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Hi, im a fat melty lump


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#1 skellyjelly

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 05:25 AM

I joined a long time ago but it didnt stick. Of course I ballooned up above 140 again and none of my clothes fit right. I dont have an eating disorder and im not stupid enough to want one, but I do have some kind of dysmorphia and having a cottage cheese ass makes it a lot worse. I want to get back down to like 115 which is just within the normal range so nobody can give me shit for being underweight. LW in recent years was in the lower 120s which was good but not good enough. I just want support for when I get home from work so I dont stuff my fat face with whatever crap is left around the kitchen since I cant live alone right now. It was so much easier when I lived alone. This is probably a shitty intro but im a shitty person so I guess it fits

Triggered to come back while looking at Dakota rose and thinking about how pretty and successful she could have been if she just kept her weight under control. I wonder what im losing by letting myself go.

It's time to get serious about eating less carbs and drinking more water and I hope I can meet some new friends on my way. accountabilibuddies? Haha
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5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#2 skellyjelly

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 09:14 AM

I dont know where to post and I am lost. I want to start journaling but id be mortified if someone found a physical copy and I've heard some fitness apps will ban you if they don't think your goals are healthy. Since my goal weight is just barely in the normal range for my height I should be fine though, right? Idk ur boi's a noisy bitxh

If there's somewhere better for me to be posting please let me know! I might spam this thread just a little so I dont forget what I've eaten already. My brains are full of jelly
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#3 skellyjelly

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 09:22 AM

Ugh okay yeah it looks like there is an accountability section but im not allowed to see it yet because gelatin skellies cannot be trusted. People are scary and im afraid to post in like casual sections or whatever what if everyone's mean to me and thinks skeleton jelly is stupid? I love skeleton jelly. Skeleton jelly gets me. He's a misshapen humanoid wandering some sort of ominous hellscape and I feel that.

Seriously though, if im spamming up the wrong section pls guide me senpais thank you
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5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#4 skellyjelly

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 09:30 AM

Ok so in the absence of permissions (pls do not ban i am friendly ty) i realize I dont have proper time frames for my goals. Its not like I've never lost before cause I got up to like 165 once and dropped back down to 120-something. But udk how long that took.. it is a mystery. Maybe I should try those apps and see if I get banned I mean I probably won't right? But I need to start by tracking what I'm stuffing my stupid face with first and I work night shift because im spooky like that so this is the end of the day for me but I dont really cook for myself because im a lazy piece of shit so one of the things I can do to help myself is just not eat anything that isn't served to me. I havent been doing that lately because of stress and being a greedy little piggie. Oink oink anyway im gonna take some measurements and drink some water because I feel the hunger but I DONT NEED IT I've eaten plenty today anyway ok brb
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#5 skellyjelly

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 10:02 AM

Ok im back and I cant find a measuring tape but anyway I wanted to update with what I've eaten today and what im probably going to eat. I got home and already mindlessly ate some almonds because they're there and they're coated in Wasabi and I love them and they're expensive so I cant eat more than a few at a time anyway so it should be that much easier for me to avoid whatever junk food is sitting around if I limit myself to indulging in just a few almonds. Like one serving of almonds is a lot anyway so its a good place to start. I could have sworn I was closer to 142 the other day but maybe I was dehydrated because im at 144 this morning its not really practical for me to weigh myself before work.. actually im an adult why don't I buy myself a damn scale wtf its black Friday I can afford my own scale im ridiculous anyway im gonna list what I've eaten so far but I dont have weights or any real calculations because again, lazy pile of lard. I can do better but this is where I'm starting off:
Breakfast (thanks mom) - 20cm diameter plate filled with equal parts turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes (i dont like the taste of butter but I do like turkey! Pls no vegan I eat animals as they would and should eat me when I am dead or murdered or rotting or whatever anyway
Coffee - a full 16oz container of coffee with creamer because I suck and can't handle the bitterness of black coffee its shameful but I need the caffeine and cant be making stupid faces at work haha
Lunch (thanks mom) - seafood salad with shredded lettuce and tomato on wheat, probably honey wheat, Definitely too much mayo
Dinner (this is where I crash and burn and turn back into a spineless puddle of blubber) today I had some almonds, definitely less than 23 but idk how many exactly because my fat ass didn't keep count since its my first day of being determined to quit being a hambeast. I also have a 2oz packet of baby carrots and a stick of string cheese from my lunch (thanks mom) that im probably gonna eat because I have no self control. Lately I've been eating MULTIPLE cheeses! Disgusting LOL but yeah thats definitely plenty, I'm not that active at work so I dont need much energy I just have to stop indulging the fatlogic and quit snacking on crap so mindfulness is my first step and nobody is going to read this but thats probably a good thing so thanks ♡skeleton jelly
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#6 skellyjelly

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Posted 29 November 2020 - 10:07 AM

Hey wait a minute I havent made any progress on setting time frames and reasonable goals thats important isn't it? Fuck

How much do you think I can drop by new years?
Pls send thoughts and be my friend thanks
♡ur friendly neighborhood skeleton trapped in a fat suit♡
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#7 skellyjelly

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Posted 01 December 2020 - 05:29 AM

Surprise, bitch! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me. No I was just busy yesterday. You know, doing skelly stuff, wiggling around in my jelly suit. So here's the report nobody wanted:
Breakfast - a big bowl of soup! There was carrots and potatoes and celery and broth and some kind of meat chunks. Probably turkey but idk I meant to measure volume but im gonna be lazy
Lunch- i guess I had my sandwich and carrots and string cheese for lunch. Sadly the sandwich was not tuna it was some kind of chicken patty or something I honestly don't know whats in it but I didnt really like it.. so the sandwich was mystery meat with tomato and shredded lettuce on wheat, one bread end. I didnt finish it because of the patty but I did eat most of it. Was there mayo on it? I dont want to know
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#8 skellyjelly

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Posted 01 December 2020 - 05:33 AM

Oh and dinner was like a whole serving of almonds before I remembered I should just drink more water! I lost count of exactly how many but I ate like 20 of the damn things. I did feel a bit hungry trying to sleep so I must be doing okay but maybe thats just because I stayed up too late.
I also had coffee with sweet creamer because I need my sugary caffeine and energy drinks hurt my teeth
Well I guess I dont need sugar but I really want it because im weak lol
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#9 skellyjelly

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Posted 01 December 2020 - 05:36 AM

I'm glad nobody cares if I spam up my own thread. I'm thinking I can start my goals off really easy so i can't fail and get discouraged. I should be able to drop out of the 140s by the 15th easy, right? Ah shit I forgot to buy a scale! Damn jelly brains
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#10 skellyjelly

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Posted 04 December 2020 - 05:28 AM

Bad news boys, really dove off the deep end this weekend. First I ate a scone my roommate brought home (a baker! AAAA), and then we ordered takeout. I had ramen (didn't finish the brother but I ate the rest), some kind of steamed bun thing, and some uh dumplings whatever theyre called. And an octopus ball. I didnt know octopuses had balls. Ill shut up that was stupid anyway I also ended up eating like 5 of these strudel things like, im not sure how to describe their size but I probably undid all my progress dropping from 144 back to 142 haha ill have to check the damage when I get home from work tonight. Thing is I felt guilty but not completely out of control, u know what I mean? Like I didnt just give up and eat everything (the strudely things were a little out of control also I ate more almonds im eating all the almonds please hide them from me) Still I clearly lost the battle for the weekend. The jelly is resilient but WE WILL IN THIS WAR RATTLE RATTLE
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#11 skellyjelly

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Posted 04 December 2020 - 05:34 AM

Broth, not brother. I had two slices of old pizza that day. Not a massive pizza so at the time I was still on track except for the scone the night before. Now im actually back on track and I've learned more about my triggers. Should have known that not being at work all day would throw me off so I have to figure out how to navigate that better. One of the reasons to restrict is so I CAN get takeout every once in a while and not feel too guilty about it but I havent earned the privilege of an occasional indulgence so that was bad and once a week is much too often so I cant just do that every weekend.
I know to put away trigger foods but SOMEONE left them out and the jelly overpowered me. I was weak. My bones will become stronger.

P.S. never did go back and buy myself a bathroom scale. Hmmm
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#12 skellyjelly

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Posted 04 December 2020 - 05:52 AM

I picked out a scale. ONWARD ok so for breakfast I had chicken with uhhh cranberry wild rice topping thing? Idk what that was but the rice must have been overcooked to hell because you could have told me it was mashed potato and I'd believe you. Usual sandwich for lunch (tuna lettuce tomato on wheat) but the bread was wheatier than usual and I didnt particularly like it but im pretty sure the grainier the better so ill just have to learn to like it. Packet of baby carrots and a string cheese for dinner later. I might be tempted to eat more almonds but ill drink more water
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#13 Anarkissed

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Posted 04 December 2020 - 12:09 PM

Welcome to MPA!  :)

 

Also can't wait until you unlock the accountability section, your updates are funny as hell (or maybe my sense of humour is really freaking weird lol)


                                                                                                   Grief is the price we pay for love.
                                                                                                         giphy.gif
                                                                                                                                                       5'5"
                                                                                                                                                       28
                                                                                                                                                  EDNOS

                                                                                                                     175 160 150 140 130 125 120 115 110 100
                                                                                                                                                (CW:
138)
                                                                                                                                         
Restriction Phase           

                                   


#14 skellyjelly

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Posted 07 December 2020 - 05:43 AM

Hello, thank you!! Its been a few days I didnt fall off the deep end again I just discombobulated at the sight of another person haha. I hope thats not mean, I'm just shy.

I've actually been doing pretty well since my last slip up. Weighed myself and I shot up to 145 so I got upset and went to bed without my cheese or carrots. I didnt end up buying that scale yet because its digital and ☆aesthetic☆ and I wanted to ask if maybe I should stick to analog for accuracy or if digital was probably ok. Yesterday I was back to 142 so I should be on track for my year end goals
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5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#15 skellyjelly

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Posted 07 December 2020 - 06:10 AM

Backlog oink report:

Breakfast was a massive serving of chicken pot pie, supposedly a single serving but looked and felt like at least 2 or 3- even got in a bit of an argument over it because i dont really pick my own portions for breakfast and i wasn't trained to eat mindfully, I was trained to finish my food so i wouldn't get in trouble for wasting. Its really no wonder I dont have a great relationship with food remembering my sister always had 'eyes bigger than her stomach' and would take more food than she would eat and she got in trouble for it. Once she didn't finish her ramen, and it was saved and put in the fridge and she wasn't allowed to eat anything else until she finished it. Yeah. RAMEN. Seriously. Like maruchan instant ramen, 35 cents a packet or whatever it was 10-20 years ago. We were never even poor so its not like we didn't have anything else to eat. I guess somebody just needed a sense of control over an elementary school girl...

I'm getting sidetracked but its lead me to the realization that if I can conquer that nervous compulsion to eat everything on my plate I can cut my portions down to something more appropriate for my needs. Wouldnt be the first time I had to sneak food into the trash and I dont think I should feed everything I dont want to the dog im sure he'd enjoy it but its probably not good for his pancreas. I just sit on my jelly most of the night so I dont need 3 servings of breakfast I just need to recognize and break the bad habit of eating more than I need or even want.

I also had a banana and about 5 big greasy French fries i was offered. The banana I stole from work. I ate my carrots when I got home but I havent been eating my cheese I've just been stashing it in the back of the fridge. The fridge is too full for anyone to find the renegade cheese for a while and mom has no idea how much food we have so it'll be pretty easy to pretend we had another package of string cheese she forgot about
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#16 skellyjelly

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Posted 07 December 2020 - 06:31 AM

I did make some progress on achievable goals in specific time frames while I was in hiding.

GW1: 139
I was hoping to make some progress by the 15th so im probably gonna be mad at myself if I still see anything over 142 by the 15th but I won't be too disappointed in myself as long as I drop out of the 140s by the end of the year. 2lbs per week is a perfectly healthy goal so 4 weeks to drop 6lbs is pretty modest. I'm currently in the fatter half of the normal range for my height but im skinnyfat so adjusting for muscle I might even be in the overweight range haha just because its cold out doesn't mean I need this much blubber thats what coats are for

So why MPA if my goals and methods are probably well within health and safety recommendations besides the fact that im not consulting a doctor because fuck paying for that? Why not some "healthier" alternative?
The idea is that I feel like I can be honest here about my body image and complain about being a fat piece of shit all I want and nobody here is going to think I'm fishing for compliments or attention because most people here feel the same way, im just venting. So I can rant and rave about bones and jelly jiggling like the nutcase I am and nobody thinks they're helping by telling me I look fine and im just fucked up in the head. Listen. I have animal bones in my skull where my brains should be. Probably squirrel bones mostly. Tim & Eric didn't want them. You know how squirrels hide nuts for the winter and then forget where they put them and grow a bunch of trees instead? Thats probably what happened. I like the sound they make rattling around in there. Rattle rattle!
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#17 skellyjelly

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Posted 07 December 2020 - 06:51 AM

Okay got another oink report to dump:
I got a bit greedy yesterday and had two big bowls of chicken Caesar salad. There wasn't that much chicken but there was plenty of dressing. There were croutons but I ate like 2 before I realized I can throw them out because they're gross they're just stale unseasoned bread. I also tried a um. A stuffed mushroom. Stuffed with cheese and idk what else, very oily. It was almost good but I really hate mushrooms. It had an aftertaste like id eaten a fart. Every time I try to give mushrooms a chance they remind me why they're the worst! Is it because someday I will be mushrooms? Can you grow psychedelic mushrooms on dead people? Asking for a friend.

Anyway I had my usual sandwich for lunch, tuna with tomato and lettuce on wheat bread, but I realized there's mayo on it which seems excessive because the tuna comes with oil but ok.. also the lettuce is like, salad greens.

Oh, I forgot two things from the last oink report: I stole a snack bar from work for fear of indulging other cravings, but I was good and didn't eat it. My roommate stole it which is fine. I also had a mini cucumber with my baby carrot packet, which was good but.. actually a little moldy so that wasn't very good. I ended up spitting out a good quarter of it, along with the bitter baby carrots.

So yesterday morning I had more baby carrots and a mini cucumber and this one wasn't as moldy. Only had to spit out 2 bites but im getting more selective with my baby carrots. Why should I eat bitter carrots? I do not like! I did give in to hunger and ate a whole packet of those belvita cracker things. 230 kcal but really satisfied that craving so I didnt slip into a binge. So I havent done a great job of keeping to my goal of eating only what's given to me, but so far I'm doing a pretty good job of eating at most one thing that wasn't given to me. We will march on! Or roll. Whatever your mode of transportation is fine
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#18 skellyjelly

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Posted 07 December 2020 - 07:12 AM

Ok we're gonna finally be caught up with this post so today I had more chicken pot die for breakfast and when I say more I mean again because there was less of it and I didnt eat the crust because it still felt like at least a serving and a half. I mean its pie. It may be a savory pie but its still a pie. I had the usual tuna sandwich for lunch and I have another mini cucumber and baby carrots for dinner. Fuck the bitter ones they're going in the TRASH but I do like cucumbers (so hydrating!) So I hope it's not too far gone. Jelly belly's not bothering me like yesterday so I dont think I'll give in to extra snacks. Maybe a couple almonds but im gonna shoot for water.

So I found some numbers on my sandwich but I haven't worked out the macros yet.
150 prepackaged tuna
220 whole wheat bread (2 slices)
~30 tomato
~10 romaine lettuce
150? mayonnaise
I have no idea how much mayo goes into that sandwich so im hoping im rounding up. Fuck mayo! Ugh im gonna have to complain about condiments there was definitely too much mayo in my sandwich last night. And ill have to look at the salad greens to see how they compare to romaine.

20 kcal baby carrot packet
I think 10 for the mini cucumber?
Man I love cucumbers. Wish i could tell what was in the fridge but there's so much in there its intimidating. I dont like to look in the fridge. Scary fridge! Ok see u soon byee
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#19 skellyjelly

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Posted 07 December 2020 - 07:22 AM

Oh no! I forgot to account for my coffee!
Yes I still have coffee with creamer in it every day. I have to measure out how much creamer I use. I'm trying to cut down but I won't use so little I hate drinking it! I'm sure I'm forgetting something else. But what? It is a mystery. I wish I could ask the squirrels in my skull space
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me

#20 skellyjelly

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Posted 08 December 2020 - 02:08 AM

Okay I stayed up late cleaning and throwing out old garbage food and then SOMEONE brought home raspberries and I ate a whole pack (6oz 90kcal) because I have no self control and I love raspberries I swear fruits are nature's junk food #1 sweets

Then for breakfast I had a nice lil bowl of soup, pieces of chicken, carrot, potato, green beans for some reason, maybe celery in some kind of seasoned broth. I didnt finish the broth so by volume it was maybe 1cup. Breakfast statistics are always a mystery because I dont plan well enough to prep my own meals

Roommate brought home a whole fuckin cake yesterday. The day before she brought home some taffies and i feel like she's trying to sabotage me and I dont like it. "Control yourself" she says well bitch thats what im trying to do and I dknt need you testing me. Like you have your own fridge but you leave this stuff in the main kitchen thanks so much. I know shes gonna be a bad influence again this weekend (I have two days off after tonight) so im not looking forward to that. We both have a day off so maybe I'll hide in my room and clean

I also took a dinner from work...it looks pretty good and I pulled it out of the fridge and the client didn't want it but for covid reasons I didnt think I should put it back. It did look pretty good though so im probably gonna eat most of it myself. 3 sections, I ate the salad section first because the other 2 should be reheated.
Salad was about 1 cup romaine lettuce (10kcal) with 10 red grapes (~62kcal) and one grape tomato (1.5kcal) with some kind of vinaigrette (???).
There's also some kind of seasoned fish on a bed of rice and a cup of veggies. I also have the usual sandwich I might bring home to eat. Might save the carrots since rejecting the bitter ones is like a whole ritual.
5'6"
SW: 144 | CW:~132 | GW: 111

I am a skeleton trapped in gelatin please free me


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