157 replies to this topic

[overcaffeinatedbones]

The past year I've been maintaining a weight at which I really like my body, in a way I even think it's beautiful. 
And the comments I get are usually "wow you are like a supermodel, but careful cause you might break soon". 

 

So definitely prefer having a beautiful body, but at the margin of sickness - looking good, but still causing some concern.

[scarecrows]

beautiful cuz im tired of looking sick

[Perfection-Obsession]

Beautiful - but on the edge. Dainty, fragile, ethereal - I definitely want to look de-sexualised. Somehow fragile and sharp at the same time. I don’t want to look fully real, or fully human. Maybe that’s a reflection of my inner sickness but at the same time it feels deeply beautiful to me. I want to be more poem than person. More dream than reality. I find that beautiful - I don’t know if the rest of the world does though.

[DistressedOrange]

In my head, sick = beautiful, so both. I want to look fragile but dangerous and unreachable. Like icicles sharp enough to impale you from above.

[toxicbreastmilk]

kinda both? I find that what I find beautiful for myself (like my goal) to be different than what others think is 'beautiful.' Once I showed my friend a pic of Ciara Bravo (literally thinspo queen also my pro pic) and she called her ugly because she was so thin, but I love it. Also, this may sound really bad, idk if its my low self esteem and desire for constant validation, but when people look at me, I wouldn't want them to think "She probably eats salad" but more on the ends of like "She probably doesn't eat." ya feel? lol that sounds rlly bad sorry

[RosieMilk]

Beautiful enough for guys to double take

[𝖉𝖊𝖇𝖆𝖘𝖊𝖗]

both

 

I wanna look like fine china

[KuroNoShiroChan]

whether my weight is high or low im never going to be pretty or beautiful 

so i want to look as sick as possible the more the better

at my lw i kind of liked being able to spook people and the whole chock factor, loved it so that is what i want to get back to

[ザイト]

sick, and pretty. i don’t think i have the ability to be “beautiful”. but like, not below bmi 14.

[rottingchild]

Sick

[zimniysoldat]

both

I wanna look like fine china

Thiz is a big mood omg

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[yona ah sung]

In a way, i alreadu think im skinny in a way thats attractive to others, but i desporately want look more thin and frail, especially my arms, thighs.

[skinnyprimmy]

the latter

[golodnaya]

look good. you get favored socially for being beautiful, not for being weak, sickly, and frail. a major drive in my ed is me seeking control / ocd, but a secondary component is knowing that when you're beautiful, you can get whatever you want - if you know how to.

[mysticbarbie420]

kinda both but mostly jus wanna look as little as I can ig


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[DreamingBlueBird]

Invisible and genderless

[Efflorescence]

This sounds neurotic but okay.. I already get told i'm thin and beautiful on a daily basis but i'm not aware of that myself - and I don't think of myself of how others seem to perceive me. I still think i'm fat and ugly and I don't know?? I don't think i'll be satisfied until I look sick and to the point where i'm the opposite of what i'm told. I have a really rebellious mentality so maybe I'm just subconsciously fighting back with what people say. Maybe i'll be happy when people stop commenting on my outwards appearance or when they say I look physically ill and emaciated.

 

I really don't know. 

I'm leaning more towards sick.

[Weetabix]

beautiful i don’t wanna look sick, just be like nicely skinny.

[dentofresco]

If you had to choose between the two.
Do you want to look beautiful, be popular, be aesthetic, be desirable,
Or do you want to look sick and fragile, and physically convey your mental suffering?

Simply aesthetically speaking.
Because there are many other parts to ED, as we well know.

Also, no shame in being either.
The compulsion to starve and self-destruct is real and present in both cases.

l lean towards the latter, although I sometimes (rarely, these days) can enjoy feeling beautiful.
People I love don't acknowledge my mental health issues unless I look the part.
I like looking as sick as I am inside. It's sad. I'm sad.

my standards of beauty really just get sicker and sicker with each lw i hit...so probably sick xP

[thinstrument]

I want to FEEL beautiful.

 

So that means great hair, great shoes, and weighing a half-sandwich north of hospitalization.