If you're younger than 25, please ignore this post.
Hi, I'm rotten_apple, I'm 28, from Italy, and I'm looking forward to knowing people my age who suffer from this type of illness. I have a Tumblr blog and I'm having a hard time finding other women or people in general who have eating disorders, they're all usually recovering or recovered, the rest are teenagers and I'd rather avoid them since I'd feel like an irresponsible and a bad influence.
What can I say... I've been suffering from eating disorders since my early teenage years, I had a restrictive phase around 2008, when I was 15, then I developed bulimia after a couple of months: fast forward to my early twenties and I started restricting again, also thanks to my boyfriend of the time, who suffered from gastritis and ate very little - he'd usually skip breakfast, had a big lunch and ate less for dinner, except on Friday and Sunday, when he'd eat lots of junk food for dinner or lots of pasta for lunch; it's funny to think that I was the person who taught him to eat in the morning and how many proteins he should have eaten... We had a long distance relationship, I would eat normally for 3 days/a week/a month when I was with him then go back to bulimia once I got back to my parents' house.
Despite all that, I've never been underweight until I was hospitalized after attempting suicide one year ago. After that I had an awful experience which lasted for months which caused me PTSD and some serious psychological (and physical) damage, and I'm convinced I will never recover. Also because since the day I tried to kill myself my life spiraled down completely in every possible way.
I could say a lot of things but I would only make things much sadder, so... Well, I love cats, I have 5 beautiful purring balls of fur at my parents', I love music (I wanted to become a singer but that dream has died one year ago), anything heavy from rock to black metal, I like reading and true crime. I'm living on my own currently, and this was another huge mistake. My flatmate is becoming everyday more and more like a literal bully and I'm convinced she stole some of my clothes (my favorite items...) but I'm too scared of her to do anything. I have to be locked inside my room everytime she's home because she's such a negative presence... To think I really, really wanted to become friends with her. I'm always trying to be as nice as possible but I'm realizing she clearly hates me.
Ok, I'm ranting. Either way.
I'm not 100% sure of my current stats but the last time I weighed myself I was 106lbs / 48,5 kg. I weighed around 95lbs last December, and despite being miserable and being there because I was miserable, I'm trying to go back to that weight, if not less. I kind of managed to reach that number a couple of months ago but being locked inside the house because of covid opened the door to bulimia. I had stopped vomiting after I was hospitalized, and even living alone it had never happened again until a couple of weeks ago. I started binging on junk food and I wasted lots of money I could have used for nice clothes and accessories.
Easter didn't make things easier but after the nth crying fit instigated by my flatmate's rudeness (after an entire day holding back the tears; let's just say I'm a very sad and lonely person, but I never cried as much as I do since December...) I can finally say I'm eating decently. I haven't binged on anything today and I didn't even feel the need.
Lately I'm very interested in vegan and vegetarian foods, also because the first time I tried to avoid meat I lost a good amount of weight and inches/cms and I was feeling great, but not only because of that. I care a lot about the environment since I was a child, and it seems like the most sustainable choice. I also have a feeling it's a much healthier diet.
However, I'd love to meet other people my age from Italy and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. It would be great if I could have some irl friends... I don't have many. (Actually, I have none.)
Thank you so much for reading until the end!