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About to get a divorce at 35, weight gain and sadness


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#1 inwonderland9

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Posted 05 January 2021 - 01:29 AM

Hey everyone, it’s been along time since I’ve been on in MPA. But, I feel so effed up that I just feel like I really need to talk to people who might understand what I’m going through. None of my friends really get it.

But currently my husband and I are probably breaking up. He’s being really aloof and weird about it. I currently live in Berlin Germany but I’m originally from California. We’ve been together for almost 10 years and so it’s sort of the majority of my adult life. I never really thought we would break up, even though we’ve had our problems. But now it seems inevitable.

At the same time because of Covid I lost my job in March and haven’t been able to find a new one. I’m re-training myself but it’s going to take me a little while to get stable and get a job. At the same time I live in a country that I don’t really belong in without a European sponsoring me. So not only am I going to lose my relationship, I’m also going to lose my house, my friends, and possibly lose the country that I’m in.

We just started discussing this recently about a week ago. But before that I knew something was wrong and I just didn’t know what to do about it. So I started binge eating and binge drinking and now I have gained almost 20 pounds. I feel completely disgusting especially gaining this much weight this quickly. I haven’t been this heavy in years. And I usually am a lot less.

I’m EDNOS/MIA, and have been since I was around 4 years old. But have been trying to get over the MIA part which probably isn’t helping the weight gain.

I just kind of want people to talk to about this or possibly an accountability partner to get this freaking weight off of me. Also if you happen to be in Berlin at some point maybe we could meet up or chat because that might be really nice.

If you’ve read this far, thanks for reading.

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#2 widepeepohappy

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Posted 05 January 2021 - 01:46 AM

Hey, I am so sorry to hear about your problems. Divorce is such a hard thing to go through. I too have struggled this year and gained weight because of it, so if you need someone to talk to I am always open xx


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i really like kanye west

 

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#3 inwonderland9

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Posted 05 January 2021 - 08:02 AM

Are you in the process of divorce as well? What was it like for you?

#4 Kenny&thePets

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Posted 05 January 2021 - 08:13 AM

I’m so fucking sorry for what you are going through! This year has been so difficult for so many but to add divorce to it, I can’t imagine. Do you have any sort of daily routines that can help you ground yourself? Hobbies? Things that can keep your mind busy and not focusing on your grief? Also- do you have insurance to see a therapist? One of my friends is getting a divorce from her husband of 12 years when she just found out he was having an affair starting this past summer. She also lost her job and can’t afford her own place and she is a recovering alcoholic and BED, I’ve been amazed by the progress she is making by going to 12 step zoom meetings for AA and ACA (adult children of alcoholics- also an amazing program for people with eating disorders/perfectionists/people pleaser). Just remind yourself that any weight gain is only temporary and to not be too hard on yourself right now. Grief and divorce is trauma! It’s difficult to relate as I have not been divorced but I have been through multiple breakups where we have lived together for years and broken up and it’s like I completely forgot who I even was and what I ever even wanted out of life. Sending you lots of love and strength! And remember that you are still so young and have so many wonderful things ahead of you!!!
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#5 inwonderland9

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Posted 05 January 2021 - 09:45 AM

Thank you. No insurance. And currently we are still living in the same place, it’s pretty awful. It sounds bad but I wish we were splitting because of something like that. We’re splitting because he is no longer in love with me. He said part of it is because I lost my job and I have been a burden to him for months. He’s lost respect for me. But the thing is I tried for months yo get a new job. I treated it like a job, looking for hours a day. Then after months I gave up and enrolled in a UX design course to retain myself. But I won’t be done until around May. I was an event planner, so I no longer have a career. I’m hoping the weight gain is only temporary, I’ve been binging because of all this emotional upheaval.

Thank you for your kind words though. It really helps just to talk about it.

#6 BeautyAt110

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Posted 09 January 2021 - 10:23 PM

Can relate; 33 and divorcing partner of 12 years here. At this point I've made my peace with it, but I've essentially been stuck with my ex for 10 months due to Covid and holy crap do I need a big fat BREAK from him.

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#7 notslimkindashady

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Posted 09 January 2021 - 10:52 PM

I don't really know what to say except I've been there too and know how it feels...divorced after 10 years because my then husband was no longer in love with me and according to him I was "boring and lazy." I totally get it when you say it would almost be easier to have a "reason" for splitting up, like an affair would somehow justify the situation. Ngl, it was the worst thing I've ever been through, but every day I would tell myself, "I'm one day closer to the day when I never have to see or speak to him ever again."

That was in 2007. I got through it, painful as it was, and you will too. I have an amazing life now and living well really is the best revenge. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way. You deserve better.
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#8 SlimNSexy

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Posted 12 January 2021 - 10:13 PM

Sending love and good energy!


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#9 inwonderland9

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Posted 14 January 2021 - 01:26 AM

I don't really know what to say except I've been there too and know how it feels...divorced after 10 years because my then husband was no longer in love with me and according to him I was "boring and lazy." I totally get it when you say it would almost be easier to have a "reason" for splitting up, like an affair would somehow justify the situation. Ngl, it was the worst thing I've ever been through, but every day I would tell myself, "I'm one day closer to the day when I never have to see or speak to him ever again."

That was in 2007. I got through it, painful as it was, and you will too. I have an amazing life now and living well really is the best revenge. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way. You deserve better.


Wow, thank you for sharing this. It’s basically the same thing here. He hasn’t called me lazy or anything but it’s like he hints at it sometimes.

We did a couple counseling session and he said he can’t trust me anymore and that’s why he can’t love me. A couple years ago my dad killed himself and for a year or so after that I would occasionally binge drink with friends and black out. Maybe once every two months or so. It was terrible for me and everyone involved. I guess I got super weird and mean when I was in that state. I haven’t done it in awhile and recently cut out alcohol completely to see if I do better without it. But, he says even still it’s hard to trust that I won’t do it again, and that’s why he can’t love me.

#10 inwonderland9

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Posted 14 January 2021 - 01:28 AM

Can relate; 33 and divorcing partner of 12 years here. At this point I've made my peace with it, but I've essentially been stuck with my ex for 10 months due to Covid and holy crap do I need a big fat BREAK from him.

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Oh wow are you still stuck with him?? I’m still with mine. I have no money or job so we are kind of stuck together for awhile. It’s awful. I’m sorry you’re going through this!

#11 inwonderland9

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Posted 14 January 2021 - 01:28 AM

Sending love and good energy!


Thank you.
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#12 Gal1246

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Posted 29 January 2021 - 09:05 PM

Divorces are hard.  I am 37 and got divorced at 28 years old, so I can def say that things get better with time.  Stay strong  <3  Sending love xoxo


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#13 afellowghost

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Posted 30 January 2021 - 07:15 PM

I can tell u without a shadow of a doubt that covid has fucked with a lot of relationships. The no-job stress, financial stress, being separated or forced together in small spaces, etc. The way you worded your first post, it sounds like you haven't officially called it quits. It really might be beneficial to consider counseling together. My friend was on the verge of dumping her partner of 5 years in April and therapy really helped them a lot.


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#14 inwonderland9

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Posted 31 January 2021 - 07:56 AM

I can tell u without a shadow of a doubt that covid has fucked with a lot of relationships. The no-job stress, financial stress, being separated or forced together in small spaces, etc. The way you worded your first post, it sounds like you haven't officially called it quits. It really might be beneficial to consider counseling together. My friend was on the verge of dumping her partner of 5 years in April and therapy really helped them a lot.


Yeah we just had our first session over zoom last week. So far nothing has changed. He doesn’t love me any more and doesn’t know what to do. I’m not sure what’s going to happen. But, yeah it’s not officially over exactly. But, it seems like for him it’s like 90% sure we are going to split. No idea if it can actually be saved.

But you’re so right, Covid is really to blame for all this bs. For everyone really. I hope we can all get our lives back soon.

#15 j4r9dy42

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Posted 23 February 2021 - 12:42 AM

I can relate as well. I left my husband when I was 29. It is not fun. If you ever want to chat, feel free to inbox me <3 




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