194.6. ive been absent bc i hadn’t been weighing myself for the past week bc i was on my period and i just knew the natural fluctuations in weight would fuck up my head. that made me a little sad to say lol. anyway i’ve been having only breakfast everyday, which is usually a mini bagel and some fruit. the rest of the day my appetite is mostly gone (i think my antidepressants are doing that) and i can usually find something to do to avoid the dining halls when they’re open.
I’m happy i lost these past few days, i am actually so bad for myself..i’d been looking in the mirror, and though i’ve lost 30lbs this year, i still saw the same obese girl, i thought somehow i did something to blow up again. I also am thinking ab how people really don’t care if you’re starving when you’re as fat as me, i go sit in dining halls w my floormates and grab nothing but a diet coke or some cucumbers and nothing is said i also posted a before / after on my finsta whilst calling myself disordered and the comments were still people praising my weight loss. wonderful world
187.4, totally unexpected
i’d weighed myself infrequently during my thanksgiving break because i didn’t really hold back on food. my important drs office weigh in was last tuesday, 193.6 w clothes on. if only i could tell them i weigh this much now! honestly, this is crazy. 186lbs was the weight that started this whole restrictive eating disorder tbf…now I’m gonna pass it soon. I’m a little more than 10lbs away from a normal weight range. i truly don’t know what to think bc it’s felt like i’ve spent the last 3 years at 222lbs! i guess i’ll move to the 180s thread now!