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So, here I am...again


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#1 eashort

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Posted 23 November 2020 - 11:32 PM

It has been over a year since I last used my account here. Things were actually going pretty good for me. I had sought out treatment for my EDNOS (sometime I binge and purge, sometimes I just binge, and sometimes I fast for prolonged periods, sometime I did other things...but because of my higher BMI and PCOS I was diagnosed the way I was).

Anyway, after about 12 - 14 years of suffering with all things related to food and diet and exercise, I was getting help and transitioned to a healthier eating style. I lost 75 lbs, and for once I wasn’t actually stressing or obsessing about my weight loss.

Then, after years of infertility my husband and I finally got pregnant. That was when COVID hit, and I lost my job, and then my husband lost his, and then I found out I was miscarrying. My husband had a breakdown, and having to deal with all of that I completely gave up on myself and my diet. I stopped seeing my therapist (somewhat because of the added anxiety making it difficult, but mostly because of a change in finances).

I knew that I was stress eating and bingeing more than ever, but I just refused to get on the scale and see the damage. Months later, I finally gave in and weighed myself and of course I had gained back 30 lbs. My first instinct was to binge for what seemed like an eternity, which of course ended in a major purging session...the first one in well over a year. I found my old stash of phentermine, which I wasn’t using but just kept around just in case. (I was legitimately prescribed phentermine, but found that it was very triggering for me, and when on it I would become OBSESSED with all things food, calorie counting, workout.)

That was the middle of last week. Fast forward to this weekend, and I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to my PCP, and I have a severe double ear infection. It was so bad she put me on prednisone, a nasal steroid, and gave me a steroid injection at her office. So, that’s definitely gonna add like another 10 - 15 lb gain for me even I eat like a normal person the whole time. I already relapsed, and I can just feel that this steroid regimen is going to ultimately going to keep me here for a while. Crap!

Important notes:
- I know not to take the phentermine with the steroids. No worries about that.

- Despite it all, I am actually very happy that I didn’t relapse with self harm. Not much, but a little victory there I suppose. At least I have that to be proud of. 🤷‍♀️

#2 Rabies Queen

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Posted 24 November 2020 - 06:11 AM

I'm so sorry all of that happened to you, especially in such a short time.  This year has really taken a toll on so many people's physical and mental health.  Welcome back, I hope seeing other's dealing with similar issues helps bring you some comfort.

 

Take good care of yourself <3


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#3 eashort

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 08:39 PM

Thanks. Sorry I couldn’t reply sooner. It has been a busy week.


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