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Sam’s pregnancy accountability

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#1 Samantha1994


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Posted 23 September 2020 - 04:56 PM

Okay, so I’m 15 weeks (16 on Saturday) pregnant and up until I was about 12 weeks I was eating intuitively which was a lot. Mostly because I had a miscarriage 1-2 months before I found out I was pregnant again and I was scared that my body just might not be ready fo carry a baby yet given my eating disorder history.
Once I reached about 12 weeks I guess I started to feel some relief that the chances of miscarriage from then were pretty slim and I weighed myself realising that I’d gained far more weight than what’s necessary for someone whose only just started their second trimester and I got it in my head that if i restricted a little then I could slow down the weight gain and allow hopefully in afew weeks I’ll have ‘caught up’ and be at the suggested amount of weight gain for someone whose as far along as I am.

Long story short, I slowly let my self relapse into purging which very shortly after became binging and purging (I’m so ashamed and feel so guilty to admit this) and on days that I haven’t purged I’ve eaten 2000 calories which I know is the recommendation for the average women to maintain her weight (but obviously not a pregnant women and to be honest I think that recommendation isn’t right for most people, myself included).

Basically, I’m feeling like a shit person right now and this baby means so much to me and I don’t want to take any more risks during this pregnancy that could result in causing the baby harm and my family, partner and 8 year old son are so happy that I’m having another child and that they think I’m fully recovered and I don’t want to ruin everything for all of them.

I’ve had anorexia for nearly 7 years and at my lowest weight I was 37-38kg (bmi 14.8) 1.5-2 years ago before I decided to recover. It was a bumpy road but eventually I weight restored and overshot what I believe was my set point which made me relapse but this time I began binging and purging which is something I’d never done previously. It quickly got out of control and even though I was eating tonnes of food I was losing weight again. I got back down to a bmi of about 19 before my boyfriend and family tried to intervene which had no effect on me until we decided we wanted to have a baby and I decided I had to be healthy and gain the weight back. Id gained until about bmi 23-24 when I found I was pregnant this time and since then I’ve only continued to gain.

I’ve decided to make this ‘accountability’ so that I can be held accountable for my current eating habits. It’s probably strange to post here considering it’s going to be nothing like my previous mpa accountabilities but I really need a place to vent/use as a diary at the moment because I have so much going on at the moment.

Sorry if this is super long and doesn’t make a lot of sense. I’m pretty much just going to post about my day and my food intake and hopefully having an outlet will make it easier for me to eat what me and my baby need and allow me to feel less stressed and alone.

Does anyone else have anything similar to this on here?

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  • CharlieBear789 and back_to_skinny like this
Female | 23 years old
Height: 161cm
Highest weight: 71kg / 156.5lbs
Current weight: 38.8kg / 86lbs
Bmi: 15


#2 Thinjen



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Posted 05 October 2020 - 04:50 PM

Hey Sam, How's it going?

Im 19 weeks pregnant. Ive struggled with anorexia for almost 10 years. My story is really similar to yours. I started my pregnancy at a bmi of 19. It was a struggle to get there but my husband and I agreed that I needed to maintain a healthy weight before trying to conceive. I know I'm growing a baby but all i feel is fat. I am super nervous because ill be the heaviest I've ever been. I am hoping it doesn't lead to a relapse. My clothes are starting to not fit and it makes me really sad.

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