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This is 30 - Having an ED in Your Thirties MEGATHREAD


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#1 Pills.and.Porcelain

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Posted 31 October 2020 - 01:02 AM

TW/TMI WARNING/LANGUAGE WARNING

I thought we could have a place just for us. The past-our-roaring-20's bunch. The it's-not-so-cute-anymore crew.
The lifers.
The "grown-ups".
The unwatched and unmanaged.
The holy-fucking-shit-balls-40's-right-around-the-corner gang.

Weird things happen in your 30s.
To your life and to your body.
And sometimes reading other forums just aren't relatable.
Sometimes looking at thinspo of a 17yo lacks inspiration.
Sometimes the ONLY people who can understand are in fact other mates in their 30s.

So let's talk about that weird shit.
And lean on eachother a little.
And find some body match buddies, if that's what youre looking for.
Because (truly, I mean insult to absolutely no one, but...) I can almost SMELL 40. And it smells like spoiled eggs and a gas station bathroom.

Welcome, My Pretties ♡♡♡
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"I'm afraid we have a slight...apocalypse."

*​**********************************************

5'7" CW:110.4lbs BMI:17.3

****************************************

HW: 140lbs (21.9)

LW: 105.4 (16.5)

CW: 110.4 (17.3)

GW5: 105lbs (16.4)

UGW: 100lbs (15.7)


*************************************************

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#2 Pills.and.Porcelain

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Posted 31 October 2020 - 01:08 AM

It's getting late so I'll post more tomorrow
But there's a new ED movie that seems like it'll be PERFECT for us! Can't wait for it to be released...(it's streaming right now but only if you live in the UK)

"Body of Water"
Here's the Trailer:


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"I'm afraid we have a slight...apocalypse."

*​**********************************************

5'7" CW:110.4lbs BMI:17.3

****************************************

HW: 140lbs (21.9)

LW: 105.4 (16.5)

CW: 110.4 (17.3)

GW5: 105lbs (16.4)

UGW: 100lbs (15.7)


*************************************************

giphy.gif

#3 gothposer

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Posted 31 October 2020 - 01:31 AM

I am 25 years old, and thinking that I'm close to 30 gives me a lot of anxiety, the media makes fetish with youth and treats old age as if it were a taboo, not to mention that the body changes over time ... I don't know how my head will be after 30, I believe I will go crazy...


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Accountability: link


#4 Kaybug150

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Posted 31 October 2020 - 01:32 AM

I turned thirty in July - hopefully that counts. I half expected to starve to death before my thirtieth birthday, but that obviously didn't happen. I'm currently at the highest weight I have ever been, which is just making all my anxieties so much worse.


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I have before - I will again.

 

The scale doesn't lie - people do

 

HW: 123

LW: 99

CW: 120

GW1: 110

GW2: 105

GW3: 99

GW4: 95

UGW: 88 / 85

 

​There's a room inside your gut

​Close the door and keep it shut

​Let no daylight enter in

And the punishment begin

 

Emptiness is pure. Starvation is the cure.


#5 Pills.and.Porcelain

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Posted 31 October 2020 - 02:05 AM

I turned thirty in July - hopefully that counts. I half expected to starve to death before my thirtieth birthday, but that obviously didn't happen. I'm currently at the highest weight I have ever been, which is just making all my anxieties so much worse.

Yes yes of course it counts!
You get this totally different perspective in your thirties. Some if it is great. But a lot of it is, just like you said, anxiety inducing bc our metabolism slowwwwws like crazy. When I turned 30 I was diagnosed hypothyroid.
So that means im tired, slow, feel lazy and get fat stoooopid easy.

But you really just have to find ways to adapt to your new metabolism. Its not set in stone and nothing is unattainable.
Youll get back on track:)
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#6 VioletSkyy

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Posted 31 October 2020 - 05:49 PM

32 here, restrictive type ed/ disordered eating, C-PTSD, alcoholic in recovery, it's not a cute life but it's sure a weird one. I really thought I would be dead by now, and I guess I would be if I hadn't gotten sober in 2017


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...::Change happens when the pain of change is less than the pain of remaining the same::...

...stats moved to profile...

UGW - who fucking knows?

 

Do it for yourself first.


#7 PixelCat

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Posted 31 October 2020 - 10:24 PM

Hello :)

I turn 39 soon, hoooooly poop!
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#8 dopaminx

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Posted 01 November 2020 - 02:12 AM

34yo on 11/13. The message I received after age 25 from the medical industry and everyone else is that I do not matter. My pain doesn’t matter, my anxiety doesn’t matter, my downward spiral doesn’t matter. I am invisible, a non-issue. Just something uncomfortable that slipped past and “oops we missed her, better luck with the next depressed fuck up.” It’s hard to accept that even people who are payed to care don’t care. I always had a binge problem but was put on a medical diet (keto) as a tween and weighed under 90lbs until I was 13. I gained weight after the diet and then restricted and purged in my late teens but never got below 100 again, and never came close to looking noticeably thin. I lost myself to binging in my mid 20s as depression took full control. For the past 7 years I’ve been trying to get help with mental health and I am sick of being ignored. I will forever chase the feeling of being small, frail, and worried over, even though it’s unattainable now.


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#9 PixelCat

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Posted 01 November 2020 - 11:06 PM

34yo on 11/13. The message I received after age 25 from the medical industry and everyone else is that I do not matter. My pain doesn’t matter, my anxiety doesn’t matter, my downward spiral doesn’t matter. I am invisible, a non-issue. Just something uncomfortable that slipped past and “oops we missed her, better luck with the next depressed fuck up.” It’s hard to accept that even people who are payed to care don’t care. I always had a binge problem but was put on a medical diet (keto) as a tween and weighed under 90lbs until I was 13. I gained weight after the diet and then restricted and purged in my late teens but never got below 100 again, and never came close to looking noticeably thin. I lost myself to binging in my mid 20s as depression took full control. For the past 7 years I’ve been trying to get help with mental health and I am sick of being ignored. I will forever chase the feeling of being small, frail, and worried over, even though it’s unattainable now.
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Please don’t give up on trying to find someone to help you with your struggles with depression. Good therapists are out there, and you deserve kindness and quality care.
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#10 Pills.and.Porcelain

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Posted 02 November 2020 - 02:20 AM

OP here!
I love that people are here! Oh Goddess I hope that you follow. Im here and Im listening ♡♡♡ And Im going to assume, if you posted here, youre here to be supported and Supportive as well? So know that others know the struggle!

Its such a "strange" time in life to have ED. There are things we are ...SUPPOSED to be doing, for lack of a better term. And idk, maybe(probably) were doing some of them. But ED is like this all consuming force that makes us want to or have to focus solely on it a lot of the time.

Im always here, Metaphorically speaking. DM me if you need to talk. Were not typical millennials bc we didnt grow up with cell phones. So if youre like me you dont always have your phone on you, but Ill reply as soon as I see it ♡
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#11 Pills.and.Porcelain

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Posted 02 November 2020 - 02:32 AM

Ive been disordered for as long as I can remember. Well my first memory of odd food behaviour was at 11. Im now 36.
I dont really struggle with other mental illness (except the odd anxiety event) but I have a plethora of physiological health conditions that help me hide my undiagnosed anorexia (I identify with anorexia B/P sub, lax/exercise/restriction only).
Health probs were only chronic migraine until I was about 28. I was always on a specialized diet to avoid my "trigger" foods and everyone bought it bc my weight never dipped too low.
Then during a trip to emergency for a particularly bad one they found a benign tumor in my sinus cavity.
Every doctor piled me up with all sorts of corticosteroids, antibiotics, painkillers...all bc no one in my small city has a fucking clue what theyre doing.
Well it effed up my stomach royally.
But no matter. Because after I first got sick from the tumor, I was hooked. Not on pills...but I FINALLY had an out. I could go 2 weeks eating only sugar free jello and drinking peppermint tea and say I was in a "flare".
And the weight loss was self explanatory. I could even make judgemental twats feel badly if they negatively commented on my weight. Especially since Im such an emotional eater I could go through a binge phase because I was "feeling pretty good" and be congratulated when I put on weight and then Id restrict when I was in a flare and drop quickly and everyone understands.

At 36, it feels a little old to be playing this game. But im still doing it. And now my thyroid is all fucked and my colon is fucked and my kidneys are hanging on for dear life.

And all Im worried about is losing 15 more lbs and saving up for another round of fillers because WHERE DID MY COLLAGEN GO?!
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#12 PixelCat

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Posted 02 November 2020 - 09:42 PM

OP here!
I love that people are here! Oh Goddess I hope that you follow. Im here and Im listening ♡♡♡ And Im going to assume, if you posted here, youre here to be supported and Supportive as well? So know that others know the struggle!
Its such a "strange" time in life to have ED. There are things we are ...SUPPOSED to be doing, for lack of a better term. And idk, maybe(probably) were doing some of them. But ED is like this all consuming force that makes us want to or have to focus solely on it a lot of the time.
Im always here, Metaphorically speaking. DM me if you need to talk. Were not typical millennials bc we didnt grow up with cell phones. So if youre like me you dont always have your phone on you, but Ill reply as soon as I see it ♡


You are so sweet!

Today I’m sick of everything hurting and feeling like I’m 89 not almost 39. Sigh.
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#13 VioletSkyy

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Posted 03 November 2020 - 08:38 PM

If you take away one of my disorders you just release another (usually worse) one. Just one problem on top of another. I realized replying in another thread even my wardrobe has 11 personalities, like who the fuck am I? Which me is me? What chaotic mental health b/s is the core?


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...::Change happens when the pain of change is less than the pain of remaining the same::...

...stats moved to profile...

UGW - who fucking knows?

 

Do it for yourself first.


#14 PrinnyWinnie

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Posted 05 November 2020 - 10:16 AM

I actually developed a full blown ed in my thirties. I’m 34 now and am currently in therapy with an ed specialist. I’ve always had depression/bipolar disorder and ADD. I have a past history of alcohol and drug abuse that I was in 2 rehabs for. I’ve been sober now for 3 years. I feel like I totally missed my twenties, due those issues..now I feel like I’ve fallen into another trap, another roadblock in my life. I’ve always had a bad relationship with food and body image. I guess I just needed the perfect storm to come along to develop an ed. Sorry for the negativity.. Things are tough though and I’m glad this thread exists!
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#15 chocolatewaif

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Posted 05 November 2020 - 11:57 AM

34 - ED proper since about 16 but definitely had disordered eating well before that. Literally hit my low weight this year during the pandemic.

 

With a lot of time to think these days I realize I don't feel like I "missed out" on anything during my 20s. They definitely didn't go as I'd wanted them to but I did a lot. I went to college and had a wild time. I dated. I had sex. I fell in love. I fell out of love. I worked. I traveled.

 

I had a chunk of time where I wasn't actively in, at least the weight loss part of my ED, due to birth control. And I do feel if it wasn't for that I likely would have met my weight goals a lot sooner. But I am, and have been using my 30s to do all the things that I didn't do in my 20s, like reach my gw, instead of lamenting that my life is over just because I'm no longer of an ironically, conventionally acceptable age. I still get carded like a mf anyway so... lol.

 

Like honestly, even just weight wise, 24yo me would sell her soul to be 34yo me, lol. So I'm really trying not to complain too much and roll with the punches. 

 

I also experienced my younger brother senselessly dying at 16 when I was 28 so I really am of the age is a gift promised to few camp. So my goal is, with how many years I have to make the best of them with the body I would have wanted in my 20s and do my best to respect it and enjoy it. 

 

And I've been able to use a lot of the time in my late 20s to early 30s to sort out a lot of the mental and emotional issues that lead to my ED so now I'm really just neurotic and unwilling to let go of the habits that keep me thin, lol.  


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I wanna be special. So fucking special.

 

Height: 5'5"

 

Current: 121.5 | Start: 142 | Goal: 120 Ultimate: 110
 

#16 shyness

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Posted 09 November 2020 - 01:57 AM

.
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#17 fattkitty

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Posted 11 November 2020 - 07:05 AM

Plussize (ugh hate that word) 31 yo
Life long disorder eating, extreme binging and fasting/restricting, losing seems to get harder and harder..
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#18 Degenkat

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Posted 11 November 2020 - 03:40 PM

32 here, restrictive type ed/ disordered eating, C-PTSD, alcoholic in recovery, it's not a cute life but it's sure a weird one. I really thought I would be dead by now, and I guess I would be if I hadn't gotten sober in 2017

I’m in a similar spot, got sober In 2018, the combo of anorexia and alcohol dependence landed me in the icu a few times. Getting sober definitely is why I’m still alive 


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#19 PixelCat

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Posted 11 November 2020 - 06:03 PM

Sending love to all the 30+ fam. We’ve all been through some tough shit.

Let’s keep this thread going :)
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#20 WaterGoddess

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Posted 11 November 2020 - 11:07 PM

Hi! I’m almost 38. I go back and forth from very thin to kinda fat. Currently, I’m kinda fat right. Depression has me eating a lot for comfort (not the best living situation), but I already feel the anxiety kicking in hard, so I’ve been exercising at home. This is a turning point because I’ve always been reliant on the gym. I’m hoping I can get back to my lowest weight. I think it was 117, but concerned strangers would ask how much I weighed and my friends even staged an intervention. Why is thinness worth all this potential drama a second time? Especially because it could ruin my face. Love this place <3


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SW: 170
UGW: 120
Every 5lbs is a goal reached.

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