Is there anyone else here (in your 30s) who feels like they gave "recovery" a proper effort, but it just wasn't worth it? My lowest weight was in 2018 and I've spent the time since then trying to improve - I really didn't want to go back to treatment again. At this point I've never felt worse about myself or more disgusted - and I've even lost 15 pounds in the past few months.
I guess I just want to say to anyone who tried recovery and didn't receive unwavering support from friends and family and the community, and who hasn't had some fairytale experience: I see you. I feel you. It sucks. And it feels weird to be moving back in the direction of super skinny, but if I'm going to be miserable, I'd rather not hate my body so much.