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B/p fail lol & starting treatment

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#1 valfreyja


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Posted 23 January 2021 - 06:41 AM

Worst purge ever last night. I was upset (relationship issues) and forced myself to eat ice cream so I'd have to purge as self harm. I know that's stupid but at this point purging is mostly just me taking out my stress and hurt on myself (and the rest of the time I've made myself terrified of normal food and digesting it). ANYWAY it was fucking ice cream - expensive vegan Ben&Jerry's too kms - so I was expecting it to be easy but I'd mixed in some syrup and Nutella and it must have just got all stuck together and thick and took SO much dry heaving and making my throat sore to get anything up :( I usually avoid the things that I know are painful/difficult to get up but oh my god. Nutella ruins ice cream b/p 😩 so exhausted after purging 4+ times a day all week (usually a couple times a day or every other day so this is so draining and feels constant) and so stressed with uni, relationship. I'm also starting treatment soon so worried about that. I feel like my ED has shifted into such a complicated, confusing thing that would be so hard to explain and be understood.
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