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Not influencing daughter


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#1 pineprincess

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Posted 24 March 2021 - 05:15 AM

Hello!

My daughter (10 yo) is currently hitting puberty and I'm relapsing. My worst nightmare is that she feels as awful in her body as I do.

I eat when she is home but never when she is not home. She is really confident and have a very healthy relationship with food.

Do you do anything to protect your children to not get influenced by your ways?
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#2 CristianaYax

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Posted 24 March 2021 - 05:19 AM

Protip : don't make some foods "treat foods", like take out or ice cream, if she does develop a disorder they will be the first things she binges on or restricts. My parents do that to me and it just makes chips, cake, nuts,dried fruits, carbs,and pizza all the more worse.
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#3 Lower

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Posted 26 March 2021 - 12:58 PM

I’ve got worries.
I’m separated and recently relapsed.
My kids see me every couple of weeks.
My ex had AN (it’s how we met. She’s recovered now)
I had to fess-up to my ex that I’d relapsed, for several reasons.
.
She’s not stupid and will notice it soon.
I have to pretend to eat in front of the kids and I hate being deceitful towards them. I’m doing all the usual....... tricks.

So I want to say to them that I’m on a special diet as advised by my doc. If I cherry pick what my doc has actually said I can be truthful.

I’m confident that my daughter will not be triggered. If anything, quite the opposite. She’d hate to emulate daddy.

My son just loves his food and is very emotionally stable.

So far so good.

But.....

Could my ex say ‘sorry, it’s not good for u to see the kids anymore’
Is she gonna break confidence on me and broadcast it round my family?
She’s said she’s ‘giving this some thought’
What does she mean by ‘this’? The absence of anything else from her has me thinking the worst.

I can’t get help. My doc would roll his eyes and, anyway, 18 months of treatment didn’t actually change anything for me. The ed has been waiting to jump back in, and some triggers were all it needed, which it got, and still has.
~ Losing is winning ~ Zero is my hero ~ Never walk when you can run ~

#4 peachpanda

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Posted 29 March 2021 - 02:32 PM

My daughter is the same age, and I am EXTREMELY cautious that she doesn't pick up my ways. I do all the usual stuff - saying I already ate, saying I don't feel good, only eating in front of her but never when she's not around, etc. I try not to weigh food in front of her but when I do, I say it's because I'm using a recipe with weight measurements because it's more accurate (I'm not a great cook so it's perfectly plausible I'd do this to try to closely replicate the recipe!) I never refer to body types as good or bad, same with food, just as fuel that's of varying quality (i.e. "donuts taste good but don't give you nutrition or energy, so that's a once-in-a-while treat.") So far she has no signs of any body issues, but she's been dancing ballet for years and loves it so I definitely worry she'll pick it up as she gets older!


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#5 Flymo89

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Posted 29 March 2021 - 02:36 PM

I never mention my weight or being fat but encourage nutrition, balance and beinh healthy. Worry every day that they will pick up on something just try my best to not do any of the things that triggered me.
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#6 Erieya

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Posted 28 April 2021 - 07:36 PM

I absolutely worry about this. I blame my mom for screwing me up in this way but she was awful. Always bad mouthing herself. Always dieting. Always forcing us to eat her disgusting chemical garbage diet food. Very rarely ever cooking an actual meal. Poking at my healthy amount of fat. As a child.

I pray that if I project a healthy mindset about food and bodies that it will overcome my own habits... but I feel that is naive that my habits won't ever be noticed. I struggle with this. Emotionally.

But I will never attribute food to morals. I have no banned foods so my kids see me enjoy birthday cake along with them, and if I do talk about food, it's usually helpful nutritional details, something my mom was highly uneducated about and would have been helpful to me growing up. I try to cook healthy foods. NOT diet foods. Not "low fat" foods. Just simply HEALTHY.

I want my kids to have a healthy relationship with food and leave home actually knowing how to prepare healthy food for themselves.

I focus on how good we FEEL (as in sickness or energized) and never talk about weight.

And that's if we even discuss it at all... which actually doesn't happen a lot unless I am trying to convince a picky tween or toddler to try something new that I know is good for them. But I have even stopped doing that thanks to the advice of parenting books. The recommendation is that you serve the approved meal, a d they choose to eat or not eat. If only my parents had given me that respect! I definitely let them indulge in sweets, baked goods, etc. I do teach moderation (to a normal standard)

I am just doing my best. I don't eat alone anymore because I always want someone witnessing me eating. It used to be the opposite... when I was a binge eater.
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Height: 5'8.5"
HW: 184lbs on 1/15/2021

CW: 142.0 on 6/9/2021

NGW: 139.0

UGW: 115.0

Restriction Levels:

1000 or less = ideal

1200 or less = good

1500 or less = maximum comfort level based on BMR of UGW

Anything over is a bad day and unhelpful toward my goals.
Would like to do better on limiting sugar & junk.
Would like to learn how to use food as medicine.
I am a major work in progress.

About Me:

In my 30's. Married. Mother. Homeschooler.
Dealing with PMDD so I have good weeks and bad weeks.

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#7 Ababy

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Posted 07 May 2021 - 03:37 AM

Hello!

My daughter (10 yo) is currently hitting puberty and I'm relapsing. My worst nightmare is that she feels as awful in her body as I do.

I eat when she is home but never when she is not home. She is really confident and have a very healthy relationship with food.

Do you do anything to protect your children to not get influenced by your ways?

 

 

I can really relate to your anxiety about this. I have a 5 year old daughter, so again, very impressionable age. I've been told that my illness makes me an irresponsible mother because I have severe anorexia nervosa, my BMI is low and my ED has been hard for me her entire life so far, (I've had a bad case since the age of 13, never 'recovered') and now she's really actually exposed to a lot of other kids' parents now that she's in prep and has noticed my thinness compared to them.  I worry about her, my beautiful daughter, my only child, becoming influenced by my issues in this way, I don't think we'd be responsible mothers if we didn't worry about it.

I try to keep my behaviours a secret because my daughter also has a really healthy, happy relationship with food that I certainly don't want to ever sour for her. 

I came to this forum for the same reason as you I guess.


LW: 26kg Lowest BMI: 9.8   HW: 44kg Highest BMI 16.6 

Current BMI, 11



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