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[addicted2exercise]

Everytime I "relapse" I make the stupidest decisions. But it keeps getting worse. Last night out of the blue I walked 4 miles. Up hills and everything plus my karate workout high cardio. I had 2000 cal. I don't even know if I have an ed. Today I cooked vegan food and was so full from a small amount I had to stop eating. I'm thinking about just throwing the food in my house away. I'm tired of the temptation and always worrying about it.

Today I ran 2 miles, did 90 min yoga, walked for about 30 min and had 2000 again. The calories have been high lately and everytime I do this I go crazy. Usually with long bike rides but I can't cause of the snow. Tonight is 1hr 3 am walk in 26 degrees.

I'm tired of this because I've never felt this bad before. now and then I come real close to passing out. Extreme cognitive dissonance all the time. I really need to go to bed so I can get up for work tomorrow but my mind says fuck you you fat piece of shit get outside and start exercising. I feel like I don't control neurotic choices much. I know I can. I can go to sleep but I don't want to end up fatter than I already am. So I'll be walking. Maybe this is an ed. (I've always been in denial) if this was a diet no one would sign up for this shit.