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anyone else scare that they will die because of their ED?


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#1 tristogsyk

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 06:17 AM

its my biggest fear when im not already suicidal. ive been on antidepressants for a while now and ive become extremely anxious abt dying from my ED. i know that it's a rare occurrence, i've looked at all the stats and i know that it isn't extremely common. i know most people with an ED eventually get better in some way, even if its just not engaging in behaviours 24/7 . but i have this obsessive compulsive loop in my head that im going to die. im terrified of it and yet i can't stop engaging in ED behaviours. the worst part is im just starting to lose weight again from my highest and im feeling better about my body again - well not better but i don't feel like violently killing myself every-time i look into the mirror anymore, so it's a start. idk is it just me? im so scared not only of dying from heart failure or something, but im even more worried that one day i actually might kill myself. looking into stats again that is the majority of ED related deaths. and well, who can really say how many of those suicides don't carry into the heart failure or organ failure realm. since i know some ED sufferers choose starvation as their form of suicide. i feel like if i can't get better from where i am then i'll have no choice but to kill myself. truth be told im scared of my brain and of myself. dying of physical complications of an ED and mental ones seem both as uncontrolled as each other. does anyone else feel this way? i just don't want to die as a slave to my ED. i want my death to idk be controlled in some way? peaceful maybe. suicide and health complications are a violent and miserable way to die. and i can't stand the idea of that. 


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#2 dollylolly

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 06:21 AM

Yes. I have ocd so i've developed rituals that i HAVE to make or i will die. I'm sometimes scared to go to sleep etc. I know how it feels, you are not alone.
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#3 tristogsyk

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 06:26 AM

Yes. I have ocd so i've developed rituals that i HAVE to make or i will die. I'm sometimes scared to go to sleep etc. I know how it feels, you are not alone.

i have ocd too!!! i have this need to take certain vitamins and eat a certain amount of calories in order to convince myself i'll stay alive. but even my rituals seem to be failing me lately. 


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#4 QueenEdna

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 06:32 AM

Sometimes when I’m swimming and I see a crow I think maybe I’ve finally drowned
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#5 lemonandwater

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 06:36 AM

im not because my mental health is awful and the people in the world are. i dont think i will because theyd section me before i could


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#6 Seitan

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 06:40 AM

I get this often. I hate it most when it leads to binge. I mean I sometimes freak out so badly and get so bad panic attack and force myself to eat usually too much of something then snapping out of it when my meds to panic attacks have kicked in but starting to freak out totally about what shit I ate and also how unhealthy it is for me to do suddently and so on.
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#7 tristogsyk

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 06:42 AM

I get this often. I hate it most when it leads to binge. I mean I sometimes freak out so badly and get so bad panic attack and force myself to eat usually too much of something then snapping out of it when my meds to panic attacks have kicked in but starting to freak out totally about what shit I ate and also how unhealthy it is for me to do suddently and so on.

yes!! i've experienced this too!! i hate it when that anxiety leads to more food consumption. but its all useless because i end up feeling awful either way. just even worse when i eat more 


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#8 Seitan

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 06:49 AM

yes!! i've experienced this too!! i hate it when that anxiety leads to more food consumption. but its all useless because i end up feeling awful either way. just even worse when i eat more

Yes. It is terrible, but when that situation is it in it worst atleast I can't think/remember that part. I just hope I won't get those often again. What probably calmed me most was eating healthy foods, high restriction, if I do low restriction I usually get more anxiety.
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#9 meee

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 07:00 AM

Im actually feel peaceful when thinking about being dead... I can barely control my suicidal thoughts atm and actually hope my ed will kill me before i do this by myself... Like i feel my husband and family will accept it better if an ed kills me instead of i commit suicide...ive been fighting this loosing battle for 14years and i cant do it anymore... I have a new therapist and i really feel she can help me, but im just so tired of fighting this...
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They yell at me because I can't see what they see. Nobody can explain to me why my eyes work different than theirs. Nobody can make it stop.

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#10 tristogsyk

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 08:45 AM

Yes. It is terrible, but when that situation is it in it worst atleast I can't think/remember that part. I just hope I won't get those often again. What probably calmed me most was eating healthy foods, high restriction, if I do low restriction I usually get more anxiety.

yes!! thats what i do as well!! i find high restriction with healthy foods makes me feel work through my ocd loops!! 


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#11 The Flower of Carnage

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 09:01 AM

yes. I am worried I will eventually give out.


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#12 dreamingof30kg

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 09:02 AM

to be completely honest,, i am not afraid to die from my eating disorder.. i have kind of accepted my fate and that i will never get better..


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#13 Emptyspirits

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Posted 15 September 2020 - 09:09 AM

I think i’d die more from depression then anorexia. Everytime my health is bad I go to the hospital (usually for fluids and electrolytes) I am very smart in making choices when it comes to my health and make sure everything gets replenished. I think i’d more die from a suicide attempt but it’s different for everyone. I know though when I did previously abuse laxatives I thought I was gunna die a few times (shaking, sweating) Once I passed out and hit my head on the toilet I decided to stop the abuse, I have been off of laxatives steadly for about 9 months now :-) I hope you are all taking care of yourselves


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#14 tristogsyk

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Posted 16 September 2020 - 12:41 AM

I think i’d die more from depression then anorexia. Everytime my health is bad I go to the hospital (usually for fluids and electrolytes) I am very smart in making choices when it comes to my health and make sure everything gets replenished. I think i’d more die from a suicide attempt but it’s different for everyone. I know though when I did previously abuse laxatives I thought I was gunna die a few times (shaking, sweating) Once I passed out and hit my head on the toilet I decided to stop the abuse, I have been off of laxatives steadly for about 9 months now :-) I hope you are all taking care of yourselves


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i feel this way sometimes too but for me the depression and AN are intertwined. so id probably kill myself out of hatred for my body. its a scary thought but yea


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#15 Emptyspirits

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Posted 16 September 2020 - 09:47 AM

i feel this way sometimes too but for me the depression and AN are intertwined. so id probably kill myself out of hatred for my body. its a scary thought but yea


Well I am glad you’re still here! Stay strong I know it’s hard but if you ever need to talk I am here :-) Have a good day and take care x


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#16 johnny joestar

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Posted 16 September 2020 - 11:07 PM

yeah i think it will be what kills me, not to be depressing but i've made peace with the fact that this is something i can't get help for. nothing works. i've done so, so much damage already too


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#17 cosmosfreeze

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Posted 17 September 2020 - 12:02 AM

i think it's painless to die of sudden cardiac arrest - if it feels bad i can tell myself i'll be opened to check that my arteries aren't clogged, and the surgeons and nurses will have to see it before lying i died of violence because they'll probably be greedy and sell my body to the highest bidder who'll then defame it outdoors

because people are that way, in general. otherwise it's a death of extreme physical violence, don't think i'll live old and get real illnesses
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#18 dulcelocura

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Posted 17 September 2020 - 12:44 AM

Yes, although sometimes I get in a weird mental place where I’m almost at peace about it. I don’t want to die but i also feel like I can’t change things anyway.

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