Maybe this is abnormal for an anorexic, but I feel so much safer having a full kitchen than I do when my kitchen is empty. I've been low on food and drinks this week, and my father came over tonight, bringing me groceries. Now my fridge, freezer and standing cabinet are full again. I'm thinking about starting a fast tomorrow, and I know some people would think it would be easier without having food in the house, but I get panicked when I'm running out of food and drinks, which, for some reason, just makes me want to eat more.
If my fast goes the way I want it to, knowing that I'll wake up in the morning with food in the house, but I can actively choose not to eat it, will make me feel much safer and calmer, somehow. I don't know if that makes sense.