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Tried Recovery?


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#1 gracieux

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Posted 27 December 2020 - 09:28 AM

Is there anyone else here (in your 30s) who feels like they gave "recovery" a proper effort, but it just wasn't worth it?  My lowest weight was in 2018 and I've spent the time since then trying to improve - I really didn't want to go back to treatment again.  At this point I've never felt worse about myself or more disgusted - and I've even lost 15 pounds in the past few months.  

 

I guess I just want to say to anyone who tried recovery and didn't receive unwavering support from friends and family and the community, and who hasn't had some fairytale experience: I see you. I feel you. It sucks.  And it feels weird to be moving back in the direction of super skinny, but if I'm going to be miserable, I'd rather not hate my body so much.


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Female 30 years old 

HW: (BMI 19.5)

LW: (BMI 14.6)

CW: (BMI 18.0)

 


#2 Marjaneh

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Posted 30 December 2020 - 02:10 PM

I tried recovery, but I could have been better supported by my loved ones and I could have done a better job putting everything else in my life aside to focus 100% on recovery. But despite giving a good effort I always relapse after a while...

BMI ~ 14.9

 

                                                                                                                                                Height ~ 5'10''

 

~ I just know that something good is going to happen. I don't know when, but just saying it could even make it happen. ~

 

                                                           


#3 j4r9dy42

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Posted 23 February 2021 - 01:07 AM

Is there anyone else here (in your 30s) who feels like they gave "recovery" a proper effort, but it just wasn't worth it?  My lowest weight was in 2018 and I've spent the time since then trying to improve - I really didn't want to go back to treatment again.  At this point I've never felt worse about myself or more disgusted - and I've even lost 15 pounds in the past few months.  

 

I guess I just want to say to anyone who tried recovery and didn't receive unwavering support from friends and family and the community, and who hasn't had some fairytale experience: I see you. I feel you. It sucks.  And it feels weird to be moving back in the direction of super skinny, but if I'm going to be miserable, I'd rather not hate my body so much.

 

I feel all of this so much.

Did the therapy thing. Genuinely tried to accept myself at any size. Tried to live life not counting calories. Now I'm the biggest I've ever been, and I can't handle it. My life has basically been on hold for the last year. I don't want to go out in public. I'm glad it is Covid lockdown cause it means I am not obligated to see anyone in person. My confidence has plummeted. I am sad about it every single day. I dream of the days when I was tiny and light and I could look fabulous wearing whatever I wanted.

Since it seems I'm going to be miserable regardless, I may as well be thin and miserable rather than being a fat fuck.



#4 LydiaAgain

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Posted 23 February 2021 - 09:52 AM

I "recovered" in my mid twenties, and as far as everyone was concerned, I was fine from there.  However, although I managed to eat normally for years, my body image was never fixed, and I still felt horrible about myself.  It's probably partly why I've now relapsed. 

 

For the record, even a temporary "recovery" (or at least an improvement in your ED) can sometimes be worth it; I'm glad I was able to get a job, a boyfriend, and experience a bit more of normal life before I relapsed again. 


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