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things that make you want to live

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#21 reef shark

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Posted 07 December 2020 - 06:07 AM

so many things make me happy with life, but i have found that they are not responsible for my will to live so much as i am for it. and relying on plans for a distant, or even near future, is not fulfilling to me so much as what i do for myself in the present. so the thing that makes me want to live is more a philosophy(?) that i try to keep in my toolbelt to ground myself.

i stopped looking to my past for answers, or look for answers on how to redeem myself now in the future. i also stopped tying seemingly harmless ropes to people, things, and plans ((which isn't bad at all, i would just depend on these things to the point where it was crushing if i lost one "piece")) to feel guided and secure in a desire to live, but when all those things left me i believed i'd been wronged. or in the case that i say i am alive for people, then perhaps my life is not mine in that sense anyways, so how am i choosing, then, my want to live? however, i approach with the assumption that i choose to live all  the same because i am a collection of experiences that i embraced with others... but i notice the difference is the "with" and "for." for myself, i feel that i want to live for the experiences with others, rather than for others-- which was, again, something that seemed like a semantics issue, but was a very difficult and complex conclusion to come to. 


so i figured this to be the conclusion: i'm just here in the present. and that might not make me happy in itself, but i want to live in it. otherwise, why would i attempt to attach myself to things? could i continue, then, to attach myself to my thoughts: embrace passion, attempt reason, create myself as i am presently and not anticipate or minimize myself based on external things that i don't even know the certainty of in terms of existence? and if i can accept this new line of sight, i can accept that i at least want to live in the present, and therefore i want to be alive presently. and if i can accept this nature as something in my foundation, meaning i might have to work to build a piece of self from it, then i can ease myself onto a steadier path when i'm under the influence of something that is causing me to think about ending my life. this makes me want to live i feel like. at least this is how i think of it rn.


and of course, i will not always want to live in the present if i have times where i want to remove myself from life altogether; but what this foundation can do for me is enable me to be more realistic and build a better relationship with the core beliefs of my mind when all dependent thoughts do not exist or exist minimally. this can be self-control, and perhaps-- even though i try not to wreck my future by dwelling on it too much-- this can be a means of a future worth rejoicing because i struggled a little bit in the present which is by  that point in the past. 



i also really liked that i was having those thoughts again and i rested my head on my steering wheel and felt so blessed to be alive. ... multum in parvo





she/her || 18

#22 ѕℓεερу ѕɦiɓε

ѕℓεερу ѕɦiɓε

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Posted 07 December 2020 - 10:59 AM

My doggo.

[ Sent from your mom's phone ]





#23 vittata


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Posted 10 December 2020 - 04:09 AM

My family. The only thing that keeps me going is all of the sacrifices they’ve made for me to be where I am now. I can’t bear to just let their effort go to waste by not being successful, whether it’s because I’m not here or because I didn’t try hard enough.

#24 dainty.anya


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Posted 10 December 2020 - 04:55 AM

My daughter

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

hw: 154lb
cw: 113lb
gw: 110lb

#25 seakissed



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Posted 14 December 2020 - 06:55 PM

Honestly, knowing there are so many more things to be discovered out there. I want to see the world and help animals. 

nightingale, sweet-voiced messenger of spring

#26 teaceremony


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Posted 16 December 2020 - 01:00 AM

One day I will travel to all the countries I want to go to: Japan, Switzerland, German, Italy, France, South Korea. 

My stats are...
Height: 5’8
Starting Weight: 282 lbs.
Current Weight: 271.4 lbs. 11/28/2020 @ 43 inch waist Size 24 / 2x

Goal Weight: 160 lbs. 


271 270 269 268 267 266 265 264 263 262 261
260 255 250 245 240 235 230 225 220 215 210 205 200


Weightloss Rewards:

260: new black sexy bras

250: new black sexy panties

240: buy ballet barre

230: shop old "skinny" clothes in my closet

220: create a fashion look-book

210: sort and donate unwanted jewelry in my closet

200: buy some new perfume
My current challenge: International Dance Day challenge for Thursday, April 29, 2021. My goal is to have a more flexible and graceful ballet type of body during the winter time and possible 2nd Covid-19 lockdown in the United States. Also, I will be incorporating run/walking outdoors as well as much as I can as long as it isn't extreme freezing and snowy weather.


Diet plan:  I don't want to focus on any particular diet at the moment, but I know for sure I will mostly eat two meals a day, because that is all my body wants: breakfast and a late lunch/early dinner. Also I attempt to eat nothing but whole, non-processed foods. I will make an effort to cook and bake more, which will force me to only eat from home mostly. Also, carry flavored water and a little bag of mix nuts to consume when away from home in order to avoid fast food places. 


The link is here: https://www.myproana...etc/?p=73534693


This is my REALISTIC ideal body type, from being morbidly obese, for International Dance Day, on Thursday, April 29, 2021 (5 months challenge): Basically, I have no choice to but to be thick in the hips and thighs, but I want to get rid of my protruding, hanging belly in order to look like this girl. Once I reach this body type goal, then I find another body type I can try to attain. 







#27 consciouspane



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Posted 16 December 2020 - 02:48 AM

my family! and the hope that this pandemic will be over soon!

#28 peacholic



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Posted 16 December 2020 - 04:09 PM

My mom, my boyfriend, my cat
The fact that I’m half way through my Bachelor’s degree
Being able to volunteer at an animal shelter one day
Going to the beach during sunset/sunrise
Pretty clothes
Cold weather and seeing snow for the first time


5'0 BMI 21.09

HW: 110 LW: 78

110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100

99 98 97 96 95 94 93 92 91 90

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