36 replies to this topic

[strawberryclouds]

I dont have an eating disorder and im not stupid enough to want one

..? why are you here then


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[skellyjelly]

..? why are you here then
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So why MPA if my goals and methods are probably well within health and safety recommendations besides the fact that im not consulting a doctor because fuck paying for that? Why not some "healthier" alternative?
The idea is that I feel like I can be honest here about my body image and complain about being a fat piece of shit all I want and nobody here is going to think I'm fishing for compliments or attention because most people here feel the same way, im just venting. So I can rant and rave about bones and jelly jiggling like the nutcase I am and nobody thinks they're helping by telling me I look fine and im just fucked up in the head. Listen. I have animal bones in my skull where my brains should be. Probably squirrel bones mostly. Tim & Eric didn't want them. You know how squirrels hide nuts for the winter and then forget where they put them and grow a bunch of trees instead? Thats probably what happened. I like the sound they make rattling around in there. Rattle rattle!

There is a sticky advising that people who end up here who aren't already struggling with an ED likely have other underlying issues. If you're bored enough to read the rest of the thread I think its clear there's more going on than just wanting to be thin. Like those who do have EDs I can never expect to be happy with my body, but im doing this because I hated it less when I was thinner.

[skellyjelly]

I should probably throw out the rest of that dinner after all the salad was plenty and I still have a whole damn sandwich

[skellyjelly]

These bones lack the energy to be humerus tonight.
Back to our regularly scheduled shit nobody cares about i really wanted to try that fish so I took a bite, discovered it wasn't nearly as flavorful as expected, and spit it out. Ate a carrot slice and gave the rest to the garbage bin, face down like a little hat. I should have taken the cauliflower instead of the carrot but we were taking trash out and I didnt want to leave that smelly fish in the trash for the morning shift.

Turns out I do not have the usual sandwich tonight but some kind of store prepped sandwich. Package says 570. Maybe I'll eat the insides and trash the bread, its just a vehicle for the rest of the sandwich anyway. I ran out of coffee too early im ready for the weekend

[Para_Normal]

"Backlog oinknreport," killed me. 🤣

Do you do any kind of online Journaling? A long time ago we used OpenDiary but that has since closed down. I wonder if we could use something similar. I'll look around!

[skellyjelly]

Ok I went ahead and tossed the bread (I did take a nibble but white bread is TRASH so into the trash it goes)and ate the insides of that sandwich including uhhhhhhh turkey and cheese and lettuce and I think some kind of mayo stuck to the lettuce a little bit but it was thick and gross so im glad most of it stuck to the bread. Lettuce wraps are so underrated in America I love lettuce wraps its like a sandwich without the stupid bread is it normal to indulge in just like a plain slice of honey wheat bread? I hear bread is weirdly sweet in America anyway so maybe thats why it seems like a treat on its own. And so soft and squishy I love. There was also cheese and I think like turkey bacon or something. I was still hungry so I chased it with water and im gonna eat my mini cucumber but I think I must have just eaten too fast. The lettuce was kind of wilted so it was not pleasant to handle.

Consistently dropping a little every day since last weekend, wish me luck to stay on track this weekend! Its not like I want to remove my jelly suit entirely, I just want to minimize it. Exoskeletons are neat in all but im cool with my endoskeleton personally

[skellyjelly]

"Backlog oinknreport," killed me.
Do you do any kind of online Journaling? A long time ago we used OpenDiary but that has since closed down. I wonder if we could use something similar. I'll look around!

oh gosh I guess I'm kind of using this thread as a journal aren't I? Thats what they get for locking me out of the accountability forum, ill just hide in a cave like normal skeletons until I gather enough power to break free!
I did think about why I didn't just start a Tumblr or something if I just ended up blogging basically but even though I'm mostly talking to myself I'm actually kind of community oriented and even though I'm scared of people I don't really want to be alone with these thoughts. I dont know why keeping this to myself somehow feels more pathetic than publishing it but if I had to make sense I probably wouldn't be here take it up with the squirrels in my skull

[Para_Normal]

oh gosh I guess I'm kind of using this thread as a journal aren't I? Thats what they get for locking me out of the accountability forum, ill just hide in a cave like normal skeletons until I gather enough power to break free!
I did think about why I didn't just start a Tumblr or something if I just ended up blogging basically but even though I'm mostly talking to myself I'm actually kind of community oriented and even though I'm scared of people I don't really want to be alone with these thoughts. I dont know why keeping this to myself somehow feels more pathetic than publishing it but if I had to make sense I probably wouldn't be here take it up with the squirrels in my skull

I must admit, I thoroughly enjoy reading through all of the squirrel mess!

[skellyjelly]

Hello i have returned i was cursed by a witch and melted. At first I thought I was just turned into a pig for the weekend as usual but the curse had lasting effects, including silence and a residual curly pink tail. Anyway I have recombobulated but idk how much of my piggie backlog to dump. I think there was a paragraph tucked in that file somewhere maybe I'll post that with my "what I did over winter break" report.

When I went to update my profile I was kind of surprised to see it still said 142? I swear I remember breaking 139 and just not trusting it because I've broken 136 now and again I dont trust it. I'm sure ill be higher when I talk to the scale after work but at least I'm starting to make progress again because I plateaued around 139 for like a week.

So I've updated my goals and I think I'm gonna keep setting soft and hard goals. Don't be lewd. Anyway since I've already met my soft goal of 137 having passed 139, im gonna aim for 134 but as long as I stay below 137 over the holidays I won't be too mad at myself haha

[skellyjelly]

Also my coffee tastes like mold today. Will I die?

[skellyjelly]

Ok, im probably fine but ill update you guys if I die.

Anyways I was right not to trust the scale because its feeding me lies, dehydrated lies!! I got home and it said like 137.7 today surely this is because I ate one of the tiny chocolate christmas cupcakes at work damnit I wanted to try the vanilla one but I didnt want to earn that much coal. Oh I guess I also had a pretty big breakfast. Some fish, garlic bread and a reasonably sized bowl of some kind of vinaigrette salad. Were there peanuts in it? There may have been peanuts. Also the usual tuna sandwich so yeah now that I think about it haha definitely more than I had yesterday oink oink

(Edited because I spelled fish like a dumb dumb)

[skellyjelly]

Fat.
Fat.
Stupid fat fuck.
Not a great day for this gelatinous old lump.
Been seeing 137.7 every day for the past 3 days,
138 today. I'm not eating anything im not logging and the only meal I cant calculate is breakfast. It's hard not to finish it off, like its actually compulsive, but maybe I can cut down the portion size to something reasonable before I start breakfast so that compulsion doesn't make me overeat. I didnt think breakfast was fucking me up that bad but thats the only variable I'm not accounting for, and I round up the numbers on anything else because I'd rather overestimate and be pleasantly surprised than underestimate and end up in exactly this situation. I got a package today and im supposed to be excited to open it, and I was. until I spoke to Mr scale, the bastard. Now im pissed off and I have no one to blame but myself. So thats cool.
Skipping recent oink reports its pretty much the same old you can safely assume I've gobbled up the whole farm like invader zim in that episode about his squigglyspooch. I have many organs. Very healthy

[skellyjelly]

How ridiculous is it to sniff a cookie you cant eat? I was gonna throw it away but it was very alluring. Thus, I sniff the cookie. It smell chocolatey. Good cookie. Good for sniffing

[SugaredBugs]

How ridiculous is it to sniff a cookie you cant eat? I was gonna throw it away but it was very alluring. Thus, I sniff the cookie. It smell chocolatey. Good cookie. Good for sniffing

ah, this reminds me of when I saved all the sweets I got in a pretty little box hidden away in a drawer for sniffing purposes lol, and ofc to prevent myself from eating them. It wasn't very effective though, I ended up just eating them all at once :/  But yes cookies are good for sniffing!

[skellyjelly]

ah, this reminds me of when I saved all the sweets I got in a pretty little box hidden away in a drawer for sniffing purposes lol, and ofc to prevent myself from eating them. It wasn't very effective though, I ended up just eating them all at once :/  But yes cookies are good for sniffing!

Genius!! I got excited and realized I had a cookie-sized box and put my sniffing cookie in the box to sniff later. So far I've succeeded in not eating the cookie, but I ended up binging on rotisserie chicken a day or two later hahaha

I'm sorry to hear the sweets got the best of you that time, but I believe in you! Ultimately you will prevail! I do wonder what kind of sweets they were, but thats not important Whats important is conquering temptation! I usually try to avoid things I know I'm weak against so I dont know why I thought I could control myself around that chicken, but lesson learned. The allure of chicken was too strong for my squirrelbrains

[skellyjelly]

While I was melted I had a really nice dinner with family, like boujie, after that chicken and felt really guilty and couldnt talk to Mr Scale for the day but today it said 135.8 even after eating all the chicken, and then I stress ate a whole pint of blueberries. I'm around 1,000 kcals for the day which isn't terrible knowing I'm restricting pretty high compared to most people here and I rationalize that as sustainability. But I was thinking about that cookie. Not to eat, just to sniff. Sniffing the cookie without eating it feels like success.

So I pulled out my cookie box. My friend, the sandwich bag I so lovingly placed it in failed to protect my poor sniffing cookie. It went home to the trash it smelled more like sandwich bag than cookie. There are more cookies so I grabbed a new cookie to sniff cause no one in this house really needs store bought cookies anyway. Had to post to empower me to enjoy the cookie without actually eating it. I think I licked a couple micrograms off my finger though haha

2021 will be a better year! I wanted to get fit last year but... well, you know. Maybe when I hit my ugw I can allow myself a bite of the cookie. Just a bite. Nobody needs the whole cookie. It is good for sniffs though

[skellyjelly]

Hello friends! I have officially graduated from baby jail and will be continuing my stupidity here. Thank you for all your patient support and acceptance, I just wanted to explain why this thread is finally being left to die after weeks of force feeding it spam. Hope you're well or at least hanging in there, take care!