Posted 16 September 2020 - 01:19 PM
Mentally I was constantly flipping between "I feel amazing, I barely eat but still function, mwuahaha, who needs food?!" and straight up, hard hitting depression.
Physically, I don't really remember. I was so stuck in my own head, and couldn't focus. I had issues speaking, I slept a lot, I was tired a lot. I got through my work days solely on caffeine. My strength wasn't as good, enough for work, but actually weight lifting was exhausting. I had no appetite because of my emotional state. I was losing my filter a bit, a manager asked what I hoped for for Christmas and I said "I hope to make it to 20/20" but laughed it off as me having a shit sense of humor (which is a known fact among my coworkers, but I honestly STILL worry about having said that, oof).
Basically I was just really determined to still prove myself at my job, I don't like being a poor worker, so I made myself get through it. Outside work I was pretty shitty, I was super cranky, just wanted to go home and right to sleep, my SO put up with A LOT of my moody bullshit, and it was awful of me.
I was also restricting like shit, which made everything worse. Like I said, I just didn't want to eat. I was getting a few hundred cals a day the majority of the time, and made no attempt at getting in as many nutrients as possible in that food either.
HateMyselfDaily, Vvsux and Faultea like this
HW: 178 LW: 112