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Anyone else still often just feels like the sad teenager they were?


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#1 Daxia

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Posted 19 February 2021 - 06:02 AM

Idk, just rambling but I'm getting older (25) but I just don't feel it. Deeply inside I still feel like I was 16 yesterday and am often just as sad and "broken" as I was then. I feel like not much changed and I just try to pass as an adult the best I can on a daily basis.

 

Anyone else feel like that? Even though those years weren't the best for me, I still get nostalgic for them sometimes.. It also makes me feel like I'm too old to have an ED* or to still enjoy listening to MCR and such

 

I just kinda wanna reverse time I guess :/

 

 

*By this, I mean that I thought I would have "gotten over it" by now or moved on. Not trying to invalidating people with EDs because of their age!


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#2 sapling

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Posted 19 February 2021 - 07:32 AM

I feel a little called out by this lol

 

But yea I have huge impostor syndrome. I also feel like I don't know how to be an adult sometimes?? My mental health is so out of control, and that makes me feel less "grown up" than others around me because I have this stupid idea that 'real' adults have their shit together and yet I don't. It's so stupid and I know that's not how adulthood works but I can't help it, it makes me feel stuck :-//


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#3 see_jackie_shrink

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Posted 20 February 2021 - 03:14 PM

I understand what you mean. I'm 28 now and I can't believe I'm back on MPA and that I'm still dealing with this. I feel like I'm "too old" to be dealing with an ED still. I feel like I fake being an adult when I'm really just lost and trying to get by day to day without losing my mind.

You're definitely not alone.

Also, MCR is still amazing. No judgement!


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#4 magicalForestFairies

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Posted 21 February 2021 - 06:15 AM

Yes, completely. I just turned 20 and all I can think is, how did I get here?

Beyond just general immaturity, I feel this most often manifests itself in continued romanticization of terribly unhealthy and self destructive behavior. The kinds of things that I feel many chalk up to “teenage angst” (whatever that means) that I either can’t shake off or don’t want to.

But outside of destructive activities to yourself (and others), there is nothing wrong with having the same interests and passions as when you were a teenager. There is no arbitrary cutoff when it comes to these things, and so long as you still feel passionate or like them keep enjoying them!! Also, MCR is definitely not just a teenage thing so I wouldn’t even give that a second thought :)
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#5 emmaadele

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Posted 21 February 2021 - 07:21 PM

Ahhh I feel this deeply. I am 25 and deep in my most recent relapse but I feel so dumb for relapsing. Like when I was 14 and I first became anorexic I felt that was totally fine but now I just feel way too old. Like here I am with all the angsty teens back on MPA and it’s just like ughh so cringe. But if anything it’s kinda making me wanna recover which is a good thing I guess. Iiterally refused to even consider the idea of recovery when I was younger and was just stuck in an endless cycle of in and out of hospital but now It’s always in the back of my mind that it might be time to kick this disorder for good and I’m kinda grateful for that...gives me hope lol


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#6 winterdiscontent

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Posted 22 February 2021 - 01:14 AM

god yes. i'm 23 and i look back on posts i wrote when i was 16 and i still feel the exact same. maybe worse because i've just been worn down by dealing with mental illness for half my life. i'm still struggling with the same things, i've made no progress mentally, my peers are getting married and have been moved out for years and i'm still living with my mom. 


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#7 astrotea

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Posted 22 February 2021 - 02:28 AM

Lol I'm the same. I'm 25 and sometimes when I'm having a really shitty mental health night and I'm laying in bed blasting angry/sad music I'm like "omg I didn't grow up at all"


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#8 KittenPurrincess

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Posted 22 February 2021 - 01:00 PM

Yes although I would say I am a lot smarter, I feel emotionally and physically like I haven't grown or developed since I was yeah like 16. Perhaps the ED put all kinds of growing up and puberty and all that it entails on hold. Maybe I'll never get there? Or maybe I was never meant to. Perhaps I am stunted or this is as good and grown as I'll ever get. Perhaps I will never mature emotionally.

Maybe she's born with it, maybe its mental illness?


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#9 KittenPurrincess

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Posted 22 February 2021 - 01:06 PM

And I still wear the same clothes and I still listen to the same genres and I still have all the angst within me and I still feel like a child at core. But now I am doing grown up things like getting addicted to drugs moving out and getting our own place and paying bills and taxes and getting insurance and making adult decisions. But in my new room I am going to decorate it like a little girls play room with all my toys and dolls and have a blanket fort tent and glow in the dark stars and pink walls and generally make myself a safe space to be that child I never grew out of being, at least not on my own terms and time... I'm gonna be 24 by that time as well.... lol pathetic kinda but what can I do.


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#10 spookies

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Posted 24 February 2021 - 09:00 AM

yup! like all the time! I've had some sort of disordered behavior since I was ten (now 22). i really thought i'd stop being a ball of angst and ED by the age of 20 lol

 


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#11 featherweighted

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Posted 24 February 2021 - 11:08 PM

I definitely feel like I've matured some since being a teenager, but at the same time, I feel like I haven't grown up at all. I still have the same shitty mental and physical health. I'm still living at home. I'm still struggling to function on a daily basis. Nothing has changed. Time has passed, and yet nothing has healed. So yeah, I totally get where you're coming from.


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#12 second.star.to.the.right

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 04:07 AM

Absolutely get that.
Being 22 and still feeling like a 17 year old with no direction in life.
Since then, everything has changed and somehow nothing has changed, at the same time.
Everything around me is different while I still feel the same.
Feeling pretty shitty about that, too.

So yeah, you're absolutely not alone with that.

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#13 Jujubones

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 05:03 AM

Yeah, I feel like I'm still a teenager because I can't get my life together and hold any responsibility even though I acknowledge that I need to do better. I dropped out of a top UK university due to anxiety and depression, and from there I've plateaued and work shit minimum wage jobs. I would love to go back to university again, it bothers me that I was given and amazing opportunity to get a degree from a prestigious institution and I threw it all away. I also have horrible imposter syndrome and no matter where I am I feel like I don't fit in, I'm not good enough, I'm underqualified etc.

 

Looking back I was spoilt all of my life and everything handed to me on a plate, I had absolutely no responsibilities and I believe it made me have dependency issues even though I'm more than capable of functioning, I was never really given the chance and grew up thinking I wasn't capable. I can honestly say until I moved in with my boyfriend I had never used a dishwasher, washing machine, barely cooked because my mum has OCD and really did not like me making "mess", I never ironed my clothes or made my bed. This was because of my mums anxiety and OCD, She really had to be in control of those situations and me trying to do anything meant making a mess or doing it wrong. It's so embarrassing.

 

I do cook, clean, do washing and everything now but only because I don't live there anymore


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#14 hippo-hips

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Posted 26 February 2021 - 10:40 PM

I feel like an overgrown teenager. I'm still really emotional and I still love rock music. 


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#15 emz_cadaver

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 05:12 AM

I’m 26 and don’t know where the last 10 years went. It feels like my mental health hasn’t improved in all that time whatsoever
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#16 🖕admin&VS_movetoEDC

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 08:16 AM

Yeah, same. I'm 19 and part of me is glad for being on my own now, figuring out the reasons behind so much of my life and I have made amazing strides as far as building my resilience and abilities to stand on my own two feet... sort of. But right now my struggles with my mental health are, in essence, the exact feelings of inadequacy I had in middle and high school (trouble with various things, particularly just. functioning, really) and I oftentimes feel stuck in time, like I'm the exact person I was in high school, even middle school, though I remember it even less. Truthfully, thinking about significant life events, I realize I'm not the same after some experiences I've had, plus, the lifestyle that comes with living on my own and being in college is very different. But at the end of the day when it comes to my mental state, I'm still me; still confused and still struggling with the same bullshit and feeling like a lost kid that just needs direction. A lot of that comes from being unfulfilled due to poor relationship with my parents too, I think, and wishing for lost time/wishing my childhood was better and that I received mental health intervention before now.

 

I think a lot about how I wish someone would just take care of me; that someone could just buy my shitty ED food and set my schedule for the day and drive me where I need to go. I know that's selfish but I can't help but wish things weren't so stressful and hard for me as they are; basic things take so much energy and planning and steps that I can barely get anything done it feels like. My health is shit, physical and mental, I don't have anyone to support me currently and don't know how to talk to people yet want friends yet also am too afraid anyway, I hate how I look, and on top of it all am still dealing with absolutely despising this god-awful flesh prison and how out of control my ED has become. I feel as immature and helpless as I was in high school, except now I just have the right words for what shit I'm going through.

 

I don't think it helps that recently it became "official" that I've had body image issues for at least half my life. hooray.

 

Sorry for the long rant, I think I just needed to get all that out haha


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#17 Bepis_Maks_Lajm

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Posted 27 February 2021 - 10:57 AM

Yup. I'm supposed to be 27 now, but I don't feel older than 17. Which is terrifying because I live on my own and I don't how the fuck to appartment. Halp!

I also haven't had a single romantic relationship, which I'm fine with, but I feel like I realy shouldn't be fine with it and that I have to decide soon wether I'm going to make an effort to find someone or emberace spinsterhood.
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#18 Alice_in_Wonderland99

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Posted 05 March 2021 - 09:41 PM

The best things teenagers have is time. They can do stupid things because they have time. They are allowed to be selfish, irresponsable, make mistakes, becuase they are teenagers. I miss being a teen, i am 23yo, not grown up mentally.


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#19 sylveonn

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Posted 06 March 2021 - 06:37 AM

i still feel like my 12y/o anorexic wannabe self

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#20 FallenFromTheStars

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Posted 08 March 2021 - 09:35 AM

I wish more than anything i could go back to being a teen as im still the same way but the consequences are more severe now as an adult, i dont have the time/ability to struggle right now but obviously cant control it. back at school it was just failing a class now its being unable to hold a job/do uni leading to money issues. idk i still do a lot of stuff i used to do when i was younger too so i never felt like ive grown up at all. 


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