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I’m not sure I’m an adult


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#1 WaterGoddess

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Posted 26 April 2021 - 11:18 AM

I gained a slot of weight but I want to lose it again. My gw is lower than it’s ever been, but  the main reason I want to lose is to trigger my enemies. 
My lowest weight was 112 and I was dying for it. But I looked amazing and a guy friend “casually” mentioned that when I was at that weight, all of the other chicks in town lost weight too (I live in a huge city, so when he said town, he really meant our neighborhood/university/section of the community at large. Also he mentioned it because he was VERY glad to see my weight restored). 
One woman was about 10 years older than me and I triggered her hard. She ended up developing a massive coke problem to reach my size and lost her business. She never reached my size btw, but she did lose a ton of hair. Now, I’m not so cold to not feel for her. The entire reason I was so thin was because I was struggling too. Not with drugs or jealousy, but with self loathing.
But she was really, really mean to me. And I learned, from the same guy, she still blames me for losing her business. It definitely wasn’t my fault because I never worked for her, patronized her shop, nor hung out with her ever. We had one mutual who I didn’t even like.
Now, I’m still going to reach my gw. Nothing will stop me because I’ve relapsed fully. But is it wrong that I 100% intend to trigger her again? I mean I really want her jealous. 


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SW: 170
UGW: 120
Every 5lbs is a goal reached.

weight.png


#2 kitn

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Posted 26 April 2021 - 11:40 AM

firstly you're not to blame for her addiction. it would take a hell of a lot more than someone losing weight to cause that kind of problem. she probably already had difficulties before she even knew you. the fact she blames you is just her attempt not to take responsibility for her own actions. she's 10 years older than you and blaming you for her life falling apart, she has emotional issues. secondly yeah it is wrong that you want to hurt someone. however I'm going to guess a lot of people have felt like you do, especially when younger. it doesn't make you a bad person just human.


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#3 WaterGoddess

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Posted 26 April 2021 - 11:36 PM

Thanks. I spent the entire day telling that to myself and that it would be wrong to hurt someone.
Especially because evil plans always backfire. ALWAYS.

I’ll mind my own business now.


SW: 170
UGW: 120
Every 5lbs is a goal reached.

weight.png


#4 HailSeitan

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Posted 27 April 2021 - 11:18 AM

Yikes! It's not your fault, that woman just doesn't want to take responsibility yet because that would mean recovery. She would have been triggered by someone else if you weren't in the picture. An addict is an addict is an addict

#5 HailSeitan

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Posted 27 April 2021 - 11:20 AM

Also, you wanting to trigger her sounds a lot like intrusive thoughts I have when I'm spiraling. Don't beat yourself up for feeling that way but also don't actually try to trigger her lol
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#6 WaterGoddess

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Posted 29 April 2021 - 09:52 AM

It was a super intrusive thought that started in the shower a couple days before I posted. 
I’m still kind of a mess but I smoked a bunch of weed and it reminded me why I keep my ED to myself.

Spreading this shit around isn’t ok under any circumstance.

I just have to be a stronger person for myself when I encounter her again.

 

Also, you wanting to trigger her sounds a lot like intrusive thoughts I have when I'm spiraling. Don't beat yourself up for feeling that way but also don't actually try to trigger her lol


SW: 170
UGW: 120
Every 5lbs is a goal reached.

weight.png



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