It seems completely irrational to me but a tiny bit of me still wants it? Like I absolutely know that it would be horrible and I would want to be able to go home as soon as possible but yeah.
I got told in my appointment that if I collapsed I'd end up in hospital (I'm at way too high a weight for that to happen though?) and I was scared but also happy, it's fucked up.
I guess part of it is that if I actually was bad enough to end up in hospital I'd probably have reached my goal weight. Anyway, sorry for the rant.