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"Pretty privilege", I guess.


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#1 WillowsStars

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 08:04 PM

Is it weird that I feel like people care more about you if you're pretty? Like, for me (shitty genetics) if I finally lost the weight around my chin and stomach people would care more about me and I'd be noticed more. If I was one of those girls that I overhear the boys in my class describing as 'fit' (sexy) or just beautiful, things would be different. My incurable shyness would be cuter.

I'm not an attention whore and I definitely don't want everyone's eyes on me - but I wish more than anything to find a boyfriend who I can really love and who will really get me, and vice versa, and although many people will say 'looks don't matter!', in terms of being noticed in the first place, irregardless of how much you've spoken or how nice/unkind you are, they do.

I feel as though this is a very vain perspective and I'm almost ashamed of myself for thinking this way - especially since this likely comes from a place of wanting to be saved from my own self destructive behaviours, when the only people that will attract are others prone to self-destruction - but I don't know, I kind of like fantasising about unrealistic relationships.

I feel like shit.

#2 Outlier

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 08:12 PM

I'm not sure this goes in the anorexia forum section,

But yeah. Pretty gets attention. Pretty privilege is real. But I do think who you are as a person also goes a really long way. That's not trying to make anyone feel better either, it's just what I've observed. People with character, people with skills, they're more valued. The person who can make others feel good about themselves, oh hell yeah. Pretty is just a nice bonus.

 


 


#3 WillowsStars

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Posted 27 November 2020 - 08:28 PM

I'm not sure this goes in the anorexia forum section,


Oops. Do you know what forum I should post this in instead?

But yeah. Pretty gets attention. Pretty privilege is real. But I do think who you are as a person also goes a really long way. That's not trying to make anyone feel better either, it's just what I've observed. People with character, people with skills, they're more valued. The person who can make others feel good about themselves, oh hell yeah. Pretty is just a nice bonus.


Yes, personality definitely accounts for the majority of attractiveness - it's more in terms of people first being interested in wanting to know you. I'm an extremely reserved person and I can't start or hold a conversation without a lot of input from the other party - social anxiety - and I feel as though I need the looks to get others to cross that boundary. I often see people striking up conversations with each other and you can tell, just by looking at them, that one or both of them stand out in the crowd for their appearances. I may just be a hopeless cause but that's been my observation thus far, and I'm embarrassed to say that it leaves me feeling both hopeless, mildly envious, which is never a good emotion, and desperate to restrict/over exercise (hence this forum choice, although now that you've mentioned it this post isn't very relevant). Due to my shyness I don't actually have any friends at my new school to share my feelings with, and I wanted to see other's perspectives, and so I posted here.

#4 Outlier

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 12:40 AM

Oops. Do you know what forum I should post this in instead?


Yes, personality definitely accounts for the majority of attractiveness - it's more in terms of people first being interested in wanting to know you. I'm an extremely reserved person and I can't start or hold a conversation without a lot of input from the other party - social anxiety - and I feel as though I need the looks to get others to cross that boundary. I often see people striking up conversations with each other and you can tell, just by looking at them, that one or both of them stand out in the crowd for their appearances. I may just be a hopeless cause but that's been my observation thus far, and I'm embarrassed to say that it leaves me feeling both hopeless, mildly envious, which is never a good emotion, and desperate to restrict/over exercise (hence this forum choice, although now that you've mentioned it this post isn't very relevant). Due to my shyness I don't actually have any friends at my new school to share my feelings with, and I wanted to see other's perspectives, and so I posted here.


Maybe Off-topic Discussions or The Rant Room? I mean I didn't mean to seem rude or anything, just thought maybe you'd get better responses there is all!
 

I dont know, young people, that is teenagers and young adults, they seem to lack a lot of empathy and definitely have that "ooh shiny" disposition. I guess I honestly am always around people 26+ due to certain life choices I made. But I think the MAJORITY of what you're dealing with is finding the riiigghhtt people. And that can be hard to do in just one school. So don't be too hard on yourself! Worry about what you genuinely like, what makes you want to live. That I think is maybe the hardest part for those who suffer from anorexia. Finding something you genuinely want to live for. I happened to find a few things, and I quit caring about trying to make friends and started caring more about what I'm good at. And those interests, they led me to finding good people.


 



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