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Those 'I'm too old for this' moments


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#21 Marguerite of Spring

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Posted 16 April 2021 - 09:54 AM

Something I realized recently:

 

I'm turning 30 in a few months. I've suffered from disordered eating since I was 14. It's now more than half my life... no wonder I'm so exhausted. This decided me to get better.



#22 Meem

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Posted 30 April 2021 - 04:44 PM

I’m 37 but mentally feel stuck at about 20. I guess that’s when most of my trauma happened 🤷‍♀️ I’ve managed to get married and have 2 kids but feel like I’m just pretending to be a “grown up”. I feel like such a fraud. Like I’m completely hiding how fucked up I really from all the ppl around me, well except my therapist. when will I become a real adult and stop this nonsense...never!

#23 Unsatisfaction85

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Posted 01 May 2021 - 12:59 AM

I’m 37 but mentally feel stuck at about 20. I guess that’s when most of my trauma happened 🤷‍♀️ I’ve managed to get married and have 2 kids but feel like I’m just pretending to be a “grown up”. I feel like such a fraud. Like I’m completely hiding how fucked up I really from all the ppl around me, well except my therapist. when will I become a real adult and stop this nonsense...never!



You are not alone in this. I’m in your situation 35, living something like a fake life, only my therapist knows the shit in my head.

I don’t have any kids, and it’s all I wanted for years, now, I don’t know what I want.

I feel stuck in my twenties too... pretending to be an adult.

Suffering a lot. Not being able to take good decisions or decisions at all. I don’t know what brought me here, I feel sad. I would love to say it aloud or just hide in my bed, and let the time passes.

#24 onlygodknowswhy

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Posted 01 May 2021 - 10:01 PM

Hi All. im 35 years old from Australia.
i am married with no children and currently relapsing after gaining all my weight back in recovery over the last year.
what i am SUPPOSED to be doing is focusing on getting pregnant and having a child before my time to do it runs out.
what am i doing instead?
Starving myself, eating 300 to 450 calories daily, calorie counting, laxatives and meal skipping. Taking the pill in secret to stop me getting pregnant because my ED brain says that if i get pregnant now that i will blow up to the size of a house and i will never be skinny again.
so first i have to get as skinny as possible again to allow myself "room to grow" for when i do get pregnant.
who knows i may run out of time before then and its just not fair to my husband.
by the way if any of you would like a friend in your 30s that you can talk to regularly then DM me sometime:)



I completely relate to this! I’m trying to get pregnant and I’m constantly thinking well if I’m not pregnant I need to keep kissing this way I’ll start at a lower weight if I get pregnant. It’s like competing feelings and it’s torture.

#25 loletaxeni

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Posted 03 May 2021 - 08:31 AM

Sometimes. Most times I don't think about it but last week I got mad strong realization that something happened when I was like 20 years old and I'm now forever stuck at that time period. I think I'm 20, I think the world basically is 00s. I'm just stuck. It's not exactly normal but I blame my mental health, not my age. It's not like mental disorders and traumas just disappear once you turn 30 or whatever. I wish it was but it isn't.



#26 MrsN

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Posted 06 May 2021 - 03:28 AM

I'm 34 and still haven't learned.... X

height: 5.6ft    highest weight:9st/126lbs   lowest weight:5st 12/ 82lbs   current weight: 7.7st/105lbs     goal weight: 7st/98lbs 


#27 VioletSkyy

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Posted 06 May 2021 - 03:43 PM

realizing I went through the 2007-2008 proana site shut downs and have to deal with this one after so many years of stability... fml


...::Change happens when the pain of change is less than the pain of remaining the same::...

...stats moved to profile...

UGW - who fucking knows?

 

Do it for yourself first.


#28 Pandoras-Box

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Posted 09 May 2021 - 12:01 PM

You are not alone in this. I’m in your situation 35, living something like a fake life, only my therapist knows the shit in my head.

I don’t have any kids, and it’s all I wanted for years, now, I don’t know what I want.

I feel stuck in my twenties too... pretending to be an adult.

Suffering a lot. Not being able to take good decisions or decisions at all. I don’t know what brought me here, I feel sad. I would love to say it aloud or just hide in my bed, and let the time passes.

 

This....Im 35 and  its like i don't know what a proper meal looks like... I don't know what to fix for food around friend get togethers..How to eat over at peoples houses since it always involves food...idk i ought to know this by now


<p>Dream Believe you will succeed-Scott Stapp--
Height 5-9
Weight-120 as of November 17

gw:112

ugh:98


#29 gotosleep

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Posted 09 May 2021 - 03:07 PM

oh man i feel this too, it’s really shitty. it’s all trauma, at least i know that now. but i’m worried that the underweightness is prematurely aging me bc underweight tends to look better younger than older :/ gah awful


5'7 // 11? lbs
source.gif

#30 Unsatisfaction85

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Posted 09 May 2021 - 06:11 PM

oh man i feel this too, it’s really shitty. it’s all trauma, at least i know that now. but i’m worried that the underweightness is prematurely aging me bc underweight tends to look better younger than older :/ gah awful



Yeah that’s true... definitely not the same when you are skinny and young than when you are older... it makes you look older (at least on me)

#31 sweetanamia

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Posted 10 May 2021 - 03:07 PM

Something I realized recently:

 

I'm turning 30 in a few months. I've suffered from disordered eating since I was 14. It's now more than half my life... no wonder I'm so exhausted. This decided me to get better.

Same here, I'll be 30 in Dec , it's been 15 years of this 


HW:190 Height: 5'2

CW:185.0

💀GW 1: 170

💀GW 2: 160

💀GW 3: 150

💗GW 4:140

💗GW 5: 130

💗GW 6: 120

💗GW 7: 110

💗GW 8: 100

 

To be petite 


#32 kitsuxkitsu

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Posted 18 May 2021 - 07:29 AM

Pretty much every time I purge I have this moment where I'm like, where is the hidden camera? Because I feel like I'm fuckin punking myself.
  • cornflakegirl1224 and Unsatisfaction85 like this

#33 Greyish

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Posted 20 May 2021 - 03:02 PM

Yup. I just took a laxative for the first time in a couple years even though I know how badly this is going to go and I just don’t understand why I never stopped doing any of this. How am I still here

sorry, just have to quote this so I can ask you: Is that you in your profile pic? Because I am in dire need of that shirt! :D



#34 Pandoras-Box

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Posted 20 May 2021 - 07:12 PM

by now over  almost two, yes two decades down the e.d rabbit hole, thought i woulda 'recovered ' by now... i see my old high school buddies with good jobs, wives kids...n I'm like well i can live offa 500 cals  a day n purge with no hands le sigh


<p>Dream Believe you will succeed-Scott Stapp--
Height 5-9
Weight-120 as of November 17

gw:112

ugh:98


#35 dulcelocura

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Posted 20 May 2021 - 09:57 PM

sorry, just have to quote this so I can ask you: Is that you in your profile pic? Because I am in dire need of that shirt! :D

Ugh I wish it was but alas....it’s not.

If you find it, come back and tell me where you found it! Lol
  • Greyish likes this

5'5.5"

CW: FAT af

LW: 106

UGW: 99

back after treatment

I need this weight gone.


#36 fite.or.dontfite

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Posted 22 May 2021 - 09:53 PM

Watching a WIEIAD restriction video on YouTube and then there is a voice over at the end and the person mentions that they're thirteen years old... 

 

And today realizing that I've been struggling for like ten years and despite all the pain and anguish I've never been satisfied. It's like, what's the point? All this misery and nothing has been accomplished. Is it just going to be like this forever?




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