hearing my best friend talk abt how she's gained weight
she's not fat at all, probably just BMI 21-22 now
she's so beautiful its crazy. has been popular since middle school, easily gets boyfriends/fwb/etc, smart, funny, literally perfect. I was bullied in middle school, only have had one bf and he cheated on me, not exactly popular but known enough in high school that id occasionally get invited to parties(but that wasn't until junior year and I had blown up on tiktok). me and her became friends senior year and became inseparable so obviously guys would talk to me about her and ask for her number and stuff. I remember one day (2/13/2020) we were talking to our guy friend after school and once he left someone that knew all three of us(also an old middle school bully of mine lmao) approached us and said "yk he's probably trying to get with one of u, probably *friend*" and that stuck w me. that night I was at her house and I just broke down sobbing in front of her and told her how hard it is being her friend sometimes. I had never talked abt it before but I spilled my guts to how much it was affecting my self confidence and that's why I had stopped taking pics w her unless it was just our faces and I was wearing a full face of makeup. I haven't seen her in five months bc I moved but she's told me that she's gained a lot of weight and its making her insecure. meanwhile, ive lost from around 130 to 98. sorry this was rambley but I wanted to make my guilty pleasure understandable ig :/ I feel horrible for saying this but id kill for her to gain more weight and for me to hit the low 90s or just tone up more for when I see her next(which probably won't be for a while since im in Europe and she's in America and corona) but yeah thanks for reading