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Aesthetics-wise, do you want to look beautiful or sick?

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#1 unigirl

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:25 AM

If you had to choose between the two.

Do you want to look beautiful, be popular, be aesthetic, be desirable,

Or do you want to look sick and fragile, and physically convey your mental suffering?

 

Simply aesthetically speaking.

Because there are many other parts to ED, as we well know.

 

Also, no shame in being either.

The compulsion to starve and self-destruct is real and present in both cases.

 

l lean towards the latter, although I sometimes (rarely, these days) can enjoy feeling beautiful.

People I love don't acknowledge my mental health issues unless I look the part.

I like looking as sick as I am inside. It's sad. I'm sad.


5'2"

CW: 82 lbs, 15 BMI

Relapsing and sad af. Trying to get back up to 90 lbs to be OK again

LW: 77 lbs, 14.08 BMI
​UGW: 70 lbs, 12.8 BMI

HW: 103 lbs, 18.84 BMI

 


#2 CrippledSong

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:27 AM

I somehow want both ;-; 
But I guess beautiful? my beautiful, not the way people around me seem to view beauty


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#3 Diettea123

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:28 AM

Sick body, beautiful face
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Height 5ft 1" / 155.5cm

 

CW 44.2 kg
43.3 kg
42.1 kg

41.7 kg

40.9 kg

40.1 kg

GW 40kg

 

39.6 kg

39.3 kg

 

CMBI 16.2

 

UGW 36 kg


#4 gl00my

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:36 AM

Beautiful, no doubt


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sw: 97,8kg || cw: 93,6kg || ugw: 55kg

 

milestones

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#5 seren-ade-dipity

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:38 AM

sick, but only to validate my own suffering to myself.


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#6 jackalyvia

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:41 AM

There arent only 2 body- look options
I want to look genderless
Just flat, long, and lean

I dont want to be seen as either beautiful or sickly
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"Beatus istos ille, circa pes ad terra" (Blessed art thou with thier feet to the ground)<p>-RUNNING IS LIFE-
H - 5'9" cw- 113.7

#7 penguín

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:42 AM

Hmm I want to look fragile.

So somewhere between sick and 'beautiful' maybe, depends on what you count as looking sick already.

Probably more towards sick. Yeh just on the edge were people wonder if everything is alright I suppose.


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#8 Ghost in the Machine

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:50 AM

Beautiful, the fear of looking sick was my main reason to recover, but that’s gone to shit now

There’s a TEENY TINY part of me (triggered by this lockdown) that wants to look sick so that my colleagues can see that I’m not the happy person they think they know, but tbh half the office know anyway and I also have a mortgage to pay so can’t really afford to get too sick these days
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#9 Popcorn_

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:54 AM

Idk I kind of want to look like a child so I think that would be classed as wanting to look sick to others.

 

Out of beautiful and sick more beautiful, but I guess I want validation so a bit sick in my body at least.


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#10 Starduss

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:55 AM

Drop Dead Gorgeous
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#11 Camilo

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 06:59 AM

i wouldnt mind causing some concern in people, but i wouldn’t go as far as to say id like to look sick. more beautiful. fragile and beautiful.
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#12 taliaaaa

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:00 AM

id also go witht he second option. i feel like if i like my appearnce them im not suffering enough, plus i love the pretty tiny girls with sunken faces i hope i can actually convey the hurt inside of me and not just look like im naturally thin


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162cm // 5'3

 

sw: 63kg 24.0 bmi (july 16, 2020)

cw: 56.1 kg 21.37 bmi

gw 1: 58 kg 22.10 bmi (september 20, 2020)

gw 2: 55 kg 20.95 bmi

gw 3: 53 kg 20.19 bmi

gw 4: 50 kg 19.05 bmi

gw 4: 48 kg 18.28 bmi

gw 5: 46 kg 17.52 bmi

gw 6: 44 kg 16.76 bmi

ugw: 42 kg 16.00 bmi

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#13 crowsandangels

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:01 AM

borderline between the two - looking borderline sick would definitely validate myself however there is a line that i am scared to cross
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#14 ChalkOutline

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:04 AM

i want to look fragile so my appearance can match with my inside :D


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#15 Meowskaya

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:07 AM

Beautiful for sure, I honestly don't like looking sickly. I don't want anyone to worry about me, I just want to look and feel slim af. 



#16 vanillasoylatte

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:31 AM

Sick/fragile/convey my mental suffering. 100 percent.
I want to disgust & gross people out by how thin I look to them.

Only when I was at 58 lbs. did I feel even remotely ok with how I looked. I want to scare people, shock them with my “self-control.”

I don’t want to look “pretty” or “healthy” (my ED brain: fat).
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#17 Captain Haddock

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:39 AM

I've always been into the sick look. I want to look like a painting of a person dying of tuberculosis in the romantic era.


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ASD, AN-R, BP-II, GAD, 3 years sober

 

173cm | 5'8"

CW:   54.3kg | 119.7lbs | BMI 18.1

15.5% body fat

 

HW:   63.5kg | 140lbs | BMI 21.2

LW:    44.9kg |  99lbs  | BMI 15.0

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#18 coldthin

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:42 AM

I wanna look like a barely-living zombie but with still an ounce of grace and health, basically be a walking paradox between energy and sickness aka the eugenia cooney vibe lol


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#19 vanillasoylatte

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:44 AM

I wanna look like a barely-living zombie but with still an ounce of grace and health, basically be a walking paradox between energy and sickness aka the eugenia cooney vibe lol


She reminds me of me at my lowest. Extremely anxiety ridden & barely holding on but smiling for the cameras.

Where do you see grace or health in her? Just curious.
I see sickness. I see forced energy for her to appear on camera & do her job, but I see a lifeless, delusional, sad person who’s trying to pretend she’s ok
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#20 coldthin

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Posted 13 January 2021 - 07:47 AM

She reminds me of me at my lowest. Extremely anxiety ridden & barely holding on but smiling for the cameras.

Where do you see grace or health in her? Just curious.
I see sickness. I see forced energy for her to appear on camera & do her job, but I see a lifeless, delusional, sad person who’s trying to pretend she’s ok

.No I agree she is extremely sick and it's all fake,  def not trying to idolize her or say she's not in deep shit, just saying the ED part of me wants to be at that point. Maybe health wasn't the right word bc she is definitely in poor condition atm, I guess what I mean is the appearance of health or energy, even though it's fake as hell.


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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: eating disorder, anorexia, sick, beautiful, looks, aesthetic, motive, underlying cause, reasons

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