Posted 23 February 2021 - 04:10 AM
BMI. Never truly overweight and never underweight either.
I am now 43 and continue to be obsessed with food and the way I look, fearing both, hating both and loving them occasionally when on the bearable thinner side, which I haven’t seen in the mirror for probably 5 years now. It’s time to address the problem and at least lose weight to feel confortable with my life in general, instead of ghosting through it.
I have an internal social phobia because I hate the way I look and waste so much time hiding away from the world and my feelings, avoiding the mirror to avoid the hate and the pain which has often included self harm... Getting up and dressed in the morning is complicated and exhausting. I am 160cm and CW 60 kilos. GW would be to drop to 50 at least and just under at best which has always been like a safeguard and happier place, I suppose because being in the high 40s is more reassuring than being on a rounded dangerous 50 if that makes any sense.
Being of French origin, I actually love food... smoking and drinking have also been compulsive addictions. Drinking still is unfortunately.
Anyway, I want to try and be happier with a thinner version of me even if I’m over 40... because life can’t already be over at 40. I will so much regret it if I don’t do anything about it. I’m so tired of this self hate daily shit.
And yes I know happiness isn’t supposed to be a synonym of thinness but it is to me because it makes my life a whole lot lighter being thinner. It somehow allows me to actually embrace life and to smile at myself in the mirror.
I don’t know how I’m going to go about it yet, but before it’s too late I would like to allow myself to live a little and stop feeling like a constant failure. Thank you xxx
- gutterwh0re likes this
Posted 23 February 2021 - 04:18 AM
Hello and welcome!
I understand that the older age group tends to feel alot more alienated or invalidated because there is still the misconception that eating disorder is a "teenage thing".
Thank you so much for sharing your story and I'm so sorry that you have had to battle with these disorders for so long. I resonated with certain parts of your story, such as the social fear. I'm consistently thinking that people, such as friends and family, constantly think that I'm fat or see me as such. Life is definitely not over at 40 that's for sure! And it is great that you decided to step out of your comfort zone and change things up.
Older adults have different metabolism rates and such compared to the younger demographic, might I recommend working with a dietician or nutritionist? They can help work up a diet plan that is sustainable, healthy and not detrimental to your health! Health is quite important, especially at middle age.
Posted 23 February 2021 - 04:47 AM
I have tried seeing a dietician or nutritionist but I feel guilty and invalidated and afraid of them too. I also need to feel « in control of the somewhat uncontrollable » and in a safe place like just in here, with people that can understand.
- kky likes this
Posted 23 February 2021 - 05:05 AM
We're having whole subforums for 30+ and 40+ peeps and we'd love to have you over there.
- over40 likes this
Posted 23 February 2021 - 07:31 AM
They are under peer group conversations! See you there!!
Posted 23 February 2021 - 11:25 AM
Welcome! I'm 55, so I can assure you that life doesn't end at 40, and unfortunately, neither do eating disorders. I reached one of my lowest anorexic weights at the age of 50. I've been hanging around here, off and on, since 2014. Yes, please do join us in the 40+ sub-forum!
- over40 likes this
Current BMI: "Normal" (i.e., FAT!)
Usual ED Diagnosis:
AN (restricting type)
Lowest Adult Weight: 87 lbs (BMI 14.5)
HW: 165 lbs (pregnancy)
GW: 90 lbs (BMI 15)
Posted 23 February 2021 - 12:10 PM
- over40 likes this
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