sort through the angry and neglected feelings we were both experiencing as new parents, but we didnt give up. It also became easier as we figured out how to parent.
Our oldest will be 3 in October and our new little will be here in December. Both boys!
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#7 nedra_rainwolf

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Posted 09 September 2020 - 04:03 PM

Yes, I would not trade anything that has happened to me. My boys are my world and worth the whole world.


  • back_to_skinny likes this

HW: 240 (37.6)

CW: 235 230 (36.0)

GW1:  200 (31.3 bmi)

GW2: 180 (28.2)

GW3: 159 (my Military weight)(24.9)

GW4: 140 (21.9)

GW5: 120 (18.8)

UGW:110+- (17.2)

 

 

 


#8 MisdirectedMorgan

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Posted 11 September 2020 - 12:30 AM

I always said I’d never get married or have kids. I said that for YEARS. Now, those are far and beyond the two best things that have EVER happened to me.
Yes, kids are all those things you said. For sure. But they’re also the purest form of love, and your heart will never be able to imagine what life was like before them! My husband and my son were the reason I got out of bed when I was in my deepest, darkest depression. They needed me- and they were there to hold me up and carry me though. I wouldn’t be here without their love.
I have a terrible, shitty, practically non-existent relationship with my mom. It’s always sucked. She admits to failing me as a parent, and while that’s somewhat validating, it was a lesson of exactly what NOT to do as a parent with my son. He and I have an amazing relationship, and are absolute best friends. I have created such a little circle of love with my little family- I am so lucky and blessed.
I hope that if you choose to have children, you feel all this love and more. I think you will.


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#9 back_to_skinny

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 10:06 PM

MisdirectedMorgan

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Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It's extremely relieving to hear that it's absolutely possible to create a loving family unit even though one might have experienced dysfunctional family relationships as a child. My mother herself has some toxic tendencies but she refuses to go to therapy with me and can't admit to herself that improving our relationship requires external help in one form or another which is difficult for me because truth to be told, I still love my mother even though she's been behaving unmotherly and cruel oftentimes. 

 

Anyway, I'm also glad that your family helped you push through your depression. As someone who has suffered from depression herself this is another fear of mine, namely being unfit to be a parent because of some proneness towards depression so it makes me quite hopeful that suffering from depression doesn't necessarily cause a family to fall apart but the family members to support each other more which is simply beautiful.

 

May I ask how old your son is and how old you are when you actively decided against your life plans of not getting married etc.? Do you plan on having more kids?

 

Have a wonderful day!


Affirmation for September ❤ accept the past and focus on the moment ❤ 

Height 168 cm - 5'6 / CW (trying to maintain at the moment): 49,8 kg = 109,8 lbs = BMI 17.6 (23rd August 2020)


Please follow and support me here - taking on a mental challenge at the moment

https://www.myproana...hallenge/page-1


some inspirational pictures and the link to my thinspiration thread

Spoiler

 

tenor.gif

 

...resting and waiting to become my old healthy self again...

 

 




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