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I don't think I can stop without therapy anymore: Life and times of Rat

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#1 Thermodynamic Rat

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Posted 28 November 2020 - 02:15 AM

I'm in a really really bad b/p cycle rn. I have b/pd 5+ times a day for the last 2 days,and 1-3 times a day with a brief pause every 1-2 days for several months. Before that it was a few times a week, sometimes every day during some periods. Ever since I got home and have nothing else to do I just....cannot....stop. I either b/p or I don't eat. It just keeps slowly (sometimes quickly! :D) getting worse. My stomach has started to hurt after purging. Sometimes I can eat a normal amount and delay the purging for a bit but inevitably I will regret it enough to try to get it up. How can I fucking lose more weight like this because I'm not going to therapy which means I am going to fucking die and I don't want to die fat. Idk I just feel like if I dropped dead rn people would both know I have an ed but also think I "Failed" at it because I died at a bmi of 22 (or 20 or however long it takes)

Also what should my epitaph be idk

Also I feel like I am exaggerating by calling this a bad b/p cycle because ik some people on here purge like 10 times a day but compared to how I usually am, this is bad.

#2 boolimeeyer



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Posted 28 November 2020 - 08:08 PM

it doesn’t matter how “bad” or often others bp.

your pain, your suffering is valid.
you deserve help, you deserve support, you deserve wellbeing.

rooting for you, solidarity! <3

is there any way you can get help? :)

#3 sewerside



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Posted 30 November 2020 - 06:22 AM

ur valid
u deserve to get help sending all my love


134.2 lbs / bmi 22.2

thinspo dump

#4 Gatitagordita



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Posted 30 November 2020 - 10:08 AM

Oh no. Do you think you'll try therapy?

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