I guess I just always thought we had a bereavement forum in Touching Topics. There seem to be a lot of new forum requests, and it also seems like the same forums are still here from when I was 15, so maybe this is a lost cause.
I just found out about Aly. I just want a safe place to talk and share memories and just be able to mourn with people who would understand why I was upset. It seems whenever I try to talk to people about this, they don't understand how I could care about someone I "just met on the internet".
I'm going to take this opportunity to talk about her if that's OK.
I'm not sure where else to do it.
I was taking a break from ED insta and I just found out last night. I'm completely devastated. I've been following her and her backups for years. I think everyone did. I mean, at one point she literally had like 12k followers. Everyone at least knew of her, I feel like. We were there when she hit her lw and we were all so so scared for her. "This isn't fun anymore." Broke our hearts. We were watching her waste away. We remember her hauls, and always asked how she could be pulling those shifts at her low weight and basically running on empty. We were there when she gained and stopped posting weights, and we were there when she started struggling again.
We watched her learn shibari and sing to her bird. We heard in multiple IG stories how she was trying trying be quiet for her roommates. We heard about her shitty exes. It felt like we were so close.
And now she's gone. And we're wondering why we didn't see this coming.
What we could have done to help.
What we're supposed to do now.
And how we've been able to convince ourselves sometimes that it just "won't happen to me, I'm not that sick".
Do you think she knew when she went to sleep that night that she would never wake up? Most likely not.
"It won't be me.", but it's always somebody. Every day these disorders claim lives.
I just keep thinking it'll get better. That I'm just trying to cope, I'm not hurting myself like I used to. I'm not as bad as I used to be... right?
I'm so so sorry, Aly. I should have tried harder to reach out.
Rest easy, girl.