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my boyfriend has arfid (more info inside)


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#1 Guest_dela_*

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Posted 18 March 2021 - 03:06 PM

so my boyfriend recently told me that he has arfid currently and has had bulimia in the past. i'm just curious if there is anything that any of you guys that have experiences with arfid or have it have anything to tell me about it? i dont wanna be pushy about him trying new foods or anything but i wanna be as supportive as possible 



#2 sapphona

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Posted 18 March 2021 - 04:23 PM

Support him first of all, arfid is valid disorder. Don't force him to eat anything which makes him overstimulated and please take his problem seariously - many people with arfid feel infantilized :<


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#3 Guest_dela_*

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Posted 19 March 2021 - 09:28 AM

Support him first of all, arfid is valid disorder. Don't force him to eat anything which makes him overstimulated and please take his problem seariously - many people with arfid feel infantilized :<

i've already done some research on it because i want to make sure i do the right things. i personally have anorexia so i understand the food struggles i just want to make sure he is comfortable and doesn't feel super uncomfortable any time it's brought up you know.



#4 fersuremaybe?

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Posted 19 March 2021 - 11:37 AM

ARFID is more related to Autism or ADHD than eating disorders, but I don't think a history of bulimia would be regarded as the same. my brother has arfid and he eats like shit, everything ultra processed and full of additives, won't touch (temperature) hot stuff, hates most spicy food. he also never ever drinks anything hot - tea, coffee, hot chocolate - anything! he used to be severly anemic and malnourished bc he never ate what my dad made, but now he's in charge of his own meals so is free to stick a pizza in the oven etc whenever he wants.

 

I would say, to begin with maybe, prepare individual meals together so you can watch what he eats/get an idea of what he can tolerate, and go from there. I know if my brother hates pasta he probably won't handle anything kind of "rubbery" or "slimy", and because he hates the wrinkliness of raisins things like oranges (with the weird white stuff when peeled) will probably be inedible to him as well.

 

arfid can be quite mentally distressing, it's not just a dislike, it can literally cause panic attacks in some people. you're right not to push him, maybe if you - dealing with anorexia - can come to a compromise with foods he tolerates or avoids then you can come up with meals together?


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#5 Guest_dela_*

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Posted 19 March 2021 - 02:31 PM

ARFID is more related to Autism or ADHD than eating disorders, but I don't think a history of bulimia would be regarded as the same. my brother has arfid and he eats like shit, everything ultra processed and full of additives, won't touch (temperature) hot stuff, hates most spicy food. he also never ever drinks anything hot - tea, coffee, hot chocolate - anything! he used to be severly anemic and malnourished bc he never ate what my dad made, but now he's in charge of his own meals so is free to stick a pizza in the oven etc whenever he wants.

 

I would say, to begin with maybe, prepare individual meals together so you can watch what he eats/get an idea of what he can tolerate, and go from there. I know if my brother hates pasta he probably won't handle anything kind of "rubbery" or "slimy", and because he hates the wrinkliness of raisins things like oranges (with the weird white stuff when peeled) will probably be inedible to him as well.

 

arfid can be quite mentally distressing, it's not just a dislike, it can literally cause panic attacks in some people. you're right not to push him, maybe if you - dealing with anorexia - can come to a compromise with foods he tolerates or avoids then you can come up with meals together?

thank you very much. this was informative and helpful 



#6 skinnyjeanme

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Posted 02 April 2021 - 10:03 PM

I had it as a kid before it evolved into restricting and b/ping. So my experiences might seem abit childish compared to an adult with arfid.

But basically I had strict food rules that made perfect sense to me (still do) but no one else lol. And it's not just picky. I still cannot eat most cooked veggies or certain meats because of texture. Food couldn't touch, couldn't have seasonings ( I still call pepper "bits" lol), couldn't have contradictory textures or flavours, can only eat one thing at a time, have to be watching tv/distracted from the food to eat it, any pressure to eat equals instantly nope not fucking eating, brown things like meat/gravy, liquid stuff that spreads and touches other foods like baked beans. Ect ect.

What worked for me to challenge those rules was super super gentle challenges. Like putting the food in front of me and ignore me. Letting me try things and cook things and experiment by myself with offhand suggestions. So not "you should try this", that's too direct, that felt like an instruction. But more "I like doing it like this". That way the chpice to try it is totally up to me.

It's OK for you to get frustrated, it's normal. But stay as calm as possible, ne the rock in his storm. Calmly say, I am feeling frustrated so I'm going to have a bath or read my book ect. It's not an accusation, it's not pressuring, its just stating how you are feeling and how your going to relax yourself. Him eating the thing would be nice but it doesn't matter if he doesn't. Also don't over praise when he does eat. Because that adds pressure next time.

Oh yeah and ask him what helps :) does he have panic attacks? Does he feel sick/nauseous? Try to understand from his perspective because I felt very dismissed all those years ago haha I was just labelled picky and difficult and finally, she's ednos it won't get better, ignore her.

I wouldn't have panic attacks because I was a kid I would have temper tantrums and melt downs lol alot of food decorated the walls of my parents house haha

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#7 anhedoniac

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Posted 13 May 2021 - 04:26 AM

My boyfriend has ARFID as well. Hes been eating a bit better now because he enjoys my cooking and his aversions are caused by childhood issues where he never had fresh homemade food to eat. If ur bf used to have bulimia then id guess the root of the aversion is due to fear of throwing up/regurgitating. But then again I would encourage him to see a therapist that specializes in that kind of thing, even though treating ARFID is relatively new in therapist circles he may find some solace in getting to the root of the emotional issues that cause these habits. I wish you both the best of luck



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