How long would you wait for engagement ring? - Age 30+ - Forums and Community

Jump to content


About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


Photo

How long would you wait for engagement ring?


  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 English_Rose

English_Rose

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1240 posts
  • LocationCanada

Posted 17 December 2020 - 11:58 AM

How long would you wait, and under what circumstances? I know that now is probably a crazy time to be thinking of things like this, because most people's employment is affected, and everything is so crazy. 

 

Also, if you would set a time limit, would you ghost your significant other if they don't meet your expectations? 

I'm over 30 so I think about these things.. would love to hear your thoughts.


  • back_to_skinny likes this

Highest weight : 145

Current weight : 135

GW1: 135 

GW2: 130

GW3: 125

GW4: 120

 


#2 farfromperfect95

farfromperfect95

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 126 posts

Posted 17 December 2020 - 12:24 PM

I personally don't have a time limit (It's my and my significant other's 4 year anniversary of dating today!) but that's mostly because it makes sense in our relationship to not worry about that stuff. We know we are getting engaged and married (likely after I finish school in another 3 semesters), but it's more for tax reasons and to be able to celebrate our relationship with our friends and family. For us it isn't about commitment because we already are in a trusting, committed relationship. I think we also don't believe in suffering through a broken relationship because of a religious commitment (we are both agnostic so the religious component doesn't mean anything to us).

 

I feel like this is all so personal though.


  • English_Rose and MmeFate like this

#3 MmeFate

MmeFate

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1016 posts
  • LocationMiddle Earth

Posted 17 December 2020 - 12:45 PM

I'd wait until I was ready to commit to them forever. If it's earlier or later than they expect, well they would be in the know. I am an open book and just telling what you see for yourself in a couple years, 5 years... see if they say the same. Kinda more casual way to gauge where they're at I suppose.

 

I don't want kids and I'm 30, so I'd wait a couple years. I'm also divorced so I have no rush having been through that, but I would expect within 3 years max a proposal and simple wedding. Just arbitrary but thats what came to mind. If I wanted kids maybe I'd be a bit speedier if being married was important to me for having children.. but same time its never worth the risk, in my opinion, if you may potential be having them with the wrong person. The clock ticking is a bitch but fuck it and take your time.. this is your life. Do whatever feels right and listen to your intuition is my advice


  • NLP likes this

#4 English_Rose

English_Rose

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1240 posts
  • LocationCanada

Posted 17 December 2020 - 12:46 PM

I personally don't have a time limit (It's my and my significant other's 4 year anniversary of dating today!) but that's mostly because it makes sense in our relationship to not worry about that stuff. We know we are getting engaged and married (likely after I finish school in another 3 semesters), but it's more for tax reasons and to be able to celebrate our relationship with our friends and family. For us it isn't about commitment because we already are in a trusting, committed relationship. I think we also don't believe in suffering through a broken relationship because of a religious commitment (we are both agnostic so the religious component doesn't mean anything to us).

 

I feel like this is all so personal though.

It's definitely personal, but I like to hear a variety of thoughts! For me, my parents never married and were common law until they finally separated 10 years ago. I don't want to end up like that. For me I just want to have our relationship down on paper before we live together ( I live alone) I sort of feel like some guys might use the "not officially married thing" as a way to mess around as they see it as less immoral that way. 

I also feel like I don't want to give him all the "wife privileges" like cooking, cleaning, emotional support, quality time spent at home unless I know for sure he's going to be in it for the long haul.. just my thoughts <3


  • farfromperfect95 likes this

Highest weight : 145

Current weight : 135

GW1: 135 

GW2: 130

GW3: 125

GW4: 120

 


#5 /magic.bird./

/magic.bird./

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 156 posts

Posted 18 December 2020 - 12:37 PM

So this is a great question.
I used to think 3 years. And if he dosnt propose, I’ll just break it off.
I thought this could be the year my man proposed to me. He did, without a ring. And he has the ring, but hasn’t proposed with it yet. We just entered 4 years together last month. Now I’m just like, “when you’re done with your work project, then we’ll talk marriage.” He’s been working on this project for 5 years. Hoping it’ll be done next year... I hate the waiting game. But I do love him, and he’s so sweet and wonderful to me....so, I’ll keep him. I’m just focusing on my career too.

#6 English_Rose

English_Rose

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1240 posts
  • LocationCanada

Posted 18 December 2020 - 01:09 PM

So this is a great question.
I used to think 3 years. And if he dosnt propose, I’ll just break it off.
I thought this could be the year my man proposed to me. He did, without a ring. And he has the ring, but hasn’t proposed with it yet. We just entered 4 years together last month. Now I’m just like, “when you’re done with your work project, then we’ll talk marriage.” He’s been working on this project for 5 years. Hoping it’ll be done next year... I hate the waiting game. But I do love him, and he’s so sweet and wonderful to me....so, I’ll keep him. I’m just focusing on my career too.

aww but why no ring if he has it right now?? Have you seen it? I'd be mad that is a little bit mean in my opinion.. like saying Happy Birthday and giving a gift later? A tad odd, no offense. 


Highest weight : 145

Current weight : 135

GW1: 135 

GW2: 130

GW3: 125

GW4: 120

 


#7 /magic.bird./

/magic.bird./

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 156 posts

Posted 18 December 2020 - 03:36 PM

aww but why no ring if he has it right now?? Have you seen it? I'd be mad that is a little bit mean in my opinion.. like saying Happy Birthday and giving a gift later? A tad odd, no offense.


No no no, it’s not like that at all lol. He proposed. Then later that day we looked at wedding rings on Etsy.
He bought the ring I liked. So, I think we’ll just wait til he’s done with his work project. To really take it seriously.
  • English_Rose likes this

#8 English_Rose

English_Rose

    Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1240 posts
  • LocationCanada

Posted 18 December 2020 - 06:12 PM

No no no, it’s not like that at all lol. He proposed. Then later that day we looked at wedding rings on Etsy.
He bought the ring I liked. So, I think we’ll just wait til he’s done with his work project. To really take it seriously.

I get it now, yes that makes sense. Congratulations by the way !! 


Highest weight : 145

Current weight : 135

GW1: 135 

GW2: 130

GW3: 125

GW4: 120

 


#9 /magic.bird./

/magic.bird./

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 156 posts

Posted 18 December 2020 - 07:13 PM

Ha thanks! 🤓
  • English_Rose likes this

#10 /magic.bird./

/magic.bird./

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 156 posts

Posted 18 December 2020 - 07:14 PM

I get it now, yes that makes sense. Congratulations by the way !!


Ha thanks! 🤓

#11 Marjaneh

Marjaneh

    Advanced Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1625 posts
  • LocationIstanbul, not Constantinople

Posted 21 December 2020 - 11:21 AM

I was with my husband for about 5 years before he finally proposed to me. I wish he would have proposed a bit sooner, but we lived together, talked frequently about having children/our future, did everything together, so I felt he was already rather committed and just wasn't ready to propose yet. It all ended up working out.

 

I did, however, tell my husband I wanted to be married by 30 and proposed shortly after my 29th birthday, so I guess he was paying attention. If you have a goal like that in mind by honest with him about it.

 


  • English_Rose likes this

BMI ~ 14.9

 

                                                                                                                                                Height ~ 5'10''

 

~ I just know that something good is going to happen. I don't know when, but just saying it could even make it happen. ~

 

                                                           


#12 gracieux

gracieux

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 238 posts

Posted 22 December 2020 - 10:32 AM

I think it's important to discuss expectations with your partner.  Talking about what timelines look like for each of you as far as engagement is key, and not deviating from that.  

 

One "mistake" my partner made was thinking he had to have enough money for a suitable ring.  That absolutely wasn't important to me, and we likely would have been married sooner if he hadn't thought about it like that.  Luckily it all worked out, but it's important to have conversations like this early on so that everyone is on the same page. 

 

As I got older, it didn't feel great living with someone and not being engaged to them. 


Female 30 years old 

HW: (BMI 19.5)

LW: (BMI 14.6)

CW: (BMI 18.0)

 


#13 Greyish

Greyish

    Advanced Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 580 posts

Posted 22 December 2020 - 11:04 AM

It's definitely personal, but I like to hear a variety of thoughts! For me, my parents never married and were common law until they finally separated 10 years ago. I don't want to end up like that. For me I just want to have our relationship down on paper before we live together ( I live alone) I sort of feel like some guys might use the "not officially married thing" as a way to mess around as they see it as less immoral that way. 

I also feel like I don't want to give him all the "wife privileges" like cooking, cleaning, emotional support, quality time spent at home unless I know for sure he's going to be in it for the long haul.. just my thoughts <3

I have to admit there are a ton of red flags in what you are saying imo. No offense! I just want to point out a few things...

 

Getting married doesn't keep you from separating. This means, even if you were married, you might end up just like your parents because marriages don't safe guard relationships. That's why so many people are divorced. If you think marriage makes a relationship more stable... it won't.

 

If someones messes around, while being in an committed relationship, they will still mess around once you are married. Infidelity is one of the top three reasons for divorce. A committed relationship is reason enough to not mess around. Married or not.

People need to understand that once you are married, your relationship won't magically change. You still have the same fights over the same things and having issues with the same flaws of your partner. You will still get tired of each other sometimes. You will still be annoyed by those weird little things your SO already does on a daily basis. Marriage isn't about "wife (or husband) privileges". You don't become a servant as a wife or husband. You ought to already "serve" your partner just as much as they ought to serve you. This relationship is about conquering life together... not giving each other privileges. I hope you already give each other emotional support and do nice things for each other like cooking and cleaning. Those aren't privileges for married people. Caring for each other is what relationships are all about.

 

I think it is important to reflect on why you want to be married. Like what will change? Why is it important to you?

 

The last thing you want to do is to pressure someone into marrying you by giving some sort of deadline. It is also severely indecent to just ghost your partner, if they don't propose in a certain time. You either end up alone or married with someone who didn't want to marry you in the first place but didn't feel like he could say no. People should talk to each other. Is he even interested in getting married at all? If yes - why? If not - why?

 

Relationships are very complicated and it is SO hard to keep them going successfully. Marriage doesn't make things easier (although the honeymoon phase is really nice :D like the time when you wake up next to your HUSBAND! <3 but that fades after a few years as well)


  • seashell, LedaFae and back_to_skinny like this

#14 journeyerr

journeyerr

    Advanced Sage

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1340 posts
  • LocationNew Jersey

Posted 22 December 2020 - 11:31 AM

have been with partner for a little over 3 years

thought that he was going to propose last year but he didn't -- and I'm ok wth that (plus i want to be super skinny and feel like i've earned a big ring)

i don't want children and am not in a rush to marry

marriage wouldn't improve my life in any way at this time

and i wouldn't be any more secure in our relationship; people get dumped and cheated on all the time whether they're just dating or married with a house and family



#15 NLP

NLP

    Omniscient

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3039 posts

Posted 22 December 2020 - 12:25 PM

If you haven't had  "the conversation"  by about 3 years then I'd question just where this thing is going


  • seashell, prisma, Oh Happy Day and 1 other like this

Functioning dysfunctionally

 

     


 


#16 MPAJes123!

MPAJes123!

    Advanced Member

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPip
  • 87 posts

Posted 04 March 2021 - 12:08 AM

I waited too long and now I’m never getting married.

5'9"

HW:185

LW: 110

CW:153

GW:125

UGW:115


#17 Salad-Princess*^

Salad-Princess*^

    Advanced Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 748 posts
  • LocationIreland

Posted 06 March 2021 - 11:25 AM

2years sounds good to me.


Highest weight = 245lbs
Height: 5'5
 
Start Weight =☆ 233.6Lbs☆

 

208.8lbs

 

1# Goal weight= 200lbs

2# Goal Weight = 112lbs

​Size 4-6.(By November) 

I wov this girl!!

 

 


#18 Journeytothin

Journeytothin

    Advanced Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 699 posts
  • LocationFlorida

Posted 07 March 2021 - 03:32 PM

I say it takes about a year to really get to know someone so by 2-3 years I think you should know if you are ready for that next step. Any longer I would just ask if they really want to get married or not just lay all the cards out on the table. Especially when you are older I feel once you are in your 30's you really know yourself and what you want out of life.


You can look in the mirror everyday wishing you had a better body, OR you can do something about it! It's not going to be easy but it WILL be worth it! Always remember nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!


#19 dulcelocura

dulcelocura

    Advanced Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 894 posts
  • LocationNew England

Posted 07 March 2021 - 10:54 PM

I told my ex (we were together for 3.5 years) and my now fiancé that I would not stay if there wasn’t a ring on my finger by year 5. IF ONLY because by 5 years, you know if you want to make that commitment or not. I didn’t need to be married by year 5, but a serious step needed to be made by then. 

 

I’ve been with my fiancé for 5 years this September and we’ll be married in October. We got engaged just after 2 years, but between grad school and the pandemic, our wedding just kept getting pushed. Which is fine tbh. I just wanted to know that someone would make the commitment, if that makes sense. When you know they’re the one, you know. Might as well take a step to make it legal, yeah? 

 

But of course everyone is different and things happen. With my fiancé, I honestly knew we would get married within a month of actually dating. We had been friends for about a year and once I broke up with my ex, we started spending more time together and it just happened. It just took a couple years to get to a place where a ring was the natural next step. 


  • back_to_skinny likes this

5'5.5"

CW: FAT af

LW: 106

UGW: 99

back after treatment

I need this weight gone.


#20 seashell

seashell

    Advanced Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 690 posts
  • LocationElysium

Posted 03 May 2021 - 04:51 AM

I wouldn't ghost them... but if they're not bringing up the conversation within the first couple of years, I'd say that's a red flag, and they may not be interested in marriage, or may not see you as a life partner.

 

If it's the right relationship, it won't feel like a huge ordeal. It will feel like the obvious next step, and you'll be pretty much on the same page.

 

And I do feel it's important to let a relationship go, if you're not on the same page about sharing a future together, starting a family, having a commitment, etc.


  • prisma likes this

HW: 125

LW: 100

SW: 120

GW1: 115

GW2: 110

GW3: 105

UGW: 99

Height: 5'4"

 

dum vita est, spes est



0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users