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Are any of you black women/girls tired of seeing books written about black men and police brutality?


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#1 thisnvmb_girl

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Posted 14 December 2020 - 02:35 PM

I understand obviously that black men go through police brutality, but it is starting to annoy me that nobody thinks about what black women go through in those situations. They dont care. Black women are the most hated people period.
We go through colorism from black men, talking about how they dont want us, we are considered ugly to a lot of them, especially their hate towards alot of dark skinned women.
People use the worst stereotype toward us
I have had a few times where the police failed me. When I was raped, was told that we both got in trouble or I just had to deal with it..
I wish more peole would talk about the struggles as a lack women, about the colorism, always having to ask ourselves "does he like black girls?" A group of black men assaulted a black girl on video, threw her in a dumpster, and people thought it was funny and the video went viral. A black model was harrassed by a group of men, they were blocking her car, and when she got out, they started cat calling her, sexually assaulting her. Some random guy even slapped her butt. Where is the justice for black women?? Not only black men deal with police brutality. The colorist black men especially talk about how much they despise black/darksinned women, then suddenly praise us at the roots where we are standing up foe them and rooting for them. Then when it's done, we go back to being "that black bitch". Sorry for the rant lol
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#2 pastafreak

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Posted 14 December 2020 - 02:58 PM

I'm not black, but you might like this TED Talk that my African American Studies professor shared with my class: https://www.ted.com/...ity?language=en It explores the reason that so many people know the names of male victims of police brutality (Eric Garner, Freddie Gray, Mike Brown...) but few have heard the names of Black female victims.


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#3 Sky~and~Earth

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Posted 14 December 2020 - 06:14 PM

Yeah I am so guilty of buying into that. I remember being taught as a kid that black women have privilege over black men. Blah blah blah violence against black men and we as black women must protect them. You know what was never mentioned? The rates of domestic violence, DV murder and rape among black women. Black women are expected to protect the same men who are beating and killing them. Or how many seemingly woke black people -even the women too- side with Chris Brown! Beating up women who are "crazy" to put them in their place is just accepted.

 

 

The thing about black rights groups is you have to stick to the ones that are newer intersectional and actively promote feminism, because outside those groups really backwards disgusting beliefs towards women are rampant. A lot of fundy Christians and hotep types.

 

OP, I think you might be interested in watching the movie Surviving Compton: Dre, Suge & Michel'le. Turns out in those stories about black men overcoming the odds or whatever, a lot of times they'll just cut out any mention of the women they trampled on to reach success.


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#4 thisnvmb_girl

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Posted 15 December 2020 - 08:54 PM

Yeah I am so guilty of buying into that. I remember being taught as a kid that black women have privilege over black men. Blah blah blah violence against black men and we as black women must protect them. You know what was never mentioned? The rates of domestic violence, DV murder and rape among black women. Black women are expected to protect the same men who are beating and killing them. Or how many seemingly woke black people -even the women too- side with Chris Brown! Beating up women who are "crazy" to put them in their place is just accepted.

 

 

The thing about black rights groups is you have to stick to the ones that are newer intersectional and actively promote feminism, because outside those groups really backwards disgusting beliefs towards women are rampant. A lot of fundy Christians and hotep types.

 

OP, I think you might be interested in watching the movie Surviving Compton: Dre, Suge & Michel'le. Turns out in those stories about black men overcoming the odds or whatever, a lot of times they'll just cut out any mention of the women they trampled on to reach success.

periodddddd


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#5 Police Officer’s Whore

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Posted 16 December 2020 - 12:17 AM

I’m indifferent to black men’s struggles including police brutality. I don’t care and nothing in the world will make me care about their issues. That’s their problem, not mine. If they don’t like it, it’s their job to do something about it. I only worry about myself and I think other black women should as well. Stop trying to be everyone’s superhero when those same people would never do the same for you. Black women seem to be brainwashed into putting everyone else and their problems over their own. It doesn’t make you a bad person to only care about yourself and put your needs and wants first. Literally everyone else does this. It’s a matter of self preservation.
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#6 _Crescent

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Posted 22 January 2021 - 10:18 AM

Possibly an unpopular opinion, but I think Black men (generalizing massively) actually need massive doses of psychological help, immediately. I don't know how that can happen in a way that is actually curative, but it would be wonderful for everyone if that could happen. 

 

Speaking in massively broad generalizations here, but they tend to normalize behaviors that reveal a collective depression without even realizing it. Depression doesn't look the same in every culture or every person. Sometimes, depression looks more like reckless abandonment of life and virtue - you'll do anything bad (drugs, putting yourself and others in dangerous lifestyles, etc.) because you don't think you're capable of doing anything good (being the head of a nuclear family unit, for instance). Sometimes, depression looks more like clinging to petty things that make you feel better because important things seem out of your depth... for instance, rejecting a member of your race for something as trivial as having slightly darker skin than you can temporarily make you feel better about yourself. It is a way to feel a slight boost of confidence from being a rung above another person in an imaginary "hierarchy" without truly doing anything admirable enough climb an actual hierarchy (for example, intellectual achievement). 

 

I do have a point with all of that...

 

I know its kind of a crass way to put it, but "race relations" is largely a matter of PR (public relations/image management). How do other people see you? This is why people have very different stereotypes about Asians than Black people (for example). You cannot control everything about that, but you can control a surprising amount of that by enforcing high standards within and among yourselves. And no matter what, it will get better with time. Even if you didn't change others' minds, at least you'd treat each other better. To do the opposite is to destroy yourself both ways, which is why I think of it as collective depression.

 

The "image" that many people get about Black people is unfortunately negative, and I think unjust police brutalities are a trickle-down symptom of the very bad PR that emerges from our lack of internally enforced community standards. It makes me very sad when I see innocent victims of it who did nothing wrong, but were targets because they were hastily lumped in with a culture that is rotting from within.

 

I know its unpopular to mention it, but Black culture really is rotting horribly. I was lucky to grow up with a mother and father who were married and did their best. I have been shocked to learn how few Black people had even that basic goodness growing up. And I wonder how things might be different if most of us did. 

 

I also witnessed how it affects Black women, and that honestly scared me off. I was considered to have "lighter" skin, but seeing how badly some girls with darker skin were treated for it completely rubbed me the wrong way. I wanted no part of that. I have never actually been with a Black man romantically, and my husband is White. Not because I categorically refused to date a Black person, but because I was not lucky enough to meet one who didn't first reveal himself to have an odd fixation with one of those meaningless things like skin tone or "hair quality". I didn't want to feel like they were only nice to me for being a member of the "approved features" group. White men for the most part do not nitpick things like that, either they like you or they do not, which usually comes down to how you present yourself. (I don't think Black men realize how odd a specific skin tone fixation appears to others...they silently wonder what on Earth is going on if they see it).  

 

I secretly hope for a renaissance for Black people. Those can be huge cultural reset points (where would Europe be without their renaissance and enlightenment eras, or if all of it had been lost to time?), but only if the ideas and traditions arising from it are preserved and kept for generations. That is the only way I know of that a large group of people has had "massive doses of psychological help" that totally changed how they saw themselves for the future.


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#7 chocolatewaif

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Posted 22 January 2021 - 10:31 AM

I've personally never read any books like what you're talking about. Are they fiction or non fiction? Not only are black women also severely mistreated by the police at rates that people refuse to acknowledge. We have the highest rates of domestic abuse and murder compared to other women. And due to proximity it is largely done by black men. A few years ago there was that story of a black woman who went to jail for killing her husband and it was a response to his persistent abuse toward him, which was ignored by the police. Frankly, if a black man truly wants to get away with a crime all he has to do is abuse a black woman.


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#8 chocolatewaif

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Posted 22 January 2021 - 12:48 PM

Possibly an unpopular opinion, but I think Black men (generalizing massively) actually need massive doses of psychological help, immediately. I don't know how that can happen in a way that is actually curative, but it would be wonderful for everyone if that could happen. 

 

 

You're most definitely correct. This is something I've been processing for very long time and it does honestly go way beyond us. Most cultures in general, particularly Western thrive on and perpetuate black people being the "bottom of the totem pole." But a lot more black people of really just continue to follow the stereotypes, because it feels safer than to stand out and that definitely has to change. And not in a assimilation - you have to be like white/non-black people - in order to kind of way. I honestly don't think there is anything innately wrong with black culture outside of we're not the ones ultimately profiting from it. Money makes the world go round and the narrative is we make the trends and literally everyone else profits off of it. 

 

The thing is black men are men first and black second, while many black women are and are raised and trained to be black first and women second. A lot of black men know exactly what is going on with black women. They just don't care. They openly say they're not putting their neck out for a black woman unless its family or a sexual/romantic partner and a lot of times they barely do that. 

 

When the Sandra Bland story came out a great deal of them jumped right into manslaying mode, why was she resisting, why didn't she cooperate with the police etc. But when it's a black man marches everywhere. If anyone says well he shouldn't have been doing xyz or one 123 they are lambasted. 

 

For a while I struggled because I was affected by how black women are prostrated by black people as a whole, but particularly black men. When I was coming of age and YouTube was a more open platform that was the golden age of black men getting online and calling black women everything but of child of God. And that really put me in a well if they hate black women so bad I'm not even going to bother with them. And I'm just getting out of that, because frankly white men/non-men ain't that spectacular either. 

 

Now seeing what a lot of girls and women coming up are dealing with, I realize how bad things continue to be. To say its better or worst is difficult but the mediums have just changed. But I couldn't imagine not yet having a solid sense of self and having or having learned the things I have and seeing the things black boys and men put on the internet, and doing it in memes/entertainment content fashion. 

 

Instead of trying to acknowledge and heal their pains and issues so they can move on, black men deflect and circumagitate it, and that honestly is more of a man thing than a black thing. They bury their pains in white women. They play into the only thing I'm good for is playing ball narrative and think the money they make is comeuppance but its barely a fraction of what the white owner make. 

 

You're also right about the PR thing. Because trust and believe all of these other races and cultures are just as fucked up as we are. They just don't put it on front street. I'm going to stop now because I would write a whole dissertation on this topic, but I'm not getting paid to do so and I actually have writing work I do get paid to do that I'm procrastinating, lol. 


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#9 ssaibar

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Posted 27 January 2021 - 03:00 PM

im tired of being hated by everyone in one way or another. why should i care about people who dont care about me, its exhausting. every issue in the black community gets pushed off onto black women to fix - whether it be family or societal issues - and then we get harassed, gaslit, and beaten when we want to be heard and listened to. The only people i care for and expect to care for me are black women of any gender or sexuality (but even then we have issues)


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#10 sour_bees

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Posted 08 February 2021 - 02:24 PM

it just sucks bc i dnt WANT to care bc i know they dont care about us, but since u know wrong is wrong you can't help but say something or stand up anyways. I just hate the fact that we could create an entire shopping list of black men killed by police, yet at the same time can only name about 4 or 5 black women AT BEST who have been murdered the same way. And i am not trying to play oppression olympics, but we also face sexual assault/abuse in addition to the brutality. They clearly have no problem beating or shooting a man to death, so what do u think they do to us???? There are so many instances of black women "disappearing" or magically ending up dead while in custody or interacting w/ police, and i promise u the majority of society hasn't heard of them. And the few that they DO hear about, like Sandra Bland or Korryn Gaines, they immediately jump to "well she should've complied" and blame them for their own deaths. We literally have no real support from any other groups as black women (except perhaps black LGBTQ+ bc intersectionality), yet time and time again we put ourselves out there bc we weren't built to be selfish and evil like that. And that's just on the topic of police brutality, I haven't even touched on the gendered violence and inequality we face in society. I'm just at a phase in life rn where i dnt wanna be with anyone. Seeing how so many black men feel about us just rubs me rlly wrong sometimes, but seeing how predatory these non-black ppl can be especially when they have a fetish, turns me off too. I just wanna be awesome someday and just be alone...


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#11 ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა

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Posted 23 March 2021 - 01:13 PM

im tired of being hated by everyone in one way or another. why should i care about people who dont care about me, its exhausting. every issue in the black community gets pushed off onto black women to fix - whether it be family or societal issues - and then we get harassed, gaslit, and beaten when we want to be heard and listened to. The only people i care for and expect to care for me are black women of any gender or sexuality (but even then we have issues)

yup. black women r blamed for every fucking issue and it's fucking DRAINING


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