8 replies to this topic

[PrinnyWinnie]

I’m 5’5” currently and 102lbs, which puts me at 17.0bmi. Not really that low to me, I’m aiming for the 15’s. However, I’m finding it harder and harder to function. I eat about 500-600 calories a day, I STRUGGLE to eat. My weight is dropping really fast and I had a bit of a scare yesterday. My lips turned blue in front of my husband, and that totally freaked him out. Then he proceeds to tell me that my face looks hollow and sunken. That I am like a body double, acting strange because of all of the fog foginess in my head. I find it hard to follow conversations. I feel a bit like I’m rambling, sorry! I spoke with my therapist who is a specialist in eating disorders. I haven’t really been talking with her about what ms been going on, but I told her everything yesterday. We’re going to up therapy and do a workbook together to start. I don’t want recovery but I am sick of feeling sick. I’m just at such odds and I DEFINITELY don’t feel thin or sick enough to warrant recovery. Don’t get me wrong, EVERYONE deserves recovery, no matter their weight or where they are at in their eating disorder, but for me specifically, I feel like a fake and like I should lose as much as possible as quickly as possible. And you know what’s even worse? I’m starting to hate my skinny parts of my body now too. I guess I’m just in it and needed to vent m. Thank you all for taking the time to read. Any advice or replies would be so helpful!

[PrinnyWinnie]

Apologies guys, but I’m going to bump this, i could really use the support..

[Appletun]

You are absolutely not a fake. There's no rules saying you have to get this low to get help. I wish I knew what to say, I don't know that I'm very helpful but if you want to talk/vent I'm here! 

 

If you aren't feeling well and think your health is in danger then seeking help isn't weak. It doesn't always feel like it but life is always better than the alternative.

[WistfulKitten]

If you're not feeling well, it's hard to see a point in it anymore and even still, those fears have you paralyzed. 

 

Sick looks different for everyone so try not to compare yourself to others because you're your own beautiful and unique person with her own path. Keep working with your therapist and make sure you're keeping your electrolyte levels up at the very least- very important with the heart and muscle contraction. I'm glad you don't live alone. Take as much support as you can from the people around you who love you. You deserve recovery because you deserve to be happy.  Hang in there. <3

[hummocado]

I so get the “sick of being sick” feeling. You definitely deserve to get better and ARE sick enough. That feeling that you aren’t sick enough is actually you being sick with your eating disorder. When that painful voice quiets without behaviors or weight loss attached, that is actually you getting better!

[PrinnyWinnie]

Thank you all for your kind replies! I will take a good look at everyone’s advice and try to just keep working at positivity and leaning on my therapist. <3

[Appletun]

You can do it! (: Being healthy and happy is most important.

[CoconutWater]

You defo have an eating disorder and it's a serious thing at any weight. I spent years at or around a bmi of 17 and it's really hard on the body and mind. Being underweight is never safe. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

[mochroi]

Just wanted to add also - you'll be far less able to tolerate a BMI of 17 than a lot of the younger people here. BMI 17 is within the healthy weight range for a 15 year old girl; it's far less healthy for a grown woman.

So there is absolutely a very good reason for you to feel really awful at that BMI xx