18 replies to this topic

[FunSize]

Hello!

 

This is mostly just for me, I need to hold myself accountable. Sorry I am such a fucking mess, and sorry if I post too much. I have no friends who I can talk to when it comes to this kind of stuff. I fast from Tuesday to Thursday (sometimes more) and eat between 300-900 on off days

Im gonna post;

• Weekly weigh-ins every Sunday
• Random empty rants
• Daily intakes
• Body checks starting once I reach my 2nd GW

 

REWARDS

 

144- Nose ring + new pants

 

​132- New pet rat 

 

125- New binder + clothes + haircut

 

120~- COOL SHOES!!! : D

 

I will be below 125 by May 3rd, I will not start working and driving as a fatass. The seats of my new car deserve better.

                 

[Angel_Ahri]

Heya! I'm just dropping a comment to maybe help with your accountability. I'm also doing my own weight loss journey and staying away from binging. We can do it! Sending all my encouragement your way~ <3

 

Sidenote: I'm steadily building up my own arsenal of tactics to keep on track which include videos, books, picture collages, audio meditations, journaling and writing myself notes etc. I believe we can tailor a plan for what we personally need to  combat triggers and ride out the waves in the beginning before it steadily gets better and goes away more and more until it disappears pretty much completely. It's really helping me so far. I'm just rambling at this point. Anyway, good fortune to you. C:

[FunSize]

Heya! I'm just dropping a comment to maybe help with your accountability. I'm also doing my own weight loss journey and staying away from binging. We can do it! Sending all my encouragement your way~ <3

 

Sidenote: I'm steadily building up my own arsenal of tactics to keep on track which include videos, books, picture collages, audio meditations, journaling and writing myself notes etc. I believe we can tailor a plan for what we personally need to  combat triggers and ride out the waves in the beginning before it steadily gets better and goes away more and more until it disappears pretty much completely. It's really helping me so far. I'm just rambling at this point. Anyway, good fortune to you. C:

 

   Thanks for posting, I think it makes everything look a lot better. Getting into a binge/restrict cycle is a BITCH, but definitely avoidable with the right steps. My biggest mistake (other than causing myself cognitive damage) the first time I hit my LW was not taking pictures, videos, etc. Probably wouldn't have gained so much if I could remember how it looked/felt to be at a low BMI. It is definitely very helpful, so thanks for that : D!

[FunSize]

Broke my fast after 2 days with 480cals of mac n' cheese...Realistically its not that many cals but I feel like I ate a fucken horse. My mind is running a million miles a minute, I feel like I fucked up so bad.

[FunSize]

lol, funny how I am always rolling along fine until the day before my weigh-in...

[FunSize]

Ok, weigh in for today comes in at 173.6, down from 180 (my HW) a little over a week ago. I ate quite a bit yesterday 

 

• Cw: 173.6

 

Goal for next Sunday is 165 or less. 

[FunSize]

I am so used to obsessively weighing myself multiple times every day, holding off for a week is gonna be hard

[FunSize]

I weighed myself lol, -3.6lbs from yesterday

[FunSize]

Intake today was 915 or so cals, I fasted for 44 hours before eating. Instantly started a new fast (till thursday) and I am going to start walking for about an hour or 2 every day starting tomorrow. Gotta get my endurance up, my heart is so damn weak from the years of abuse.

 

egg salad sandwich: 315cal

a lot of some chips : 600 cal

[FunSize]

Ugh, my chest feels really weird. Like my heart is getting felt up n' squeezed. My head hurts like a bitch as well. No fucking thank you. No more Monster for me

 

Edit: Really thought i was gonna have a heart attack for a hot minute, my back, neck and arm really started to ache. All good now?? I've had this horrible anxiety/paranoia about having a heart attack/stroke since I was super young. I doubt that having an anxiety attack over it every couple weeks is helpful in the slightest. I feel slightly off and BOOM now I have a heart rate of fucking 140 because I think I am going to have a heart attack.

[Angel_Ahri]

Ugh, my chest feels really weird. Like my heart is getting felt up n' squeezed. My head hurts like a bitch as well. No fucking thank you. No more Monster for me
 
Edit: Really thought i was gonna have a heart attack for a hot minute, my back, neck and arm really started to ache. All good now?? I've had this horrible anxiety/paranoia about having a heart attack/stroke since I was super young. I doubt that having an anxiety attack over it every couple weeks is helpful in the slightest. I feel slightly off and BOOM now I have a heart rate of fucking 140 because I think I am going to have a heart attack.

Damn that sounds scary and sucks.. :c I just decided to switch from coffee to decaf and other drinks. I know the weight is usually the biggest focus but health shouldn't be ignored to get there.. when you get anxiety with a high heart rate do you try breathing techniques to slow it down? It helps me.. of course not if I took a lot of stimulants like caffeine unfortunately.

[FunSize]

Damn that sounds scary and sucks.. :c I just decided to switch from coffee to decaf and other drinks. I know the weight is usually the biggest focus but health shouldn't be ignored to get there.. when you get anxiety with a high heart rate do you try breathing techniques to slow it down? It helps me.. of course not if I took a lot of stimulants like caffeine unfortunately.

Glad you could actually manage to get off caffeine. It's a bit of an addiction for me, but i've been trying to slow it down because it's had more negative effects. Usually listening to nice music and focusing on breathing for a bit can help calm down but sometimes i just have to power through it :I

[FunSize]

I was desperate to be down to 125 or less by May 3rd bc its my birthday (and I didn't want the imprint of my dumptruck ass to curse the drivers seat of my new car). My mom has revealed to me that I am going to be forced to go to Florida then as well. Vacation is cool but first of all, corona, and second, b e a c h. The idea of the beach turns my brain into a goddamn battleground. 

 

My mom is also transphobic (I am FtM) and she is urging me to wear a FUCKING BIKINI because her guy friend (potential mate lmao) is coming with us and she thinks ill scare him off if I wear swim trunks and a swim-shirt...? (Not sure what she thinks his mindset on that would be? "Sorry, your child is not sexually attractive enough to me. Cant be with you"????) Id rather rot. My binder is too small as well. My dysphoria and ED have this 'FUCK YOU' synergy that is so damn destructive.  

 

(Also as of today I am no longer clinically overweight, so that is very nice. One step at a time I guess...?)

 

 

Hour 41 of my fast, 55 more to go :I

[FunSize]

Might have to cut my fast short at 60 hours because my legs aren't working and I feel like I'm gonna just die on the spot. My respiratory system feel super depressed. I really do not anticipate the disgusting feelings that come with breaking a fast, though

 

I feel like I've committed a sin to the highest degree every time I eat like a regular meal of 350cal or so. Might just have a 70cal cheese stick or 2 and call it a day.

[FunSize]

MMM. Broke my fast at 61hr. (well, I didn't eat yet, but I am about to.) 

 

Intake;

PRINGLES- 300cal (very fucking unnecessary)

 

Shrimp ravioli-300cal

 

Diet cherry Pepsi- 0cal

 

Total: 600cal EW

 

ouchie owie, fucky ducky

[FunSize]

Intake today;

 

Cheez its- 300

 

Sprite - 200

 

Cheese stick- 70

 

Total; 570 (ew)

 

Its hard to break an addiction to eating literally nothing, but I am trying to remember that there is no way I can gain on 500 or even 900. My TDEE is pretty high. Soooooo, gonna try and keep my intake at a solid 0 until weigh-in day and I'm pretty sure I'll be a good couple lbs below 165

[FunSize]

164.3 today, very nice. -9.6lbs this week

 

It was mostly water weight I'm pretty sure, but I do see a small difference in my stomach, the love handle area has definitely went down a bit. My legs have clearly thinned out just a tiny bit, especially the inner thigh area. Cool beans. 

 

Very excited to be re-entering the 150's as I haven't been there in a while and it is when I stop looking so fucking massive and my height starts evening me out a bit more. (obviously I've still got a while to go after that, but y'know) But I'm hoping for maybe 157 or maybe less next week? Idk. 

 

I am going to be forced to go to my favorite restaurant today w/ my mom and if I don't get anything she will 100% know I've relapsed because we don't go there often, so hopefully I can wiggle around stuffing myself silly because OHBOY I am not emotionally down for that.

[FunSize]

Ok. Editing this because it was really messy and nobody needs to see it.

 

Intake today; 

 

Quarter of a Twix- 65~

 

15-20 French fries- 200+?

 

One bite of noodles + 1 bite of chicken wing- 150?

 

Babybel cheese x2- 120

 

Total- 435-600 (not sure the calories of the fries but UHGH, just gonna overestimate)

 

I feel really disgusted with myself. 

[FunSize]

Didn't want to say anything because I felt nasty but lying to myself isn't gonna do much. Binged today. Ate like half a bag of Cheetos, a chicken salad sandwich (on whole wheat bread) and a couple mini muffins. Epic first day of March! 

 

Cheetos- 720? Could be a bit more

 

Mini muffins- 200

 

Sandwich- 250?

 

Other randoms I grazed on a bit- 150-200

 

Total: 1300 or so

 

A little more than 1200 under my TDEE but still very nasty. I overestimated a lot just to be safe. Numbers outside of the triple digits really mess with me. Gonna go with my regular fast from Tuesday to Thursday and may just try to hold out as long as I can.

 

:T