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Are children worth the sacrifices?

children sacrificies worth

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30 replies to this topic

#21 starshapes

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Posted 21 January 2021 - 09:22 AM

my first was unplanned and I was YOUNG literally just moved out on my own and bam lol. I wasn't ready. I barely take care of myself. but I had a really lovely pregnancy experience and once my daughter was born I realized just how long I had been depressed for. I remember after having her I would recount the day and be absolutely amazed at how happy I had been. How much I had actually smiled, laughed, and enjoyed living the world through her eyes. My situation was really shitty but having her changed my life entirely. It's absolutely worth it, there's nothing that matters more to me than my kids. They are so funny and we have a lot of fun together.



#22 ultrafit

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Posted 23 January 2021 - 05:51 PM

It certainly is challenging to be a parent. Even as teenagers, they'll still eat up your time and thoughts. Parenting is not something to go into lightly. One has to be really prepared for how exhausting it will be. I tell my kids that I will never, ever pressure them to have children of their own. I love them and want them to pursue their dreams and to be selfish with their downtime.



#23 Bip

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Posted 23 January 2021 - 05:53 PM

I recommend adoption/fostering a child instead since there are “excess” children in the world already. I understand if you want biological children but I can’t think of a good reason
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#24 MisdirectedMorgan

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Posted 28 January 2021 - 02:46 AM

MisdirectedMorgan

Spoiler


May I ask how old your son is and how old you are when you actively decided against your life plans of not getting married etc.? Do you plan on having more kids?


I apologize for not responding to you sooner!
Honestly, my son was unplanned. At the time, my husband and I had been dating for nearly 3 years when I got pregnant (2021 will be 11 years together, married for 7). I was 30 when I had my son, almost 31. He will be 8 years old in the beginning of March.
No, no more human children for me- only canine children My son is wonderful and he’s my everything. I was the oldest of 4 kids- I knew RIGHT AWAY that I wanted to keep my only child as an only child.
As I type this, I think the thing that I want to say most is *listen to your heart*. Cheesy, perhaps. But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t missed out on the best parts of my life. What is your gut telling you? Listen.

Wishing you LOTS of love as you navigate through this


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#25 Loualf2020x

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Posted 28 January 2021 - 03:24 AM

Yes yes yes! They are so much hard work, some days you will think you can’t do it but it is the most amazing thing i have ever done.
When my little boy was probably about 3 weeks old i thought what have i done, it was so hard i thought I’ve made a mistake, but when he started to smile at me all that went away and you realise why you’ve done it. If anybody tells you being a parent is easy they’re lying because it is HARD!! But so worth it I’d give anything up for my little boy.

But it is very easy to lose yourself and just become mum. That’s what I’m struggling with now is that i lost my identity when i had my baby and I’m trying to find who i am now as well as being mum. You give everything for them but you also need look out for you too!

In terms of your body and weight etc, people will say don’t worry about it you’ve had a baby... but you’re still YOU, you still have to wake up in that body, you shouldn’t be expected to drop everything you worry/care/think about because you have a child!

Hope that makes sense

#26 Neglected_omega

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Posted 10 February 2021 - 09:45 AM

I have 2. I love them dearly. I love seeing them experiencing the world, expressing themselves and everything else. But, I don’t think the process was worth it. The toll it put on my body and mental health had me hospitalized both times. If I weren’t married, or financially stable, I wouldn’t have bothered.


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#27 Lady Kasmira

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Posted 18 February 2021 - 08:41 PM

Parenting in general is hard... So fucken hard! Almost 5months in and some days I just want to give up, but all it takes is that one moment to make it worth it.


Height: 4'10.6"



Start Weight: 63kg



Current Weight: 65.6kg



Low Weight: 55kg





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#28 heifer

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Posted 23 March 2021 - 10:56 AM

I'm 35 and mum to a 7-year-old boy.  His dad and I broke up when he was 1, because basically my mental health completely imploded when he was born.  I've since been diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, GAD, alcoholism, all sorts of things that were always simmering under the surface ... but I'd been completely "normal" and "functioning" on the outside all of that time.  Did great in school, career, all the rest.  (Was just drinking alcoholically and self-harming since I was a kid to deal with feelings related to childhood sexual abuse, but ssssshhhhh, lets just brush all that under the carpet.)

 

So anyways I was no longer functional after he was born.  AT ALL.  (In fact I probably had undiagnosed post-partum psychosis, but I was drinking to deal with that too, lovely combination.)  I finally ended up in a psychiatric hospital when he was one, but didn't get well straight away, in fact I was in and out of hospitals and treatment centres for years.  I didn't give up though.  I've been doing well, sober and relatively stable since end of 2017.

 

All this time my son was living with his dad.  And he still is, but these days I get lots of access with him.  While his dad is still his primary carer, it's as close to a 50/50 co-parenting relationship as you could get, really.

 

People have asked do I resent my son, or do I regret having him, because of what it did to my mental health.  I don't see it that way at all.  Him being born just exposed all the darkness that was lying under the surface all along.  It would've had to come out sometime.

 

As for my relationship with his dad, if that was strong enough it wouldn't have been ended by my mental illness.  I've no regrets about that ending, I'm better off single.  Don't know if I'll ever have a relationship again, I don't miss it!

 

I won't have any more kids.  It wouldn't be fair on my son to risk everything going crazy for me again.  But I'll never regret becoming a mum.

 

TBH I'm lucky the way things are, that he's only with me part-time.  I think I'd really struggle being a full-time single mum, I have friends in that position and it seem really hard.


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#29 my sin

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Posted 20 April 2021 - 08:09 AM

I am now a full time single mum and its so hard. I love him so much but my life would be 10x easier without him. I have no 'me' time whatsoever. i guess I do regret having him but I don't know what I'd do without him now if that makes sense.


Gw1- 145--65kg

Gw2-140--63kg

Gw3-135--61kg

Gw4-130--59kg

Gw5-125--57kg (clothes shopping)

goal- 120--54kg (Big trip)

UGW - 105--47.6kg my 2013 LW

 

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CW- 58.6 kg/129.8lb

BMI 18.9

 


#30 Ababy

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Posted 09 June 2021 - 03:39 AM

Yes to everything you said and yet still totally worth it. Taking care of their needs before your own is hard because it’s selfless, but it’s that daily selflessness that makes you mature and grow up into a person that realizes and understands much more of what really matters in life. You don’t have time or energy for the stuff that doesn’t matter as much. Plus kids are hilarious, fun, adorable... you will not love anything in the world as much as your kids and they love you and look up to you and need you, every day. It’s overwhelming and awesome and exhausting and heartwarming and just everything- good and bad. But I’ll take it all over not having any of that.

Yes to this, and I'm only sorry I'll only be able to have one of them I always pictured myself having more. My one and only is hilarious, smart, engaging, beautiful, adorable and my most important addition to this world.

But yes, having any amount of children is exhausting - and for myself I personally work part time and have anorexia and two other chronic illnesses too. Kids take up nearly all your time when you account for actually being there for ALL their needs, you forget how many there are, then as they grow you have responsibilities towards the school, increased costs of living, tantrums and growing pains. But they are worth more than anything.


LW: 26kg Lowest BMI: 9.8   HW: 44kg Highest BMI 16.6 

Current BMI, 11


#31 lottiewishes

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Posted 26 June 2021 - 04:19 PM

YES yes yes a zillion x over. My son is the reason I am still here.

Since he's was born I have been in a mother a baby unit I've that was the first of 10-12 psychiatric admission lasting up to 6 months. BUT EVERY single time he's the reason I've forought so hard to get out. My mh cist me my marriage.

I unfortunately can only have him limted time over night with my bf because I suffer from.osychosis. but I collect him from school 4 days a week and have him every sun.

Having a baby changed my life. Financially because he dosent live with me I get no help BUT my 40th birthday money I spent on Dino Park passes for days out all summer. I spent my 40th birthday at legoland with him and my bf. He makes me smile. He's a child carer ( because of my needs) THAT I feel so guilty for. He goes to a group support. I am lucky I have family and a good support system so times I am struggling I will ALWAYS tell someone-because HIS needs come before mine. Forever. Till the day I die.

I am not proud of anything in my life. BUT him. He is the kindest most loving 9 year old he's lego and dinosaur crazy.

I gave him life. He gave me a reason to life mine. I have ME/CFS the 2 days I don't have him. I rest completely so like tomorrow we can go to the toy shop and the paddle in the river.

I would NEVER have another baby ( being taken 4 hours away from my family to a mother and baby unit destroyed me) I would be to risk of PND and psychosis. I've had the coil fitted ( I know accidents gappen) if I am 1 day late I test. Because of my mental health and physical health He will be my only one. Because I believe that's the responsible thing to do for him and me. If I had to go through it all again to have him. I would in a heartbeat.

He makes every day worth fighting for. Because of the pnd my bond with him until he was 3 ish wasn't what it should be. Now it's unbreakable. Whatever life throws at me. I am glad to have him.

Being a mummy made my life.

Just to add I was NEVER going to get married or have a baby unit I hit 28 ish and met my ex husband ( my son dad) got married at 30 had my son 9 months later.

Whatever anyone decides is right for themselves. I know friends at 50 with no children, I know friends at 50 with grandchildren.

Xxxx

HW 350 BMI 55.6


CW 333lbsbs BMI 52.4


LW 129 BMI 20.2

GW 99 BMI 15.7



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