8 replies to this topic

[over40]

Hello, I’m new to this site and to ED forums in general but I am somehow reassured by being here today. I have been struggling with ED since I was 15. Mainly anorexia and bulemia. -20kg + 20kg rollercoaster. Yet pretty much always a normal
BMI. Never truly overweight and never underweight either.

I am now 43 and continue to be obsessed with food and the way I look, fearing both, hating both and loving them occasionally when on the bearable thinner side, which I haven’t seen in the mirror for probably 5 years now. It’s time to address the problem and at least lose weight to feel confortable with my life in general, instead of ghosting through it.

I have an internal social phobia because I hate the way I look and waste so much time hiding away from the world and my feelings, avoiding the mirror to avoid the hate and the pain which has often included self harm... Getting up and dressed in the morning is complicated and exhausting. I am 160cm and CW 60 kilos. GW would be to drop to 50 at least and just under at best which has always been like a safeguard and happier place, I suppose because being in the high 40s is more reassuring than being on a rounded dangerous 50 if that makes any sense.

Being of French origin, I actually love food... smoking and drinking have also been compulsive addictions. Drinking still is unfortunately.

Anyway, I want to try and be happier with a thinner version of me even if I’m over 40... because life can’t already be over at 40. I will so much regret it if I don’t do anything about it. I’m so tired of this self hate daily shit.

And yes I know happiness isn’t supposed to be a synonym of thinness but it is to me because it makes my life a whole lot lighter being thinner. It somehow allows me to actually embrace life and to smile at myself in the mirror.

I don’t know how I’m going to go about it yet, but before it’s too late I would like to allow myself to live a little and stop feeling like a constant failure. Thank you xxx

[kky]

Hello and welcome! 

I understand that the older age group tends to feel alot more alienated or invalidated because there is still the misconception that eating disorder is a "teenage thing". 

Thank you so much for sharing your story and I'm so sorry that you have had to battle with these disorders for so long. I resonated with certain parts of your story, such as the social fear. I'm consistently thinking that people, such as friends and family, constantly think that I'm fat or see me as such. Life is definitely not over at 40 that's for sure! And it is great that you decided to step out of your comfort zone and change things up. 

 

Older adults have different metabolism rates and such compared to the younger demographic, might I recommend working with a dietician or nutritionist? They can help work up a diet plan that is sustainable, healthy and not detrimental to your health! Health is quite important, especially at middle age.  

[over40]

Thank you for your reply. It’s nice to feel welcomed and understood because there often is a misconception about ED being solely for teenagers and young adults. Like we are all supposed to « grow out of it ». I don’t think that ever really happens. I mean you can get better and learn how to deal with/ stay away from ED but it will sadly always be a part of you.

I have tried seeing a dietician or nutritionist but I feel guilty and invalidated and afraid of them too. I also need to feel « in control of the somewhat uncontrollable » and in a safe place like just in here, with people that can understand.

[cheshire_kitten]

We're having whole subforums for 30+ and 40+ peeps and we'd love to have you over there.  

[over40]

Great ! Thanks ! I’ll try to find them then 😊

[cheshire_kitten]

They are under peer group conversations! See you there!!

[*~pixie angelheart~*]

Welcome!   I'm 55, so I can assure you that life doesn't end at 40, and unfortunately, neither do eating disorders.   I reached one of my lowest anorexic weights at the age of 50. I've been hanging around here, off and on, since 2014. Yes, please do join us in the 40+ sub-forum!   

[BaloneySquirrel]

Newbie (to the forum) over 40 here too. Glad to see I’m not alone!

[xl7]

check out the 40's form!