So, here I am...again - Community Introductions - Forums and Community

Jump to content

About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


So, here I am...again

  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic

#1 eashort



  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 25 posts

Posted 23 November 2020 - 11:32 PM

It has been over a year since I last used my account here. Things were actually going pretty good for me. I had sought out treatment for my EDNOS (sometime I binge and purge, sometimes I just binge, and sometimes I fast for prolonged periods, sometime I did other things...but because of my higher BMI and PCOS I was diagnosed the way I was).

Anyway, after about 12 - 14 years of suffering with all things related to food and diet and exercise, I was getting help and transitioned to a healthier eating style. I lost 75 lbs, and for once I wasn’t actually stressing or obsessing about my weight loss.

Then, after years of infertility my husband and I finally got pregnant. That was when COVID hit, and I lost my job, and then my husband lost his, and then I found out I was miscarrying. My husband had a breakdown, and having to deal with all of that I completely gave up on myself and my diet. I stopped seeing my therapist (somewhat because of the added anxiety making it difficult, but mostly because of a change in finances).

I knew that I was stress eating and bingeing more than ever, but I just refused to get on the scale and see the damage. Months later, I finally gave in and weighed myself and of course I had gained back 30 lbs. My first instinct was to binge for what seemed like an eternity, which of course ended in a major purging session...the first one in well over a year. I found my old stash of phentermine, which I wasn’t using but just kept around just in case. (I was legitimately prescribed phentermine, but found that it was very triggering for me, and when on it I would become OBSESSED with all things food, calorie counting, workout.)

That was the middle of last week. Fast forward to this weekend, and I wasn’t feeling well, so I went to my PCP, and I have a severe double ear infection. It was so bad she put me on prednisone, a nasal steroid, and gave me a steroid injection at her office. So, that’s definitely gonna add like another 10 - 15 lb gain for me even I eat like a normal person the whole time. I already relapsed, and I can just feel that this steroid regimen is going to ultimately going to keep me here for a while. Crap!

Important notes:
- I know not to take the phentermine with the steroids. No worries about that.

- Despite it all, I am actually very happy that I didn’t relapse with self harm. Not much, but a little victory there I suppose. At least I have that to be proud of. 🤷‍♀️

#2 Rabies Queen

Rabies Queen

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 258 posts
  • LocationUSA

Posted 24 November 2020 - 06:11 AM

I'm so sorry all of that happened to you, especially in such a short time.  This year has really taken a toll on so many people's physical and mental health.  Welcome back, I hope seeing other's dealing with similar issues helps bring you some comfort.


Take good care of yourself <3


I wanna be a king slayer

#3 eashort



  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 25 posts

Posted 28 November 2020 - 08:39 PM

Thanks. Sorry I couldn’t reply sooner. It has been a busy week.

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users