30 day binge free - Page 4 - BED Discussions - Forums and Community

Jump to content


About MPA

MPA is a site dedicated to the support or recovery of those suffering from eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorders. Please be sensitive to this fact when creating an account and contributing to the board.


Photo

30 day binge free


  • Please log in to reply
190 replies to this topic

#61 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 20 April 2021 - 10:42 AM

i’ve been trying to refrain from taking bodychecks bc they depress me but WHEN i am successful in stopping my binging and can finally lose weight, i want to be able to look back at where i started. so here’s today’s bodycheck. i weighed myself at 125.2 but i never trust my scale bc my weight fluctuates SOOO fucking much it’s frustrating

bmi 22 something

Attached Files



#62 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 20 April 2021 - 04:56 PM

yeah nvm i fucked it up. i ate too much meatloaf. i don’t get what I’m doing like i want to lose weight but i eat over 2000 calories??? doesn’t even make sense. it’s not even hard I’m making it hard. I’m so bored i have so free time and it causes me to bored eat. i don’t have hunger cues so it’s not that

#63 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 20 April 2021 - 07:39 PM

yeah nvm i fucked it up. i ate too much meatloaf. i don’t get what I’m doing like i want to lose weight but i eat over 2000 calories??? doesn’t even make sense. it’s not even hard I’m making it hard. I’m so bored i have so free time and it causes me to bored eat. i don’t have hunger cues so it’s not that

basically even the days i binged during the entire of april i never went past the point of stomach pain but today i did.  today i went over on eating too much meatloaf but then i continued eating. i wish i didnt relapse during my anorexia recovery, maybe i wouldnt have developed bed if i continued recovering. the worst feeling is eating normal and feeling like you aren't valid even tho i know i still have yet to recover with my period ( which i do want it back) but i also want to lose abut ten pounds then another ten more slower. i wasn't even severely restricting before, it was 1600 i maintained 100 pounds. i feel super lost and confused and this happens every time i binge. i get this 'stuck' feeling. like this will forever be my life. trying my hardest to not binge that day and centering my whole mood and life around food. it is reallyy sad. even giving my fullest effort to recover, i think about food 24/7. i wish i could let it all go and just eat 3 meals but if i give myself even a bit room, i eat all i can like i am at a buffet. anyways ill be back at it tomorrow.


  • NLP and Cloud.sse like this

#64 ʏᴍɪʀ

ʏᴍɪʀ

    Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 196 posts

Posted 20 April 2021 - 09:25 PM

Hi, do you exercise?


  • maddyhenry likes this

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

sad idiot, 22


#65 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 21 April 2021 - 03:20 AM

Hi, do you exercise?

no😂

#66 Cloud.sse

Cloud.sse

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 269 posts

Posted 21 April 2021 - 04:05 AM

basically even the days i binged during the entire of april i never went past the point of stomach pain but today i did. today i went over on eating too much meatloaf but then i continued eating. i wish i didnt relapse during my anorexia recovery, maybe i wouldnt have developed bed if i continued recovering. the worst feeling is eating normal and feeling like you aren't valid even tho i know i still have yet to recover with my period ( which i do want it back) but i also want to lose abut ten pounds then another ten more slower. i wasn't even severely restricting before, it was 1600 i maintained 100 pounds. i feel super lost and confused and this happens every time i binge. i get this 'stuck' feeling. like this will forever be my life. trying my hardest to not binge that day and centering my whole mood and life around food. it is reallyy sad. even giving my fullest effort to recover, i think about food 24/7. i wish i could let it all go and just eat 3 meals but if i give myself even a bit room, i eat all i can like i am at a buffet. anyways ill be back at it tomorrow.


Heyy I'm so sorry you feel like this, but reading through the thread you're doing so amazing!! It takes time and energy to fight this, but you've proved to yourself that no matter how stuck you feel after you binge, you can then have a whole streak of days where you dont binge and that is progress!!! And you're totally not alone, thinking about food 24/7 is one of the hardest parts about this but you've got to believe it will get better. It might seem impossible rn but you will find a way out, we all will good luck tomorrow you got this xx
  • NLP and maddyhenry like this

#67 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 21 April 2021 - 10:57 AM

it’s hard to see the progress i made after a bad day. never mind two bad days but currently it is almost 12 in the afternoon. i’ve eaten 3000 calories. yeah. i went for an hour walk after to clear my head and it helped but i am really struggling. i have to learn to let go and keep fighting the binging after it happens but it’s hard. every time i binge i want to restrict even heavier but i know that won’t work in the long run, at least for me. I’m in such a bad place mentally ever since i started my recovery journey. it’s so terrible of me to wish i could go back to when i was killing my self by starvation. it’s hard to see that this binging is also killing me. i binge from guilt of past restriction. but recovery isn’t binging. it’s eating balanced meals and experiencing more in life outside of food. it’s hard to let all of that go tho, even the bad . my ed caused a lot of terrible things for me but it also helped me with my social awkwardness in a weird way. just a little venting before i had to log onto class

#68 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 21 April 2021 - 11:27 AM

Heyy I'm so sorry you feel like this, but reading through the thread you're doing so amazing!! It takes time and energy to fight this, but you've proved to yourself that no matter how stuck you feel after you binge, you can then have a whole streak of days where you dont binge and that is progress!!! And you're totally not alone, thinking about food 24/7 is one of the hardest parts about this but you've got to believe it will get better. It might seem impossible rn but you will find a way out, we all will good luck tomorrow you got this xx

thank you so much. i appreciate all the support, it has helped me get this far. ive tried everything but starting this topic has been the one thing that makes me feel strong. the constant comments that believe in me and keep pushing me to not give up are the most powerful tools for me. thank you again you have no idea the impact this type of stuff has on me.



#69 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 22 April 2021 - 02:38 AM

i finally broke and i’ll be fasting for 40 hours. i get my vaccine today, should i eat something after my vaccine and then fast? i heard you are supposed to eat something? but ask i’m bloated AF from two day binge. there’s def undigested food still in me...

#70 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 22 April 2021 - 03:14 PM

day 1 binge free

#71 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 23 April 2021 - 03:40 PM

i failed. it seems if I’m alone with food i binge, i need to find a way to power through in those moments. i need to be smart about this

#72 Cloud.sse

Cloud.sse

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 269 posts

Posted 23 April 2021 - 04:19 PM

i failed. it seems if I’m alone with food i binge, i need to find a way to power through in those moments. i need to be smart about this


Being alone with food is so hard especially when it becomes a habit. If you can get yourself away from food like going outside that helps, having a planned snack/meal coming soon, distraction activities that keep you busy like tomorrow I'm gonna attempt crochet.....try and visualise yourself getting through it. But it can be really tough so you're not alone good luck xx

#73 Cloud.sse

Cloud.sse

    Advanced Warrior

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 269 posts

Posted 23 April 2021 - 04:20 PM

i failed. it seems if I’m alone with food i binge, i need to find a way to power through in those moments. i need to be smart about this


Being alone with food is so hard especially when it becomes a habit. If you can get yourself away from food like going outside that helps, having a planned snack/meal coming soon, distraction activities that keep you busy like tomorrow I'm gonna attempt crochet.....try and visualise yourself getting through it. But it can be really tough so you're not alone good luck xx

#74 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 23 April 2021 - 05:24 PM

should i accept recovery ? and stop going on this site??? like i should just eat normal right? my fear of food is gone ...I’m only scared of weight gain now but that’s normal ?? i still obsessive bodycheck and obsessively weigh myself but a lot of my habits are gone. i’ve wanted this for so long so why am i sad to let it go? i miss my ed??? that’s fucked

#75 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 23 April 2021 - 05:38 PM

Being alone with food is so hard especially when it becomes a habit. If you can get yourself away from food like going outside that helps, having a planned snack/meal coming soon, distraction activities that keep you busy like tomorrow I'm gonna attempt crochet.....try and visualise yourself getting through it. But it can be really tough so you're not alone good luck xx

thank you for your tips and for you support. i know it is a long road and progress isn’t linear :)

#76 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 23 April 2021 - 07:13 PM

sorry for spamming the thread but i have a new plan. if i stick to 1200 calories for 10 weeks, i will get pass my 1st gw, i know it will be hard to not binge but i feel fucking gross af right now and i just want to get out of this feeling. i feel so bloated and disgusted w what i have become. i am comfortable w my body but i just can’t keep gaining weight and the fear is CRAZY right now. it is really hard to let go of my disorder and i fear i will be stuck living with this my entire life. anyways i will keep updated but instead of being ‘binge free’ it will be ‘binge free’ and additionally a pass or fail to my 1200 diet plan. every fail day, there will be a add on day. please pray for me to succeed.

 

rules

no coffee, no diet pops

lots of green tea and at least two gallons of water

no skipping meals, 3 meals a day. 

 

200 calories breakfast 

 

300 calorie lunch

 

700 calorie dinner 

 

no eating past 6 

 

one form of exercise a day.

 

only one weigh in a week. every friday night. 

 

todays weigh in 

129.6Ibs. :/


  • NLP likes this

#77 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 24 April 2021 - 05:47 PM

binged today. :/ words can’t describe the disappointment and sadness i am feeling. i come at this disorder at every angle and each strategy aside from being with company fails

#78 NLP

NLP

    Omniscient

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2930 posts

Posted 25 April 2021 - 08:26 AM

I'm so sorry to hear your sadness.  I pretty much go thru the same as what you describe, not that it helps I know.

I'm just wishing you some peace right now


Functioning dysfunctionally

 

     


 


#79 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 25 April 2021 - 01:26 PM

I'm so sorry to hear your sadness. I pretty much go thru the same as what you describe, not that it helps I know.
I'm just wishing you some peace right now

it does help knowing other people experience it too. it makes it feel like a real issue and I’m not just a lazy person who eats and eats. it’s validating knowing a lot of people go through this so thank you
  • NLP likes this

#80 maddyhenry

maddyhenry

    Guru

  • Accountability access
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 524 posts

Posted 25 April 2021 - 01:26 PM

i binged. but lately i’ve been stopping myself mid binge and i guess that’s better than nothing. i kind of stop and am like “look at you? what’re you doing?” and then just am miserable.
  • rotten_apple likes this


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users