wednesday, april 7
500/750 + b/p
bfast: egg white omelet = 137
1/2 charleston chew(115), vitamins(10) = 125
apple(94), eclair cake thing(129), lifesaver(15) = 238
b/p: eclair cake, lifesavers, halo top, graham crackers, mac n cheese
today was a DAY kdjfaksdf. i want to die but also im proud of myself.
i was so unproductive today. i had so much shit to get done and i applied for 2 jobs and then didn't do anything else. and then the cravings hit. not any particular cravings- i just really wanted food. and i was hungry. i tried to suppress it with an apple. didn't help. so i allowed myself a little of the cake thing i made. didn't help. and then i binged. and then it went from 2 pm to 8pm and my motivation just kept dropping more and more. i finally purged - got out pretty much all of it i think except for what was already digested cuz i took so fucking long. and then i forced myself to workout for a little bit.
today fucking sucked.
but after the b/p i told myself i wouldn't eat anything for the rest of the day. about an hour later i really wanted some green beans (like binge style cravings) and i know myself and if i ate the green beans it would probably turn into another b/p. so i didn't have any. drank some water, brushed my teeth, and chewed on some gum. about another hour later, i wanted an orange. i went over to my kitchen area, picked up the orange, and then decided against it. i said i wasn't going to eat for the rest of today so that's what IM GOING TO DO.
and i didn't. i'm in bed now, and i'm so ready for this day to just be over. but also i don't want to do tomorrow bc now i know there's so much stuff i've procrastinated and just knowing i have a lot of stuff to do is probably just going to lower my motivation levels even more, but who knows, maybe i'll actually get stuff done for once.
oh and since i failed the calorie limit today, im just going to redo it tomorrow and keep going like today never happened. i will complete this diet.