so I'm a pretty active person, I walk a lot and I like to dance and hike.
but I don't like gyms or non-enjoyable exercise for the pure sake of exercise, partially because there was a period of my ED where I would over-exercise just purely out of self-hatred and it triggers a lot of bad feelings for me.
I really want to get a little bit of upper body strength and just to tone up my arms a little and stuff. I'm not joining a gym or buying a bunch of equipment, tbh I just want to do some body-weight exercises by myself at home and see where that takes me.
but the thing that always gets me when I try this is how embarrassed I feel!! like I just did 3 reps of 30 arm circles and my arms feel so tired and sore and literally all I did was wave my arms around lol. I feel so embarrassed about how tired it made me feel and it makes me feel ashamed of how weak my upper body is (and of course my ED brain runs with that and tells me all sorts of mean things). It discourages me from continuing to exercise because I feel weak and dumb. No one can even see me do this! I feel embarrassed even just being by myself and doing it.
TL;DR: If you "started from zero" with your exercise routine, did you feel embarrassed at the beginning with how little you could do? What helped you get past that feeling? Were there any positive feelings you used to help motivate you to continue? (Negative feelings do not motivate me to exercise lol)