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I Feel Safer When My Kitchen is Full

anorexia ednos food full kitchen fasting anxiety

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#1 Kaybug150

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 12:04 AM

Maybe this is abnormal for an anorexic, but I feel so much safer having a full kitchen than I do when my kitchen is empty. I've been low on food and drinks this week, and my father came over tonight, bringing me groceries. Now my fridge, freezer and standing cabinet are full again. I'm thinking about starting a fast tomorrow, and I know some people would think it would be easier without having food in the house, but I get panicked when I'm running out of food and drinks, which, for some reason, just makes me want to eat more.

 

If my fast goes the way I want it to, knowing that I'll wake up in the morning with food in the house, but I can actively choose not to eat it, will make me feel much safer and calmer, somehow. I don't know if that makes sense.   :mellow:


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I have before - I will again.

 

The scale doesn't lie - people do

 

HW: 123

LW: 99

CW: 116

GW1: 105

GW2: 99

UGW: 95 / 88

 

​There's a room inside your gut

​Close the door and keep it shut

​Let no daylight enter in

And the punishment begin

 

Emptiness is pure. Starvation is the cure.


#2 Crazylikebananas

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 12:16 AM

i’m the exact opposite. i refuse to have any snacks in my pantry because i know i will always end up binging so it’s better just not to have any food to binge on

#3 Kaybug150

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 12:29 AM

i’m the exact opposite. i refuse to have any snacks in my pantry because i know i will always end up binging so it’s better just not to have any food to binge on


This is the response I expected from most people.

I have before - I will again.

 

The scale doesn't lie - people do

 

HW: 123

LW: 99

CW: 116

GW1: 105

GW2: 99

UGW: 95 / 88

 

​There's a room inside your gut

​Close the door and keep it shut

​Let no daylight enter in

And the punishment begin

 

Emptiness is pure. Starvation is the cure.


#4 Lightningbolt

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 12:44 AM

I get this! Dw about it, I’m the same way:) I think for me it stems from being financially secure since when I was little sometimes we had to put food back because we couldn’t afford it, we went bankrupt once etc. It just scared me, so I love seeing the fridge/pantry and cabinet completely full off food! I love it and it makes me happy! :) 🥰
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Height: 5’2 Female CW: 85.6lbs HW: 104lbs LW: 85.6lbs GW: 85lbs GW: 83lbs/82??/80???

#5 smile2244

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 02:27 AM

I have a 'stockpile' (that's what I call it lol) of food.  When my husband finishes something and says we need such and such, i'm always like, no we have some in the stockpile.

 

I hoard food bigtime.  I try to just hoard nonperishables, but I also cook and bake in bulk, then freeze the extra.  I had to buy another freezer for all of that...  I have issues..  


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#6 taliaaaa

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 03:07 AM

ya i feel like its an accomplishment; 'theres so much food but i havent eaten any of it!'


‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ talia ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙

 

162cm // 5'3

 

sw: 63kg 24.0 bmi (july 16, 2020)

cw: 56.8 kg 21.64 bmi

gw 1: 58 kg 22.10 bmi (september 20, 2020)

gw 2: 55 kg 20.95 bmi

gw 3: 53 kg 20.19 bmi

gw 4: 50 kg 19.05 bmi

gw 4: 48 kg 18.28 bmi

gw 5: 46 kg 17.52 bmi

gw 6: 44 kg 16.76 bmi

ugw: 42 kg 16.00 bmi

 

 

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#7 Malicious

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 03:46 AM

Maybe this is abnormal for an anorexic, but I feel so much safer having a full kitchen than I do when my kitchen is empty. I've been low on food and drinks this week, and my father came over tonight, bringing me groceries. Now my fridge, freezer and standing cabinet are full again. I'm thinking about starting a fast tomorrow, and I know some people would think it would be easier without having food in the house, but I get panicked when I'm running out of food and drinks, which, for some reason, just makes me want to eat more.

 

If my fast goes the way I want it to, knowing that I'll wake up in the morning with food in the house, but I can actively choose not to eat it, will make me feel much safer and calmer, somehow. I don't know if that makes sense.   :mellow:

 

 

I feel u. I am the same. My kitchen is always full of food and it's easier for me to restrict when I have it around. Like the thought that I can have it any moment is making me less hungry lol. The paradox. 


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cbf6291865ed79e0e719227545505368.jpg

 

 

HW: 66kg

CW: ↑↑↑↑
LW: 40kg

GW: 49kg


#8 I'm Vegan btw

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 03:53 AM

I totally get this, I always like to hoard food in my cupboards.

Idk why its just safe, like if I had a binge food but it was in the cupboard, I'm much less likely to binge on it than if it was just out on the top or still in my bag

And having food in makes me less likely to compulsively buy foods when The Hunger hits

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#9 Ro Laren

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 08:56 AM

I now have three small children and a hungry husband. My house is FULL of food. I feel stronger when I resist than in the past when I was single and lived alone and could choose to have nothing in the house.
 
 

 
 
 
 

#10 Waterislife

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 09:00 AM

I love having a full kitchen. I love love love feeding my family. And I love to cook.
I wish I could eat it all 😭
Height: 5'10
SW: 130
New Current weight: 128.6
LW: 115 (too long ago to count though)
HW: 190 (pregnant)
GW: 120
UGW: 115
UGW2:110 (I wish)

#11 susanrose

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 11:01 AM

I hoard food like a crazy person early in relapse, it is actually one of my warning signs. I just love buying things and organizing them and cooking for people.


At some point however I start pushing people away and only feel clean when the kitchen is empty. Even then I will keep empty food containers cleaned out and on the shelves and in the fridge. I have never met anyone else who does this so if you are out there, and like me...hi! Lol

This has been going on for over 20 years now.

#12 BrilletA

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 11:27 AM

I hoard food every time I relapse. I totally get what you're saying! I feel so much calmer when I know that the food is there. I always have a box of chocolate/candies/cookies in my room. And every time I eat something from there I need to replace it as soon as I can or I will experience extreme anxiety

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LW: 90 lbs
CW: 99.8 lbs

Goals:
[ ]GW1: 97 lbs
[ ]GW2: 92 lbs
[UGW]: lower, lower, lower.


#13 *ella

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 11:31 AM

I totally feel this. I used to be terrified to have food in but I actually ended up binging way more then. Now I'm back living with my family, always having food in means I don't have to constantly be thinking about what I'll eat next. They have a lot of my old binge foods in but I just don't want to eat them. I guess my binging was more psychological than I realised. 


Spoiler

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#14 horror_girl

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 12:15 PM

I've been through years of extreme food poverty, here I literally had nothing to eat for weeks at a time. Now I hoard food like a dragon (only stuff with a long shelf life). The looming Brexit fiasco really upped my anxiety to do with food resources, so I'm buying much more than I need, just so I have about 6 months worth for myself by the time we hit December. The fact that I have food allergies makes my anxiety worse, because I can't just 'buy something else' if I can't get the food I can tolerate. It's a shame that I live in a tiny flat.

If I have snacks or dark chocolate in the house I tend to binge in a minor way, so I don't do it now. I might buy some dark chocolate later in the year and stash it somewhere that's really difficult to get to, so that way I'll probably forget that its there until I clean all the cupboards out in the New Year. Chocolate is a good survival ration in an emergency.


Currently 61.8kg
Follow my accountability here: https://www.myproana...e-take-control/

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#15 coffeemess

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Posted 18 October 2020 - 12:40 PM

I feel u. I am the same. My kitchen is always full of food and it's easier for me to restrict when I have it around. Like the thought that I can have it any moment is making me less hungry lol. The paradox. 

YES someone finally was able to explain why I'm like that.


cbmi: 17.3




Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: anorexia, ednos, food, full kitchen, fasting, anxiety

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